Muslims girls: advice please
I am a Muslim guy in Uni and I am interested in getting to know a girl I've seen around Uni for potential marriage reasons. She seems quite conservative. She wears Hijab and Abaya and she doesn't really speak to guys when it comes to her social life. I haven't had an opportunity to see her that many times as we are studying different courses. I've seen her in the library and in some society events and she is always with her friend.
Anyway I don't know what to say to her if I see her at an appropriate location and time. I mean I don't want to give the impression that I want a pre-marital relationship with her, nor do I want to give the impression that I want a friendship with her. I seem to be so pessimistic when thinking about this. I keep thinking about the barriers that may occur when making marital advancements. For example 'she will definitely say no', 'her parents might disagree as we are of different ethnicity(This is a common thing within Muslim marriages)', and 'the previous two thoughts don't matter as I don't have the courage to interact with her'.
I've been curious about her for nearly ayear and I've been trying to get my mind off this and just trying to focus on my studies as I am going through a stressful time with my studies at the moment. My parents don't want me to think of marriage at the moment as I am doing a really demanding degree and want me to get that out the way first. I just don't want to find that she has married someone else without even having the opportunity to get to know her. She is also in the middle of a really demanding degree so I'm not sure if she wants to consider marriage right now.
So advice by Muslim girls would be appreciated. What should I say to her next time I see her?
Anyway I don't know what to say to her if I see her at an appropriate location and time. I mean I don't want to give the impression that I want a pre-marital relationship with her, nor do I want to give the impression that I want a friendship with her. I seem to be so pessimistic when thinking about this. I keep thinking about the barriers that may occur when making marital advancements. For example 'she will definitely say no', 'her parents might disagree as we are of different ethnicity(This is a common thing within Muslim marriages)', and 'the previous two thoughts don't matter as I don't have the courage to interact with her'.
I've been curious about her for nearly ayear and I've been trying to get my mind off this and just trying to focus on my studies as I am going through a stressful time with my studies at the moment. My parents don't want me to think of marriage at the moment as I am doing a really demanding degree and want me to get that out the way first. I just don't want to find that she has married someone else without even having the opportunity to get to know her. She is also in the middle of a really demanding degree so I'm not sure if she wants to consider marriage right now.
So advice by Muslim girls would be appreciated. What should I say to her next time I see her?
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Bump for this young gentlemen, I'm in a similar predicament. Albeit I'm at square one and yet to even spot a potential marriage partner.
When my parents bring up the topic of marriage, I try and nudge it away and say I'll never get married because it's an awkward topic for me.
When my parents bring up the topic of marriage, I try and nudge it away and say I'll never get married because it's an awkward topic for me.
Original post by Anonynous
Bump for this young gentlemen, I'm in a similar predicament. Albeit I'm at square one and yet to even spot a potential marriage partner.
When my parents bring up the topic of marriage, I try and nudge it away and say I'll never get married because it's an awkward topic for me.
When my parents bring up the topic of marriage, I try and nudge it away and say I'll never get married because it's an awkward topic for me.
Hopefully you'll spot your potential marriage partner soon.
And I can understand, it is an awkward topic to talk about with parents, but you should make the conversation feel as comfortable as possible.
im a muslim girl, i think you should just talk to her dont approach her in a non sensitive way but just start off with a nice conversation otherwise she might think youre a bit full on
Posted from TSR Mobile
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Original post by Anonymous
I am a Muslim guy in Uni and I am interested in getting to know a girl I've seen around Uni for potential marriage reasons. She seems quite conservative. She wears Hijab and Abaya and she doesn't really speak to guys when it comes to her social life. I haven't had an opportunity to see her that many times as we are studying different courses. I've seen her in the library and in some society events and she is always with her friend.
Anyway I don't know what to say to her if I see her at an appropriate location and time. I mean I don't want to give the impression that I want a pre-marital relationship with her, nor do I want to give the impression that I want a friendship with her. I seem to be so pessimistic when thinking about this. I keep thinking about the barriers that may occur when making marital advancements. For example 'she will definitely say no', 'her parents might disagree as we are of different ethnicity(This is a common thing within Muslim marriages)', and 'the previous two thoughts don't matter as I don't have the courage to interact with her'.
I've been curious about her for nearly ayear and I've been trying to get my mind off this and just trying to focus on my studies as I am going through a stressful time with my studies at the moment. My parents don't want me to think of marriage at the moment as I am doing a really demanding degree and want me to get that out the way first. I just don't want to find that she has married someone else without even having the opportunity to get to know her. She is also in the middle of a really demanding degree so I'm not sure if she wants to consider marriage right now.
So advice by Muslim girls would be appreciated. What should I say to her next time I see her?
Anyway I don't know what to say to her if I see her at an appropriate location and time. I mean I don't want to give the impression that I want a pre-marital relationship with her, nor do I want to give the impression that I want a friendship with her. I seem to be so pessimistic when thinking about this. I keep thinking about the barriers that may occur when making marital advancements. For example 'she will definitely say no', 'her parents might disagree as we are of different ethnicity(This is a common thing within Muslim marriages)', and 'the previous two thoughts don't matter as I don't have the courage to interact with her'.
I've been curious about her for nearly ayear and I've been trying to get my mind off this and just trying to focus on my studies as I am going through a stressful time with my studies at the moment. My parents don't want me to think of marriage at the moment as I am doing a really demanding degree and want me to get that out the way first. I just don't want to find that she has married someone else without even having the opportunity to get to know her. She is also in the middle of a really demanding degree so I'm not sure if she wants to consider marriage right now.
So advice by Muslim girls would be appreciated. What should I say to her next time I see her?
Not a muslim, but just speak to her when you're at a society event with her? Also if you've never spoken to her and are already thinking of marriage try not to come on to strongly :/ I doubt she'd ignore you or be rude to you though just for having a conversation
I'm pretty sure the Islamic way is to propose is by approaching the girl's Wali (guardian). If she is as religious as you say then she would probably not want to talk to guys at all unless necessary (for work/school). Therefore, trying to talk to her directly might scare her away.
"My parents don't want me to think of marriage at the moment as I am doing a really demanding degree and want me to get that out the way first."
Then there is a problem. If you can't marry then you should wait.
"My parents don't want me to think of marriage at the moment as I am doing a really demanding degree and want me to get that out the way first."
Then there is a problem. If you can't marry then you should wait.
Original post by ha27
im a muslim girl, i think you should just talk to her dont approach her in a non sensitive way but just start off with a nice conversation otherwise she might think youre a bit full on
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
I'll try to do that. I'm just really nervous when I see her but I'll try to overcome this. Also, since she is quite conservative, she doesn't really speak to guys socially, so she might find it a bit rude that I am trying to speak to her.
Original post by Ankabout
I'm pretty sure the Islamic way is to propose is by approaching the girl's Wali (guardian). If she is as religious as you say then she would probably not want to talk to guys at all unless necessary (for work/school). Therefore, trying to talk to her directly might scare her away.
"My parents don't want me to think of marriage at the moment as I am doing a really demanding degree and want me to get that out the way first."
Then there is a problem. If you can't marry then you should wait.
"My parents don't want me to think of marriage at the moment as I am doing a really demanding degree and want me to get that out the way first."
Then there is a problem. If you can't marry then you should wait.
I can't approach them as I don't have her parent's contact details. And it does seem that she doesn't want to speak to guys unless it's necessary, so that's why I'm worried she might feel uncomfortable if I speak to her directly.
And the reason I don't want to wait too long is in case I find out she has married someone else without me having an opportunity to ask her.
I can get married now. It is possible, but it would make situations even more stressful for me.
Original post by Anonymous
I can't approach them as I don't have her parent's contact details. And it does seem that she doesn't want to speak to guys unless it's necessary, so that's why I'm worried she might feel uncomfortable if I speak to her directly.
Yeah it could get pretty awkward.
Tread carefully and only talk when in public/class i.e. when she's not by herself... otherwise she might feel uncomfortable with a strange guy approaching her out of the blue.The most important thing to remember, is that whatever her beliefs are and whatever her ethnic background is, she is a human first and she has emotions
If you contact her Wali without knowing her, she will feel that you have gone behind her back and she will be scared, you could be the coolest guy in the world, her ideal man, but it would push her away, talk to her. If she doesn't want male attention, she will tell you and then you can leave her alone, but at least you will know. Get to know the girl.
If it gets to that stage, then you can think about talking with her family, but put yourself in her shoes for a moment, what is more strange, some guy you don't know trying to talk with you, or some guy you don't know contacting your family as the first step to marrying you?
If you contact her Wali without knowing her, she will feel that you have gone behind her back and she will be scared, you could be the coolest guy in the world, her ideal man, but it would push her away, talk to her. If she doesn't want male attention, she will tell you and then you can leave her alone, but at least you will know. Get to know the girl.
If it gets to that stage, then you can think about talking with her family, but put yourself in her shoes for a moment, what is more strange, some guy you don't know trying to talk with you, or some guy you don't know contacting your family as the first step to marrying you?
(edited 9 years ago)
Hi well considering that im a muslim girl myself,
well i think you should talk to her and get to know her abit obviously with someone respectable present.When you talk to her tell her about how youve seen her around the uni and that she seems like a nice girl that you want to know etc
Once you've started to talk to her and you get to that point that you start to develop feeling for her,i advise that you ask her, about marriage??
However,you don't want to start talking to her and develop these feelings and in the end find that she doesnt want to marry you.
So i would also advise to talk and get to know her but to also be very up front about the idea of marriage because you are both mature adults who can come to a conclusion about whether or not you would be ideal for each other.
I would also recommend that if you do talk to her, to let one of you're parents know that you are considering someone to be youre future wife
Also dont force a relationship upon her.When you first talk to her ask her if she sees you in the same way and does she feel comfortable talking to you,because for all you know she might not want to be in a relationship.
Hope that helps-GOODLUCK
well i think you should talk to her and get to know her abit obviously with someone respectable present.When you talk to her tell her about how youve seen her around the uni and that she seems like a nice girl that you want to know etc
Once you've started to talk to her and you get to that point that you start to develop feeling for her,i advise that you ask her, about marriage??
However,you don't want to start talking to her and develop these feelings and in the end find that she doesnt want to marry you.
So i would also advise to talk and get to know her but to also be very up front about the idea of marriage because you are both mature adults who can come to a conclusion about whether or not you would be ideal for each other.
I would also recommend that if you do talk to her, to let one of you're parents know that you are considering someone to be youre future wife
Also dont force a relationship upon her.When you first talk to her ask her if she sees you in the same way and does she feel comfortable talking to you,because for all you know she might not want to be in a relationship.
Hope that helps-GOODLUCK
Original post by Ankabout
Yeah it could get pretty awkward. Tread carefully and only talk when in public/class i.e. when she's not by herself... otherwise she might feel uncomfortable with a strange guy approaching her out of the blue.
Tread carefully and only talk when in public/class i.e. when she's not by herself... otherwise she might feel uncomfortable with a strange guy approaching her out of the blue.I can't talk in class as I do a different course to what she does. Our lectures and practicals are in different buildings. I guess the ideal public place I can speak to her is in the library next time I see her there. I am there quite a lot so I'll be on the lookout for her. It's not as strange as you think as it's not completely out of the blue. It's in University and I think she will recognise me because of societies and all of that.
Also once I was accidently staring at her whilst she was talking to her friend and she caught me so I got nervous and looked away.
Original post by yo radical one
If you contact her Wali without knowing her, she will feel that you have gone behind her back and she will be scared...
If the girl agrees with her Wali's decision in approving a spouse for her (which is the case for conservative Muslim girls I think) then it wouldn't be "going behind her back". This is how arranged marriage proposals work which is kinda like setting up a blind date but with girl and guy's families involved. It's different from a forced marriage so the girl can say no.
If the OP does not want to "give the impression that he wants a friendship with her", then maybe talking directly to the girl is not the best idea. hmm.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Chad-Thundercock
Tell her to come get some Chad I'll end her evil terrorist Muslim ways.
troll.
Original post by Ankabout
If the girl agrees with her Wali's decision in approving a spouse for her (which is the case for conservative Muslim girls I think) then it wouldn't be "going behind her back". This is how arranged marriages work which is kinda like setting up a blind date but only with girl and guy's families involved. It's different from a forced marriage where the girl can say no.
If the OP does not want to "give the impression that he wants a friendship with her", then maybe talking directly to the girl is not the best idea. hmm.
If the OP does not want to "give the impression that he wants a friendship with her", then maybe talking directly to the girl is not the best idea. hmm.
I also agree, I would never pressurize or force her to accept if I end up asking. The decision would be completely up to her, so it isn't 'going beind her back'.
That's true, I don't want to give the wrong impression of wanting a pre-marital relationship or friendship with her as I am also quite conservative on this matter. I don't do pre-marital relationships and I'm not friends with any girls.(Well just one girl who is non-Muslim and it's nothing like that)
This is just pure lust. You have never spoken to her yet you have intentions of marrying her?
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Hmm if she was quite conservative, then she may find it awkward if you go up to her and start talking to her. Especially if she doesn't socialise with guys, is there an islamic society at your uni? If you speak to her with her friends there or at an event like that, that would make it easier, maybe try and get to know her though again you have to be careful trying to have a friendship, don't come on too strong. Just chatting here and there, sometimes the girls get the message, especially if they are thinking about marriage in the near future themselves.
Just talk to her but when you do like someone else above mentioned make sure there's other people around and you two aren't alone.
Original post by Anonymous
I also agree, I would never pressurize or force her to accept if I end up asking. The decision would be completely up to her, so it isn't 'going beind her back'.
That's true, I don't want to give the wrong impression of wanting a pre-marital relationship or friendship with her as I am also quite conservative on this matter. I don't do pre-marital relationships and I'm not friends with any girls.(Well just one girl who is non-Muslim and it's nothing like that)
That's true, I don't want to give the wrong impression of wanting a pre-marital relationship or friendship with her as I am also quite conservative on this matter. I don't do pre-marital relationships and I'm not friends with any girls.(Well just one girl who is non-Muslim and it's nothing like that)
Ok wish you best of luck. If you have a society in common, you could talk about that. Talk in a group setting (e.g. when she is with her friends) so she feels more comfortable... no matter what keep it as clean as possible.
(edited 9 years ago)
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