How to deal with internalised homophobia?

Not sure if I posted this in the right place...

So I have known since I was 14 that I am something other than heterosexual. I wouldn't be considered a homophobe by anyone who knows me, in fact quite the opposite; I find it enjoyable to campaign for other LGBTQ people. But when it comes to me, I find myself wishing to be anything other than this, unable to control negative thoughts which have become extreme in the past because I think that this is 'bad'and I also keep it hidden. It's come to a point where I am stopping myself reciprocating feelings for people of the same gender because it makes me hate myself.

Anyone experienced anything similar to this - any advice of how to overcome it?

(I'll ignore any hateful trolls so don't waste your time)

I think this is fairly common - and it's something that goes with time. The main advice I can give really, is just to not worry about it and carry on with life. Don't worry too much about how you feel about yourself, you're adjusting to change it takes time, that's natural

I just feel it should have improved over my teenage years, and it doesn't feel like it's getting any better - in fact, I think it's worsening. Thanks for your advice though.

Do you have other gay friends?

No, not that I know of anyway.

Hmm, that would help. I feel you need to try and socialise with more gay people to help you normalise it.

Talk to your parents or find a friend who you trust who won't blab

I can't talk to my parents about it.

I have one friend who I talk to about it but he doesn't really understand so isn't very empathetic.

I think, maybe, I'm experiencing something similar, except with regard to transgenderism.

Basically, I think I might be transgender. I was confused for ages and didn't know, and now I've decided that the only explanation is that I'm transgender. But I just hate it..?

I don't hate transgender people at all. I have my own beliefs about what the condition actually is, but I absolutely would campaign for their equality and whatever. But just in regard to myself, I find the thought of being transgender absolutely mortifying. Like, literally I would rather die than be transgender.

It's really confusing. Part of me thinks it'd be cool to dress like a woman (be one?... idk), and I think people who do must be so brave and I respect them if thats their choice, but there's something I find totally repugnant about doing it. None of my friends/family dislike transgender people, so I don't know where this visceral hatred comes from.

Yeah, I live in a really homophobic area so I guess that doesn't help. I'm hoping it will get better when I go to uni.

I suspected this might be the case. Was it like that at school? Just asking, feel free to tell me to mind my own business.

I had feelings for a girl throughout secondary school, and I always hated myself for it, so much so I'd take it out on her. Nobody knew about it, and I had a heterosexual relationship so no one ever questioned me. But it was a pretty homophobic environment.

Sorry, assumed you were a bloke, not sure why. Not that it matters.

I get what you're saying.

Not sure if I posted this in the right place...

So I have known since I was 14 that I am something other than heterosexual. I wouldn't be considered a homophobe by anyone who knows me, in fact quite the opposite; I find it enjoyable to campaign for other LGBTQ people. But when it comes to me, I find myself wishing to be anything other than this, unable to control negative thoughts which have become extreme in the past because I think that this is 'bad'and I also keep it hidden. It's come to a point where I am stopping myself reciprocating feelings for people of the same gender because it makes me hate myself.

Anyone experienced anything similar to this - any advice of how to overcome it?

(I'll ignore any hateful trolls so don't waste your time)

It might help to chat to some other LGBT+ people about how you feel. There's always the LGBT+ Soc on TSR - http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2529505

Are you going of to uni soon? If you are, trust me, it's a completely different environment. You did say you live in a homophobic environment and don't have gay friends, so it's not unusual to have internalized prejudicies under these conditions... a LOT of gays hve internalized homophobia although they don't even realize it.

I really think the only way to 'normalize' your feelings is by becoming familiar with the whole gay thing... when you go to uni it will be a completely different environment, trust me. You will have the opportunity to get to know other gay people, there are plenty of out gays at uni so you will come across them even if you dont search for them. And people dont care at all and you will notice how many gays there actually are. There are SO many gay people, when you actually experience this and not just hear some random girl (me haha) say this on the Internet, you will start to overcome the shame/self-loathing, and there are so many many people actively supporting the gay community....it's very important to have gay friends if you're gay, I know whats it like when literally no one around you is gay and everyone else is ignorant about it as well. Its really, really hard.

You do have to work on improving your situation, thats what I did when I went off to uni. Just be careful.... I know the closet mentality is very hard to shake off but if you're uncomfortable with yourself, people will be uncomfortable with you. Dont drag the closet with you if you plan on starting a new life.