My boyfriend is too closed with me

I've been going out with my boyfriend for seven months now, I love him loads and he's my best friend, we get on great and I feel like we're really good together. One thing that bothers me about him, and that upsets me is that he's a really closed person the opposite to me. He won't tell me about his job (which is my main issue) and I've said to him numerous times he can tell me anything and I won't judge him; this just turns into an argument because he thinks I'm being pushy and unreasonable and that it's up to him whether he tells me about his job or not. I'm a sensitive person and this just gets to me sometimes. He's had a hard childhood because his parents were divorced when he was young and I think that has left a big impact on his life even though he would never admit it, there are lots of personal details that I don't know because they're too painful for him to tell me yet and I appreciate that, I just hope that he does open up to feel like he doesn't need to keep these things from me and that I will understand and help him to cope with it more. It doesn't help that he's quite a stubborn person and won't tell me about his job when I ask him, he's graduated now and got a really good degree so I don't know why there's an issue with it :frown:

Reply 1

MaseratiJay

There's being closed...and then there's whatever this guy is being.

Is it that he doesn't want you to know how much he is earning or something? I don't get it? What about his job do you ask him?

If he's being like that then chances are he will never change. So him being 'too closed' is either something you will have to put up with or leave.

Reply 2

shawn_o1

He sounds like the sort of person that's ready to walk away from you when you drown in a pit of mud. You're just a book in his life, ready to be thrown away when he feels like it. Basically, you need to leave him now. Leave him before he takes advantage of you.

Reply 3

Huskaris

It seems like you are just causing him more stress. Let him know you are there for him and let him deal with it in his own way.

Reply 4

A5ko

Original post by Sulpha

What a load of ****.

I'm actually kind of in slight agreement with Shawn on this one.

Maybe not being as hasty as leaving them right now, but be prepared that they may be simply waiting for a better offer.

Reply 5

ringlet

I think it's a bit bizarre that he won't tell you about it. Has he said why? I can't really think of any reason to hide that kind of thing.
That's not being closed, that's being secretive. Because being closed, I think, is not talking about things you're not comfortable with. i.e. emotions (I struggle with this one). But him making it an argument makes it harder for you to speak to him, and he needs to see that being in a relationship is sharing your life with someone - and currently, he's not doing that.

Reply 6

Gjaykay

Original post by Anonymous

He just doesn't want to talk to you about those things. Get off his arse about it, he owes you no explanation.
And if he doesn't talk about some childhood incidents that were painful for him, you're a total jackass for trying to get him to talk about it.

Reply 7

BlueSheep32

The emotional stuff I can understand him perhaps not wanting to tell you about - maybe he'll tell you when he's ready. My boyfriend doesn't really tell me a lot about things like that from his past (or his present really, I think he tends to try to deal with things himself without telling me) and I don't pry because I feel like he'll tell if he feels like he should. I can be like that sometimes, it was only recently that I properly opened up to him about something from my own past that's been an issue for a long time, and we've been together for 3 years. You've only been together for 7 months, he might not feel quite comfortable enough with telling you things like that yet.

But I can't work out why he won't tell you about his job...I'd be really suspicious about that. It's just his job, why hide it from you, the person who's supposed to be closest to him? Why would you asking him about it cause an argument? This is something you need to confront him about. As other posters have said, there's guarding your emotions and there's just keeping things from someone and not telling you about his job is the latter.