What are the effects of abusive parenting?
Scroll to see replies
Original post by Anonymous
Sorry I took so long to reply: I'm really not very knowledgeable about psychology so I don't feel able to comment on the younger child's thoughts, but I wouldn't be surprised if a child didn't recognise that they were being abused until the damage is done (because they probably just think it's normal)
As for me and what I've done with my anger, fear, and resentment, I haven't really done anything. I've had counselling which really helped me think about what happened and it made me realise I wasn't at fault (but I still have difficulty accepting that). I've never 'confronted' the people who were responsible. I feel angry about it and I sometimes feel as if I need I talk to them to ask why they did these abusive things and do they regret it? (Just for some sense of closure). I'm still fearful and closed with them; I don't tell them personal things for fear of judgement and it is getting too much for me to handle alone. I also think that they don't deserve my company etc because of what they put me through. I'm very afraid as well that if I ever do open up and give them other chances, then I'll regret it because they'll use these things as weapons and they'll just make me feel worse.
It's a horrible thing to happen and live with
As for the forgiveness element, it probably is important; if you let go and accept things that happened, then they probably lose their power over you, but getting to that forgiveness stage is difficult because you might have to talk to them about it and they might not regret their actions (so you're left feeling angry/resentful) whereas if you don't ask them about it, you can still imagine they are sorry and pretend things are better now?
As for me and what I've done with my anger, fear, and resentment, I haven't really done anything. I've had counselling which really helped me think about what happened and it made me realise I wasn't at fault (but I still have difficulty accepting that). I've never 'confronted' the people who were responsible. I feel angry about it and I sometimes feel as if I need I talk to them to ask why they did these abusive things and do they regret it? (Just for some sense of closure). I'm still fearful and closed with them; I don't tell them personal things for fear of judgement and it is getting too much for me to handle alone. I also think that they don't deserve my company etc because of what they put me through. I'm very afraid as well that if I ever do open up and give them other chances, then I'll regret it because they'll use these things as weapons and they'll just make me feel worse.
It's a horrible thing to happen and live with
As for the forgiveness element, it probably is important; if you let go and accept things that happened, then they probably lose their power over you, but getting to that forgiveness stage is difficult because you might have to talk to them about it and they might not regret their actions (so you're left feeling angry/resentful) whereas if you don't ask them about it, you can still imagine they are sorry and pretend things are better now?
Try to feel your emotions step by step and just accept them for what they are, even if it's just extreme anger.
Forgiveness does not do anything but cover up the emotions you still have to face in my opinion.
Once I stopped forgiving and forgetting, I was free to face my past and my emotions without the guilt of having to be "forgiving" to the people who actually ruined a large part of my life.
There are hundreds of side-effects from abuse at the hands of parents, too many to list on here. The ones that stand out to me are a low self-esteem/low self-worth. Some people who are sexually abused may experience sexual dysfunction.
And if anyone decides to do anything about this like actually trying to sort it out I will deny everything. I DO NOT need people trying to resurface things from the past.
Made the post anon because I'm gonna tell people how it feels.
(Details were correct at the time of all of this)
Background - living with grandparents because of court order.
Extra info - I have autism and ADHD
Right well I'm not going into much detail even though I can remember even after 8 years every small detail.
These are things I delt and are still dealing with.
Parental abuse 'side/after effects'
Physical -
Cuts, bruises, sprains.
Mental -
Anxiety, depression, stress related epilepsy.
To list a few.
I have had 'recorded depression' since I was 6 as my school found me self harming even then.
This self harm consisted of running my nails down my face till I bled.
It continued until I was 12-13, the whole depression and self harm. I ended up stopping self harm at 17.
When I was 8 onwards I had attempted to kill myself multiple times, even to the point of writing a will and poisoning myself or jumping into the road. I even remember coming close to drowning.
These attempts stopped after I tried to kill myself using poison for the first time, I didn't pay attention to how long it would take and ended up lying on the floor for hours before being dealt with and taken into hospital.
That was when I was about 14.
The more mental side of the abuse came when I was beaten into submission, I can clearly remember cowering in my room with the lights off trying to hide while they stood there in the doorway, one restraining the other.
I'm afraid of nothing now but the phycological scar remains that if I'm in a dark room the only way to feel safe is to cover my ass with my hands or sit down or be against a wall so I don't get beaten.
Coming out of all of it after living there almost all my life.
I fear no one and stand up to authority.
My response to being hit was to get physically stronger.
My response to verbal abuse was to sharpen my mind.
To lose myself within the internet as a coping stategy means I developed split personalities.
I am bipolar and highly strung enough I've been on multiple meds to try and calm me down.
I don't care about others emotions and normally only care about people based on their intellectual worth.
I learnt how to control the people who controlled me, I am good at making almost any situation work in my favour as I can play people.
I will hurt people before risking getting hurt, even in relationships. (Didn't stop me have a girlfriend for 8 years[even if I was the one breaking up so much])
I'm a person now who accepts most people, if they are gay or coloured or not. I went through so much I can't even give details here. But now as long as a person wants to be accepted for being them it's fine.
The moment someone plans to get rid of someones human rights I will hate the person enforcing that.
Sure, I'll make a shoddy lil plaqueard and march along you for your rights. But the moment you try to make others believe in what you do.
Well, we have a problem.
But yeah I'm screwed mentally and physically because of parental abuse.
So not very fun...
Made the post anon because I'm gonna tell people how it feels.
(Details were correct at the time of all of this)
Background - living with grandparents because of court order.
Extra info - I have autism and ADHD
Right well I'm not going into much detail even though I can remember even after 8 years every small detail.
These are things I delt and are still dealing with.
Parental abuse 'side/after effects'
Physical -
Cuts, bruises, sprains.
Mental -
Anxiety, depression, stress related epilepsy.
To list a few.
I have had 'recorded depression' since I was 6 as my school found me self harming even then.
This self harm consisted of running my nails down my face till I bled.
It continued until I was 12-13, the whole depression and self harm. I ended up stopping self harm at 17.
When I was 8 onwards I had attempted to kill myself multiple times, even to the point of writing a will and poisoning myself or jumping into the road. I even remember coming close to drowning.
These attempts stopped after I tried to kill myself using poison for the first time, I didn't pay attention to how long it would take and ended up lying on the floor for hours before being dealt with and taken into hospital.
That was when I was about 14.
The more mental side of the abuse came when I was beaten into submission, I can clearly remember cowering in my room with the lights off trying to hide while they stood there in the doorway, one restraining the other.
I'm afraid of nothing now but the phycological scar remains that if I'm in a dark room the only way to feel safe is to cover my ass with my hands or sit down or be against a wall so I don't get beaten.
Coming out of all of it after living there almost all my life.
I fear no one and stand up to authority.
My response to being hit was to get physically stronger.
My response to verbal abuse was to sharpen my mind.
To lose myself within the internet as a coping stategy means I developed split personalities.
I am bipolar and highly strung enough I've been on multiple meds to try and calm me down.
I don't care about others emotions and normally only care about people based on their intellectual worth.
I learnt how to control the people who controlled me, I am good at making almost any situation work in my favour as I can play people.
I will hurt people before risking getting hurt, even in relationships. (Didn't stop me have a girlfriend for 8 years[even if I was the one breaking up so much])
I'm a person now who accepts most people, if they are gay or coloured or not. I went through so much I can't even give details here. But now as long as a person wants to be accepted for being them it's fine.
The moment someone plans to get rid of someones human rights I will hate the person enforcing that.
Sure, I'll make a shoddy lil plaqueard and march along you for your rights. But the moment you try to make others believe in what you do.
Well, we have a problem.
But yeah I'm screwed mentally and physically because of parental abuse.
So not very fun...
I've never been sure whether what I experienced even 'qualifies' as abuse but it's effects are equivalent.
My dad had psychosis and when he wasn't having that he had a personality disorder and it was such a stressful environment to live in. He was emotionally cold and would fly off the handle on a regular basis. Over time it took it's toll I missed a lot of school and didn't do very well.
I would spend a lot of time with him and we would engage in very grown up discussions for hours until I was so drained. I spent more time doing that with him than spending time with people my age or focusing on bettering my life.
Sometimes we would have physical exchanges nothing drastic and there was never any bruises to show, the damage was more psychological.
In relationships I am very intense and tend to just wait to be rejected and when I see this in other people I head straight for a very deep depression. I hold relationships with others in too high an esteem as I had so many failed friendships as a child and Young person due to taking my dad on. Now I'm very sensitive.
I let men take liberties with my emotions and essentially use me as they please.
My dad had psychosis and when he wasn't having that he had a personality disorder and it was such a stressful environment to live in. He was emotionally cold and would fly off the handle on a regular basis. Over time it took it's toll I missed a lot of school and didn't do very well.
I would spend a lot of time with him and we would engage in very grown up discussions for hours until I was so drained. I spent more time doing that with him than spending time with people my age or focusing on bettering my life.
Sometimes we would have physical exchanges nothing drastic and there was never any bruises to show, the damage was more psychological.
In relationships I am very intense and tend to just wait to be rejected and when I see this in other people I head straight for a very deep depression. I hold relationships with others in too high an esteem as I had so many failed friendships as a child and Young person due to taking my dad on. Now I'm very sensitive.
I let men take liberties with my emotions and essentially use me as they please.
