What are the effects of abusive parenting?

I think enrolling in a subject you have little interest in is a mistake, to be honest, no matter what its job prospects are. My brother-in-law is an engineer. He and my sis live comfortably but I just think.....how dull!

Don't get too caught up in what the job prospects are for psychology students. There is nothing wrong with just doing a degree because of your interest in it. You will end up doing something you love eventually. What subject is more likely to lead to a career in research into abuse; engineering or psychology?

There are a few people in my class who have already completed psychology degrees and it is most likely the thing that boosted their chances of getting into MH nursing. So there are uses for a psychology degree even if we don't all become psychologists or psychiatrists after the four years.

Here's another option, if you are concerned about spending 3/4 years at uni fearing the job market. Consider getting work as a healthcare assistant to see if you might be suited to work as a nurse. Annoyingly you have to start off doing general nursing/care of the elderly work before you can work with people with mental health problems but doing it part-time to begin with will give you an idea of what its like.

Having said that, I think it would be best for you to study psychology, maybe do a pHD or masters or postgrad or something and try to get into research.

I've read quite a few online things about it and, from what I can remember, child abuse (I'm talking emotional abuse here but physical abuse probably causes these things as well) just lends itself to mental health problems later in life eg depression, anxiety, low self esteem, potential eating disorders etc

And I suppose a child who has suffered abuse will think it's their fault and, what hurts is, you probably love your family and want to be involved in their lives, but perhaps you're also left feeling that you don't want anything to do with them? You think these people are toxic and not good for you mentally, but they're the only family you have so you have to/want to be with them?

From what I've experienced when I was younger it's made me take a lot longer to warm up to people and trust them than a lot of other people

Also got low self esteem and depression, it's taken a lot of work on myself to become more loud/happier/trusting and realising I'm worth something

It vastly depends on the child and everything that represents their enviroment. For example: physical abuse (that in itself being varied) could make the child abusive as well, or very submissive, accepting beatings as they come from other people as well; It's very true that some kids will feel as if it is their fault they are being abused, but at the same time others won't and they'll blame it on the agressor. Some might try to escape, some not.

An example for emotional abuse: let's say that you keep on telling your offspring that they are useless. Again and again, always the same story; no praise, negativity enough to eat them up. Here I'd say that it would mostly result in them lacking any motivation and feeling as a failure, actually not managing to do anything good (I have no data), or in them going against that and fighting even harder.

Sometimes abuse might also give birth to dangerous fetishes/ways to feel pleasure inside the victim's mind, or at least to such desires that society views as 'abnormal' and 'gross'.

The common thread to their stories: I don't actually think that any kid that grows up like this (is exposed to abuse for long) will grow up healthy. Somewhere, something will begin to go in weird directions at some point. Of course, many don't turn dangerous, but they may be unhappy and definately scarred. Depression, anxiety, shyness, specific hatred of people, may of course form, some more likely than others.

But living in such a stressful enviroment can do so much worse to the mind. For example, schizophrenia can install in earlier years than normal for people who have this mental issue, early 20s. It can cause speech impediments. So much, so many consequences.

Hello,

I'm just interested to see what most people's opinions are about this topic in TSR.

My question is

What effects does abusive parenting have on children?

And I mean that the child suffers from any type of abuse, from physical to emotional.

And what have you read about this topic, any books, articles, documentaries, any neuroscience on this etc. ?

Feel free to discuss, I'm interested in what responses this question raises...

I'm so sorry for that

I can definitely relate to the massive lack of trust in other people.
I only realized later when I tried to understand these feelings, why I still felt the need to be so distrustful of other people.

Out of interest, how have you dealt with these difficult feelings so far?

And do you feel that you should forgive the people that were cruel to you when you were young?

Thanks

And I can't really help it, I might meet a really nice person but I just subconsciously distrust them immediately, it's been one of the hardest things to stop doing

And I could have probably dealt with it a lot better if I had gone to see someone but I learned that no on really cares about my problems so I dealt with them myself, when I was inevitably unable to deal with all my problems I turned to the extremes (suicide) before turning to self harm. It wasn't ideal and I don't really want my family to go through it again so that's all behind me.

And I forgive most people in my life nowadays, but I will never forgive what happened to me when I was younger

Wow, I pretty much agree with the above imo.
I don't know what else to say.

But where and how have you learned this information?
In my opinion, child abuse/mistreatment is still not a thing of the past, since it's still taboo.
The are of emotional abuse and corporal punishment is also still quite taboo imo.

Ohh, thank you! I'm glad you agree.
Hmm, I wouldn't consider it taboo (where I am, at least), but I find it to be a trully interesting subject. I'm really into psychology (almost applied for a degree but damn, the job market sucks)

and always loved observing and analysing stuff like these, other situations, their consequences, etc. This is what I think to be true. Where exactly? Well, from here and there, I know people What about you, how did you come to think this?

I don't really want to go into detail about the other parts because I don't like to talk about it and you seem to have enough helpful comments from other posters!

But I feel like I can get along with almost anyone as I can't justify a reason to dislike someone as much as my abuser, if that makes sense? Although the exceptions to this are people who have traits that I can recognise in my abuser, e.g. appear self centred or manipulative and I quickly panic and shut these people out. I'm a bit paranoid about people manipulating me though so I probably have made some rash decisions due to my past :/

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It's alright, you can go into this as much as you like.
I really want this to be a place where other people can open up and discuss with each other, I just talked a bit about myself to let others know why I'm interested in this subject.



I am actually quite interested in how you have dealt with your feelings from the past towards these people (or person) who treated you cruelly?

Maybe I will open up at some point, I need to stop bottling it all up.

I don't deal with any negative feelings, I got so used to hiding them out of fear that I just bury them subconsciously now, I only know they're there when it all hits me in one big go.

I used to hate them but I've realised recently that this person doesn't actually intend to be cruel - they just have no capacity for seeing how they affect other people. It's made just accept that it is what it is and I count down the days until I can move away from it all and have a fresh start.

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You're definitely, definitely not the only person going through this.
I myself have a problem with facing my difficult memories and emotions, it's what makes me flee into addiction and what brings my depression.

As soon as I have the ability to face that pain and anger, to remember what happened to feel all of my feelings, not just the positive ones, that's when I, ironically start to actually feel better, because all that pressure to face my emotions just goes away. And more importantly, I get to understand my life and why I behave the way I do, from which I can start to change things for the better.






In the bold part, do you mean that you still live with these people?
Are you still dependent on them in anyway?
From my own experience, I can sometimes succumb to my guilt and fear of showing how I really feel towards my parents, which again leads me to depression/addiction.

The more I make myself independent of them, the less I feel guilty about what I feel, and the healthier I am.

I can also relate to this, for most of my life I felt guilty about feeling anger to my own parents, and even fear, because I was not allowed to recognize how they behaved (I was a child, still dependent on them). In fact I rarely even felt any anger when I was younger, it was all suppressed, I constantly had to distract myself from these feelings through addiction, which always lead to depression as a result.

Not only that, but I feel that most people, even my closest friends, always take the side of parents, even if they treated me destructively.
And because of this taboo, and pressure from other people to "stop complaining" (or forgive) it makes me feel alone with what I went through.

At the moment, I have just used Alice Miller's books and tried to deal with my feelings myself.
I feel that most therapist would just pressure me to forgive and manipulate how I feel towards my parents?

Have you had this experience too?



I'm interested though, what has happened to all that anger and resentment, how have you dealt with it? (I mean the feelings you had towards your parents)

For me, I try my best to deal with them consciously, but sometimes my "repression" wins, and I prefer to be depressed (or addicted), rather than to feel so angry and disappointed all the time.
But on the other hand when I do succeed in being in contact with my emotions, I feel much more in control of my life.

Again thank you for being here