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I like this girl who has a boyfriend

There's this girl I've know for many years. We're both 21 now.

Back 5 years ago in high school, we both really liked each other. But I was too scared to do anything about it (even though I had about 3 years to make a move). We both came to the same university but we didn't talk much since we were taking different courses, and eventually she got a boyfriend. They've been together for 2.5 years now.

I just recently had a class for a whole semester with her and my feelings for her have resurfaced. I really care about this girl, and I'm so sad that I missed an opportunity to be with her.


I don't want to be a douche and try to steal her away from her boyfriend, but I feel like she's the one for me. I'm still hoping that she still likes me back, but I don't know how to tell if she does or not. It's been over 5 years and I still can't stop thinking about her.

What are the chances she still likes me back? Should I say anything or should I just leave it?

Also, in a couple months time, I'm going away 1400km to start Medical School, which will be for 5 years, and I'll probably never see her again.

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Reply 1
Avatar for xxm
xxm
14
go out there and do what makes you happy son life too short and yes i know its sad for the other guy but can't stop you from pursuing happiness
Morals.
If she dumps/cheats on her boyfriend for you.
What's stopping her from doing that to you for another guy?
She already has a boyfriend, what she needs is a friend, plus the distance for medical school could cause the failure of that relationship so there is really no point.
Just wait. Be an associate...For now. If there's is a break up between them, you become a FRIEND, but don't you dare sleep with her right after the break-up even if she insists. Don't worry about being friend zoned; that will only happen if you're consistently around her.
Original post by 1st Love
There's this girl I've know for many years. We're both 21 now.

Back 5 years ago in high school, we both really liked each other. But I was too scared to do anything about it (even though I had about 3 years to make a move). We both came to the same university but we didn't talk much since we were taking different courses, and eventually she got a boyfriend. They've been together for 2.5 years now.

I just recently had a class for a whole semester with her and my feelings for her have resurfaced. I really care about this girl, and I'm so sad that I missed an opportunity to be with her.


I don't want to be a douche and try to steal her away from her boyfriend, but I feel like she's the one for me. I'm still hoping that she still likes me back, but I don't know how to tell if she does or not. It's been over 5 years and I still can't stop thinking about her.

What are the chances she still likes me back? Should I say anything or should I just leave it?

Also, in a couple months time, I'm going away 1400km to start Medical School, which will be for 5 years, and I'll probably never see her again.


if you know the boyfriend then its bro code. if you dont then its gabos
Reply 5
Avatar for Zarek
Zarek
21
Re-friend, keep in touch, if she splits up - pounce. It's the only slightly possible happy ending..
Reply 6
Avatar for James CC
James CC
OP
11
Original post by xxm
go out there and do what makes you happy son life too short and yes i know its sad for the other guy but can't stop you from pursuing happiness


What do I do/say though?
I don't want to message her "I've had a crush on you for over 5 years". That seems too direct and what if her boyfriend reads it or something? And what if it makes things awkward between us if she says "thanks but I'm happy where I am".

Original post by Anonymous
Morals.
If she dumps/cheats on her boyfriend for you.
What's stopping her from doing that to you for another guy?
She already has a boyfriend, what she needs is a friend, plus the distance for medical school could cause the failure of that relationship so there is really no point.


That's a good point, maybe she will cheat on me if she does decide to go with me. But the only thing is I know she's had a crush on me for many, many years and it was only when we drifted apart because of university that she got a boyfriend.

Maybe she can move to where my medical school is and continue her honours year there? I am dreaming so much... I just feel so heartbroken, I've known her for over 15 years and had a crush on her for over 5 years.

Original post by ForeverHopefully
Just wait. Be an associate...For now. If there's is a break up between them, you become a FRIEND, but don't you dare sleep with her right after the break-up even if she insists. Don't worry about being friend zoned; that will only happen if you're consistently around her.

Original post by Zarek
Re-friend, keep in touch, if she splits up - pounce. It's the only slightly possible happy ending..


They've been together for 2.5 years and I've waited a while now. I don't want to play the waiting game anymore, I will be moving away soon.
It seems like I should be trying to become closer friends with her, but I don't know how. I feel like I can't just ask her to 'hang out' because she has a boyfriend.

Original post by matthewduncan
if you know the boyfriend then its bro code. if you dont then its gabos


For me, the bro code has gone down the drain ever since a 'friend' of mine betrayed me. I don't know this boyfriend of hers as well.
Original post by 1st Love
What do I do/say though?
I don't want to message her "I've had a crush on you for over 5 years". That seems too direct and what if her boyfriend reads it or something? And what if it makes things awkward between us if she says "thanks but I'm happy where I am".



That's a good point, maybe she will cheat on me if she does decide to go with me. But the only thing is I know she's had a crush on me for many, many years and it was only when we drifted apart because of university that she got a boyfriend.

Maybe she can move to where my medical school is and continue her honours year there? I am dreaming so much... I just feel so heartbroken, I've known her for over 15 years and had a crush on her for over 5 years.




They've been together for 2.5 years and I've waited a while now. I don't want to play the waiting game anymore, I will be moving away soon.
It seems like I should be trying to become closer friends with her, but I don't know how. I feel like I can't just ask her to 'hang out' because she has a boyfriend.



For me, the bro code has gone down the drain ever since a 'friend' of mine betrayed me. I don't know this boyfriend of hers as well.


if you dont know the bf then you are free to sleep with her
Reply 8
Avatar for James CC
James CC
OP
11
Original post by matthewduncan
if you dont know the bf then you are free to sleep with her


Please no sarcasm, I know I may seem like a d*ck but only because this girl is really important to me. I've known her for over 15 years and liked her for over 5 years.

I don't want to sleep with her, I want to know if she still likes me.
Reply 9
Avatar for EnolaGay
EnolaGay
3
Original post by 1st Love



What are the chances she still likes me back? Should I say anything or should I just leave it?



1. The chances are little, as she has a boyfriend now and is with him for 2 and 1/2 years.

2. Confessing your feelings to her or anything like it won't be a good idea now but if you really feel for her then stay in touch, try and get to be good friends and in the future hope she's not with the same guy and when; if; single, make a move.

You've also said that you're moving far away for med school, so likely having a great distance won't work, even if it does it would be really hard. It's just feelings, it can fade away and you might meet someone better later, you can't say! So.. you get it.
It is a really difficult situation.

She has a boyfriend who she has now been with for a significant period of time. The chances are strong that she is happy and that she loves him. Telling her how you feel is likely to wind up in one of two ways and to be honest neither of them are likely to end up positive.

1) She says that she doesn't feel that same way and it makes your friendship at best awkward and at worse she doesn't feel that she can be friends with you/her boyfriend would rather she didn't hang around with you any more.

2) She says that she feels the same and leaves her boyfriend to be with you. Then you move away and you find yourselves in a long distance relationship (which while they can work can be really difficult especially if it is a new relationship and you are starting a new and challenging degree).

Obviously no one here can tell you what to do. However if I was in your situation I would probably pull back slightly and spend less time with her as that is just torturing yourself. You don't need to cut all contact but just pull away a bit. You move away in a few months and start a new life where you will meet lots of new people.

By all means if you want to tell her then tell her. But just be mentally prepared that you may not get the response that you were hoping for.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
#Revelations. Take all relationship advice from this guy

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Original post by 1st Love
Please no sarcasm, I know I may seem like a d*ck but only because this girl is really important to me. I've known her for over 15 years and liked her for over 5 years.

I don't want to sleep with her, I want to know if she still likes me.


werent tryna sound sarky bro
i would say the best way to find out is too put it to the test yourself.
Tell how how you feel,stroke her face or touch her hair,give her a kiss etc
I've been in a similar situation. First how do you know that she liked you in the first place? are you sure you weren't just close friends? And you keep mentioning how you think she's practically 'the one.' Have you been in other romantic relationships in the past? Not to be mean but frankly, that just might have made you desperate and seem like it (speaking from first hand experience :/) Finally, people here keep saying wait for them to break up and move in... but that's just gonna make you a rebound and she's gonna leave you either back together with her bf or another guy. Sorry I have to break the news but I found out how much it hurts, especially when you love the person so much more than they love you back, but I think keeping it just as friends would be the way to protect yourself from completely shattering your heart and feeling like there's a hole where your heart used to be. If you don't think you can stay as friends, have some time apart until you start falling for someone else and the feeling will fade eventually.
Original post by 1st Love
There's this girl I've know for many years. We're both 21 now.

Back 5 years ago in high school, we both really liked each other. But I was too scared to do anything about it (even though I had about 3 years to make a move). We both came to the same university but we didn't talk much since we were taking different courses, and eventually she got a boyfriend. They've been together for 2.5 years now.

I just recently had a class for a whole semester with her and my feelings for her have resurfaced. I really care about this girl, and I'm so sad that I missed an opportunity to be with her.


I don't want to be a douche and try to steal her away from her boyfriend, but I feel like she's the one for me. I'm still hoping that she still likes me back, but I don't know how to tell if she does or not. It's been over 5 years and I still can't stop thinking about her.

What are the chances she still likes me back? Should I say anything or should I just leave it?

Also, in a couple months time, I'm going away 1400km to start Medical School, which will be for 5 years, and I'll probably never see her again.


If you're leaving in a couple of months for medical school anyway, why bother at all? She's been with her current boyfriend for quite a long time and it's highly unlikely she's going to just ditch him because you've finally mustered the courage to tell her you like her :tongue: If you were going to be around her for a lot longer, then I'd say it would be a more difficult decision - but you're leaving soon anyway.
I'm going to tell you the same thing I generally tell people in this situation.

Most people on here will reply telling you that trying it with a girl that is taken is immoral but let's face it- it's a dog eat dog world and most guys wouldn't hesitate or think twice about you were they given a chance to try and date/**** your hypothetical girl.
She is not his property and you do nothing but provide the girl with another option of which she is free to choose from. She has the agency to decide to leave her boyfriend, you weren't the root cause of it you were simply there, anything else is infantilisation- implying she's weak willed enough to jump at any offer.
If this girl is a source of happiness for you and makes your world a brighter place I would go ahead. Life's to short to be the nice guy who doesn't get what he wants, I'd hate to look back at myself years later ruing the fact I didn't even try.

At the same time though, how much do you stand to gain from this pursuit if you're going to medical school soon?

Also the "What's stopping her from doing that to you for another guy?" is just a poor argument all together.
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 16
Avatar for MAINE.
MAINE.
3
Original post by 1st Love
There's this girl I've know for many years. We're both 21 now.

Back 5 years ago in high school, we both really liked each other. But I was too scared to do anything about it (even though I had about 3 years to make a move). We both came to the same university but we didn't talk much since we were taking different courses, and eventually she got a boyfriend. They've been together for 2.5 years now.

I just recently had a class for a whole semester with her and my feelings for her have resurfaced. I really care about this girl, and I'm so sad that I missed an opportunity to be with her.


I don't want to be a douche and try to steal her away from her boyfriend, but I feel like she's the one for me. I'm still hoping that she still likes me back, but I don't know how to tell if she does or not. It's been over 5 years and I still can't stop thinking about her.

What are the chances she still likes me back? Should I say anything or should I just leave it?

Also, in a couple months time, I'm going away 1400km to start Medical School, which will be for 5 years, and I'll probably never see her again.



Tbh dont think there's anything wrong with hitting on girls that have BFs.

If she cheats on her BF then she's a sloot and the BF is better off without her, and on the flipside, if she does cheat on her man, then potentially he aint giving her what she needs.

Either way, you shouldnt feel guilty.
I honestly think go for it. You've liked her for she's, it's not just a casual crush, and life's too shirt to leave things unsaid.
IF she does like you and leave him for you, great for you and ultimately their relationship was never going to be succesful anyway - I wouldnt want to be with someone who'd leave me for someone else.
If not, well you won't see her so it won't be awkward and their relationship remains.
Original post by Anonymous
Morals.
If she dumps/cheats on her boyfriend for you.
What's stopping her from doing that to you for another guy?
She already has a boyfriend, what she needs is a friend, plus the distance for medical school could cause the failure of that relationship so there is really no point.


This logic is literally so stupid. No two relationships are the same. It's basically like saying 'if she broke up with her ex what makes you think she wont break up with you too?'
Original post by 1st Love
There's this girl I've know for many years. We're both 21 now.

Back 5 years ago in high school, we both really liked each other. But I was too scared to do anything about it (even though I had about 3 years to make a move). We both came to the same university but we didn't talk much since we were taking different courses, and eventually she got a boyfriend. They've been together for 2.5 years now.

I just recently had a class for a whole semester with her and my feelings for her have resurfaced. I really care about this girl, and I'm so sad that I missed an opportunity to be with her.


I don't want to be a douche and try to steal her away from her boyfriend, but I feel like she's the one for me. I'm still hoping that she still likes me back, but I don't know how to tell if she does or not. It's been over 5 years and I still can't stop thinking about her.

What are the chances she still likes me back? Should I say anything or should I just leave it?

Also, in a couple months time, I'm going away 1400km to start Medical School, which will be for 5 years, and I'll probably never see her again.


I don't really think there's much point contemplating the future in this case, it's more about the present.
You should tell her how you feel, explain she has a boyfriend and you understand the boundaries but you've felt this way for a long time and felt this was your only opportunity to tell her.

If she gets with you happy days, if not then you have your answer instead of contemplating.

Don't try and damage the relationship though. One of my friends told me recently they liked me, and after suggesting we stay friends they started sending me texts about kissing me and buying me underwear. My boyfriend seen it, and I had to end the friendship.

The fact is: if she likes you back she'll tell you. If she doesn't you will need to accept her answer.

Tell her how you feel then deal with the answer. You want her to break up with him and get with you. But don't try and creep your way in. There's no respect for people like that.

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