Biggest turn off?

Not always a bad idea despite what people say, but nah I prefer something competitive or like a walk in the park.

Aye, seems too controlling to me, with certain exceptions e.g. the manditry excommunication of friends who may be deemed inappropriate

Forgot to add the qualifying word I've now added above!

Never been on a date

someone who has ever done anything remotely sexual with another person or had any kind of romantic connection with another person. After a recent experience this worsened to a far more extreme extent to basically feeling bad about my partner seeing another guy topless or anything let alone having seen porn or anything.

I will have to go to another country other than the UK obviously, where dating isnt normal and people usually are single then married. And I just hope to find someone who makes me feel secure enough as well that I know I'm the only person she wants, is attracted to etc so hopefully after such a traumatic experience I've had which made me far more insecure I can go back the opposite way a bit.

As in officially overweight a la BMI, or as in any old chunky monkey?

I will have to go to another country other than the UK obviously, where dating isnt normal and people usually are single then married. And I just hope to find someone who makes me feel secure enough as well that I know I'm the only person she wants, is attracted to etc so hopefully after such a traumatic experience I've had which made me far more insecure I can go back the opposite way a bit.

u 1 lonely mother****er den, i've banged at least 200x more women than u.

Please bear in mind that I intend what I'm about to say supportively, and that it comes from someone who has also had trust/jealousy issues in the past:

You should work through your issues yourself - your level of insecurity is unhealthy and, I am sure, directly linked to your self-esteem. You need to overcome this independently, rather than relying on finding someone who says they have never been with anyone else (I say "says" because with your level of insecurity I suspect you'd be susceptible to doubting them anyway, and also to suspecting them of cheating/looking out for a better offer while with you, whether they'd been with anyone else or not.)

No-one will be able to give you the security of knowing you're the only one they're interested in - that security stems from your self-esteem and trusting your partner (though of course your partner and their actions can help build up your trust in them.) I don't think I'm phrasing this very well, but I hope you get the idea; if you're jealous/insecure within yourself, you'll always doubt your partner's devotion to you.

I know it's easier said than done, but please take a step back, look objectively at what has caused your issues in the past, and start working on overcoming them.

All the best!

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well what caused the issue is that I was quite idealistic about being in a romantic relationship, I was a virgin and never slept around or anything, if anyone wanted casual sex (which did happen in pubs a few times where women wanted to take me home) I never showed any interest. I was kind of a naive romantic dreamer and just happy idealising the perfect relationship and waiting for my soul mate. I thought I would like to share everything with someone and we'd both go through everything together. In my mind I did think it'd be better than regular relationships and I never understood them.

I dont understand a distinction between serial monogomy and polyamory, for example why someone should be devastated if their partner sleeps with someone else whilst they're together but fine with them doing it before they're together. That makes no sense to me at all. And I was always quite optimistic and loyal in thinking about my future partner even before I met anyone, I wanted to self improve and I bore my future partner in mind. For example a friend asked me why didnt I date and I replied that I wasnt ready yet, I still had some things to improve about myself like get a job etc. So basically I put all my eggs in one basket.

Another thing about me is I dont bond with people easily at all, I find it really hard to make a connection with anyone and any form of intimacy doesnt really suit me, I'm very much an introvert. So to go all the way and actually have sex with someone was something I put on a really high pedestal and thought I could only do with someone I can really open up to and love.

Anyway I met someone and I came to consider her to be my best friend, I had always been alone in life and at this stage in my life I was quite lonely because I was a virgin, single, 23 years old, whilst I was still optimistic and not interested in a casual relationship being alone for that long was starting to take its toll. And this person I met anyway I had so much in common with her and we ended up speaking every day. I ended up feeling this was something really special that I had someone to open up to and I probably got a bit carried away and wanted to tell her everything about myself. We spoke about all sorts of topics and at one point we discussed sex. I confided that I was a virgin I was reserved, I was idealistic and I said that I wanted someone I could go through everything together with and share everything with. That I wouldnt be happy with a partner who had past relationships because I dont want my partner to give things to other people that could have been shared between us. And I dont see the distinction between serial monogomy and polyamory etc.

So anyway after being friends for 1.5 years, we got closer and we went on a date. I hugged her for 45 miniutes because I was so happy to have found someone I could share everything with after being quite lonely all my life. And at this same place she told me stuff like "ive never been in a relationship before I've only dated someone for two weeks and kissed and that's it". And she said random things whenever we first did anything sexual like saying things feel really weird or saying things were different to what she expected... like obvious things which made it clear she hadnt done these things before.

Anyway it just turns out that she was manipulating me, lying, that she had loads of exes and actually I learnt a lot of things about sex I wish I never knew. She did upset me at points in the relationship like wanting to watch porn together and I was just watching her getting off watching some other guy. It really upset me because I just wanted a loving romantic relationship not to watch the person who is supposed to love me getting off watching some other guy. And then darker stuff started to come in, she started asking me to call her a slut, slap her in the face, "talk to her" which I didnt know what she meant until a lot later when I learnt what cybersex and "dirty talk" is, because I was quite sexually naive before. Then I became kind of scared of sex because every time she said "talk to me" it just really hurt and I thought she is just wanting me to say the stuff her exes said to her. She said quite a few hurtful things like that she had the best orgasms of her life aged 14, which made me feel really inferior and I know she was in an open relationship with multiple boys/men at that age. And also she did stuff with at least 5 other people, 3 men and 2 girls, that I know of whilst we were together.

In the end I just feel like I hate sex now and so depressed, like I was just manipulated and lied to by someone who I considered my best friend and soul mate. Like I can never have what I wanted now because she stole that from me, to lose my virginity to a virgin and just have someone where we went through everything together. That will never happen in my life now.

What I will do now is just try to get half of it, try and find someone who is like the person I used to idealise being with. Whilst it is ruined and I can never share everything with her, tell her she's the only person I've ever wanted or ever said I love you to or anything, I will always feel bad that I slept with another person but maybe I can find someone understanding who wont mind.

Before I was with her I didnt mind a lot of things like I would have said it's ok if my partner used to watch porn, it's ok if she's kissed someone else and dated etc.. I mostly just kind of wanted someone on the same level as me. After now she drove me into a state of anxiety and made me much more insecure about things.

I do hope to find someone who gives me the opposite feelings she gave to me though one day.

Don't take this the wrong way. But I think you need counselling. What that girl did in lying to you is completely wrong, but your issues started before that she just worsened them.

I didnt have issues before, I dont see why you would try to pathologise a romantic ideal or someone's personal interpretation of sex, personal wants or anything. Lots of people would prefer to lose their virginity to a virgin and stay with them forever. To me it's still so romantic and idealistic.