My Girlfriend of nearly 3 years just cheated on me. should i forgive?

Okay so I've been with my girlfriend for about 2 years and half and shes always been the kindest and most loyal person to me. She slightly suffers from depression and she can be easily influenced at times. Her confidence over the last couple of months has dropped so low that she nearly failed her exams. Just before the summer i had an argument about her talking to this one guy she met at college I told her to quit speaking to him and so she did but she was really upset that i didnt have any tryst for her. She then had one of my former friends of college for some help and she told me last night that he threatened to tell me that she florted with him unless she posts naked pictures of herself. This guy knew all too well we were in a relatiobship. She told me lastnight she was blackmailed into all of this and was scared to tell me. My heart sank and its the first time shes ever done such a thing to me since i met her 2 and a half years ago.

My question is should i forgive her or tell her to start packing and what should i do to the guy?

thanks

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Reply 1

the bear

it sounds as if the young lady was taken advantage of by a nasty person rather than was deliberately trying to deceive you.

Reply 2

tehFrance

The dude blackmailed her into sending nudes because she flirted? She's lying, dump her sorry arse.

Reply 3

LeftArmOrthodox

Forgive and forget but that all depends on how much you care about this girl. If you do like her, you'll understand she does have some problems such as depression [to some extent] and if she's willing to prove herself worthy of you and gain your trust, give her another chance. You said that her heart sank and its the first time she's ever done a thing which means this is a chance for her to learn from it. Talk to her and convince her this is the last line she'll ever cross.

My advice is don't let one guy she talked to get in the way of your two and a half year relationship.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by tehFrance

The dude blackmailed her into sending nudes because she flirted? She's lying, dump her sorry arse.

Well she says she wanted to speak to someone after i shouted at her for flirting with another guy for hours on facebook she says she was tookeb advantage of and has been crying her eyes out for the last 24 hours.

But i see the excuse as bull****

Reply 5

MaseratiJay

I wouldn't!

If this is true why would she send nudes if he threatened to tell you she'd flirted? Surely she would just say to you 'look I have never flirted with this guy but he is blackmailing me.' That's what people do, they talk to and support each other.

If it is true she's a little dim and if it isn't she is a liar.

I'd move on, don't care whether I've been with someone 3 days, weeks, months, years, decades. I'm gone, end of.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by LeftArmOrthodox

But they've been exchanging photos to each other from the summer up until last month. How can i forgive that? Blackmail is all im hearing from her but i dont believe her. Shes now turning to suicide because if her depression and i just dont have a clue what to do

Reply 7

ktsmiffy

If she was blackmailed, I would offer support to your girlfriend, not run a mile. Being pressured to do things or say things that goes against your moral code is not a pleasant nor healthy experience, and as you said she deals with depression, I can imagine this ordeal becoming a problem on her mental health.

As for the guy that you know, I would confront him as calmly as you can manage. Ask him why, to see the photos and any copies he has made (if any), then ask firmly that he deletes them. If he doesn't, go to police. Not only has he blackmailed someone, he has indecent photos of someone on his phone, of which the person was unwilling.

Please don't go in all guns blazing- the guy might threaten to post them or something, and that'll make life for you and your girlfriend difficult. As for your girlfriend, hold her, love her through this. Yes, she did cheat but being blackmailed or pressured to do something can greatly harm her mental health and she needs to be loved, not given up on, right now.

Hope some of this helps. Good luck :smile:

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Reply 8

LeftArmOrthodox

Original post by Anonymous

At the end of the day, it's your decision brother. If you feel she's worth keeping, then talk to her. If not, then let her go and move on [will take a while but that's the real world for you].

Reply 9

anonymouspie227

Why didn't she just show you the messages where he said he'd threaten her?

I'm sorry but I have no sympathy (usually) for cheaters- although I wouldn't say she was cheating cheating if it's just nudes.

I personally don't believe in taking cheaters back, however you've been with her for a long time so maybe you will. but it's your choice

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

The guy who she flirted with is not the same guy as the one she sends nudes to.

She went to a former friend of mine and and basically was telling him on facebook that i dont trust her etc. She keeps screaming that she was taken advantage of and right now she wont stop messaging me.

Reply 11

geoking

Original post by Anonymous

Bail. I've met depressed girls before and a lot of them have a twisted sense of loyalty and have slept with disgusting amounts of guys. (30+)

Reply 12

username944192

Flirting is less bad than sending naked photos, any common sense would indicate this. So if her story was true (unlikely) she would surely have told you about this rather than go a step further and send naked photos. Get rid.

Reply 13

inachigeek21

No way OP!
D o n o t f o r g i v e h e r a t a l l.

Reply 14

Staceluvschocat

A leopard does not change their spots unfortunately, once you have forgiven them that will tell them that you have let them get away with it and they will most do it again knowing that there's more of a chance that you will forgive them again. Find someone else or be single for a while and concentrate on uni and building life long friendships than a unloyal woman. Simple

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Reply 15

fredscarecrow

Id ask to see the photos she sent. Theres a hig difference between 'im doing this because i have to' nudes and 'im sending you sexy nudes because i love it'. The photos for me would help show if its blackmail or not

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Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Original post by infairverona

I forgave her for flirting with this other guy. Then she still think i dont have trust for her. Then she decides to talk to a former friend of mine about our relationship. Then it ended up in nude photos.

All the excuses she giving me is bull****. I love her a lot but i dont want a future like this.

I dont have a clue what to do with the guy as it wont change much

Reply 17

Rakas21

Original post by Anonymous

She is being deceitful. I was about to after reading the OP suggest you were overreacting but the scale of the deception is now clear.

She has committed an act of disloyalty and should be judged unworthy to be your mate, there is only one logical course of action from here. She's a bad investment, write her off.