How do I get over someone?

Without going into too much detail, I want to get over someone I used to have feelings for, but I know he doesn't feel the same way about me. The easiest thing would seem to be to forget about him, but I don't want to lose him. Is there a way of getting over someone while remaining friends?

(Anon for privacy reasons; friends use this site who would know who I'm talking about.)

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Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Time..... you cant exactly do alot.

I tried bouncing back with other girls after a serious relationship, it doesnt work.
Sometimes it gets hard but you just need to give it time IMO

Reply 2

lil_sweetie

Try and look at other guys in the same way you see him....I know where you're coming from here, I was in the same situation last year. If you're absolutely certain he doesn't feel the same way then time really is the only thing...maybe try making a list of all his flaws? Nasty situation to be in :frown:

*hug*

Reply 3

Zinc11

By falling for someone else.

but yeah, it just takes time.

oh and i dont think you ever truly get over a serious crush. i remember every single one of my crushes.

Reply 4

username47781

Has he told you he doesn't feel the same way?

Reply 5

Jimmy_everything

well. you need to completely get away from being the person that was in love with that person... if that makes sense. take down all pictures, wear different clothes, listen to different music and try to associate with different people... all of this is to an extent obviously im not suggesting you completely change.. but it helps not to have the reminders. saying that, it took me best part of a year... although i didnt do most of this stuff ^ until about 6 months.

Reply 6

Squelchy

Jimmy_everything

Terrible advice. You're suggesting giving up the things she enjoys, such as the clothes and music she likes most, and changing her friendship group, just to get over somebody? You can say "all of this is to an extent obviously im not suggesting you completely change" all you like, but the fact is that you are suggesting she completely change.

This is the LAST thing she should do.

Anyway, to the OP: I would suggest just staying out of his way for a while, and perhaps trying to meet other guys.

Reply 7

FadedJade

I've never been able to be friends with the guy straight away as i was upset about the situation or whatever. its easier to avoid them for a while, until one day you bump into them and realise that its all ok and you can be friends again. We're now back to being the best friends we were before the relationship occurred.

Reply 8

Enchanté

I tend to agree with Nina, it's best to avoid them because if you keep seeing them you'll keep thinking about them and so on.

Reply 9

Jimmy_everything

Squelchy

its not terrible advice at all, it is all to extent im not suggesting anybody should completely change, or are you going to ignore that i said that again? its not a bad idea to avoid the things that remind you of the person you're trying to get over. it doesnt just happen by itself.

Reply 10

Squelchy

Jimmy_everything

I'm not ignoring what you said. You suggested she should give up the things which define her as a person, her interests, the things foremost in her life. You said she give up her friends, the music she likes, the clothes she wears, all in aid of forgetting about a person.

What is more fundamental to changing your life than changing your friends and how you dress and what you listen to? I suppose you could've suggested she move to New Zealand and become a farmer. How is getting rid of her friends a good thing? They're there to support her through this tough time. And getting a new wardrobe and CD collection? Expensive and pointless. Those are the things she likes. That's how she likes to dress and what she likes to listen to. She's learnt that from experience. Why change that and go with things she's going to like less? Unless you think every pair of jeans and every CD is going to remind her of her ex.

Reply 11

Jimmy_everything

Squelchy

i suggested she should try and avoid the things that remind her of said person. its really not much to ask, and you're taking it out of all context as if she should have a sex change, stop talking to her parents and move country. no, just to listen to the new snow patrol album instead of the old one, or wear the old jumper you never used to wear, instead of the one the ex always used to wear. really simple everyday choices.

Reply 12

Squelchy

That's not how it read. You said "you need to completely get away from being the person that was in love with that person." To me, completely getting away from being the person you used to be involves a touch more than listening to the new Snow Patrol album instead of the old one.

And I really don't see how you can play off "try to associate with different people."

Reply 13

Jimmy_everything

Squelchy

and herein lies the kill; making small choices differently wont make you feel like you're denying yourself, just doing something slightly different, and may not remind you of things when the usual routine sure will.

try to associate with different people? its not fun being asked every day how you are, if you've spoken to them, having mutual friends drawing their lines and everyone having an opinion on it. new people make you feel different, people who just know you as you, and not as the empty shell resulting from what was you and partner.

Reply 14

Squelchy

Well all I can say is that if all you have to do to "completely get away from being the person that was in love with that person" (i.e. completely change your sense of self identity) is put on the new Snow Patrol album instead of the old one, then I envy you your psychological malleability.

Reply 15

Anonymous #3

I'm in a similar boat as the OP, except it's pretty bad for me as i'm now on a gap year, and she is one of the few people i see. (i live in a smallish town, and literally all my friends went to uni).

Reply 16

Jimmy_everything

Squelchy

you've just made up your mind and you're not even listening to what i say. im guessing you've never been in such a situation? its a pretty simple concept, being with someone for a long time means most the things the come into contact with will have memories of shared times with them, avoiding them when trying to get over someone stands to reason to me, or maybe thats my "psychological malleability" coming out again.

Reply 17

Squelchy

Guess away hotshot. The point is, in your original post you made it sound like she had to completely change everything about her life, which I maintain is utter crap.

If you didn't mean it like that then fine, I acknowledge that, but that's how it read.

Reply 18

Jimmy_everything

ive explained how i meant it.

Reply 19

Squelchy

And since you've clarified, I agree with you, I took issue only with how I interpreted your original post, which read as though you were advocating far more drastic measures than you were.