The Student Room Group

[rant] Whats the deal with girls not answering on dating sites?

Ive been using dating sites for a few months because I dont get the opportunities to get out and meet people outside of work and im fed up of people not answering you on these sites after you spend a good 10-15 minutes thinking of a conversation starter... I mean im not americas next top model but at the same time ive chosen good photos and I think my profile is pretty decent..
Can any girls share some insight into your side of things, what kind of things do you look for on dating sites?

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Reply 1
They usually look for Americas next top model so....or they are busy on tsr? :dontknow:
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
Ive been using dating sites for a few months because I dont get the opportunities to get out and meet people outside of work and im fed up of people not answering you on these sites after you spend a good 10-15 minutes thinking of a conversation starter... I mean im not americas next top model but at the same time ive chosen good photos and I think my profile is pretty decent..
Can any girls share some insight into your side of things, what kind of things do you look for on dating sites?


Guys generally outnumber girls by a huge margin on those sites. You might think "oh, I've sent a message, where's my reply?" but you won't get the fact that they'll have received a couple of hundred messages that day.

It's not about what that message is, it's more about timing. And you'll never be able to know when's the right time.

Basically, don't take those sites seriously, you'll just make matters worse.
You have to understand that any girl who uses something like that is going to get dozens and dozens of messages, mostly from pervs twice her age who are just looking for sex. It's easy to assume that all men are the same.
Reply 4
Original post by Drewski
Guys generally outnumber girls by a huge margin on those sites. You might think "oh, I've sent a message, where's my reply?" but you won't get the fact that they'll have received a couple of hundred messages that day.

It's not about what that message is, it's more about timing. And you'll never be able to know when's the right time.

Basically, don't take those sites seriously, you'll just make matters worse.


Its just so anoying when you see the've visited your profile but not responded :frown:
i've used a couple for a laugh in the past, and i only ever replied to people who could carry a decent conversation - i'd ignore the "hey"s and "what's up?"s and compliments because in my experience they've never led anywhere interesting. i'd recommend a witty/banterous opening.

looks were never a factor for me, but that's probably because i wasn't taking the whole thing seriously; so of course it's always possible these girls just aren't attracted to you
I get loads of responses. Stop writing boring things like 'Hi, you okay?' and they'll respond.
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
Its just so anoying when you see the've visited your profile but not responded :frown:


Tough.

Do you expect everybody who looks at you in the street to talk to you? No, of course not. Why do you expect different online?

And many people went send a "sorry, no" message as they generally just end up getting a torrent of abuse coming back at them.
Reply 8
Original post by Drewski
Tough.

Do you expect everybody who looks at you in the street to talk to you? No, of course not. Why do you expect different online?

And many people went send a "sorry, no" message as they generally just end up getting a torrent of abuse coming back at them.


I guess thats a good point, im just anoyed more than anything! I try to read through their profiles and send them an opener referencing their "about me" or something somewhat interesting! And I dont message hundreds of people with the same message, I only approach people whom I think id get along with and who I find interesting..
There are probably several reasons.

-As some other people have said. Girls are foten vastly outnumbered by guys on dating sites and so she has likely gotten more messages than she can or can be bothered to read in just one day.

-she may have viewed your profile and decided she doesn't think you have much in common.

-She could have viewed your profile and found herself not to be attracted to you. As for this one try not to get annoyed or bitter, people can't really help who they are attracted to.

-She may have viewed your profile and come to the conclusion you don't want the same thing in life or are at different stages in your life.

-she may have found your initial message boring or typical and likely to not lead to good conversation (we can often pick this up)

There are probably loads more reasons, but those are off the top of my head.

Also it's good to note you aren't entitled to any sort of response or messages from anyone either in person or online.
(edited 9 years ago)
The first problem is that these sites (particularly the free ones) are going to have a guys to girls ratio of at least 5 to 1, maybe even more. The higher calibre women (in terms of looks and to a lesser extent personality) are going to have in some cases 20 messages a night. They can just pick and choose. So unless you've got a cracking profile, good pictures (and balance, you want one of you travelling, one of you with friends etc), comedy, and ambition, you won't get replies.

Then in to message quality. Anything along the lines of hi how are you doesn't work, nor will the bland nice guy messages focussing on common interests...they get 20 of them a night. I admit I've dabbled in them, the bland focus on common interests I got 0 out of 20 replies, then when I went for flirty/funny/edgy openers, I was getting about 75% replying, think I got 6 in 8. Be different and flirty and curious.

Other problems is timing. I've had conversations with a woman over a night, you'd think naturally she'd continue it the next night if it was her turn to message but once she dropped of the face of the earth, she probably got another 20 messages the following night. Another problem I had was that I was chatting to a girl over the space of a week, I felt 10-14 days was right before I asked her out, and after about 6 or 7 days I never heard from her again, so I'd be tempted to ask after 3-5 days now.

Be flirty. I've had intelligent interesting women talking about sex by the second message if you play it right. Once you get the hang of it its easy to get replies, just flirt your way into a date.

Women have all the power in dating and relationships in their 20s. They are dominant, they say yes or no, and they are kingpin. As men we have to wait until our 30s to have the power in dating and relationships. But most of all, don't take it personally. Often it's just a numbers game, and its about timing. You can see when people are online. One girl was taking 4/5 days to reply as that was when she logged on. It is a bit of fun, but for many its becoming the best (or even the only) way to meet new people. Best of luck.
(edited 9 years ago)
Because I got thousands of messages and I can't reply to them all.




Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by SophieSmall

-She may have viewed your profile and come to the conclusion you don't want the same thing in life or are at different stages in your life.


Sophie...the girl with the great catchphrases...is bang on here. OP, I was pushing my luck with some of the girls I was able to hook, because I was a full time student and they were working full time in good careers. And for many of them (talking early to mid 20s), they've had their student days and the last thing on earth they want is to date a full time student with no money. So if that's the case you've got to be very very impressive to them, but it isn't impossible if your flirting is good enough. But I imagine students like Sophie Small would be easier to hook, although I bet she gets a lot of messages. :tongue:
I used OKCupid before(what? :hmmm:).

I only ever messaged one girl. She replied and we had a conversation about left 4 dead.

So I have a 100% success rate in getting replies :smug:
(edited 9 years ago)
Online dating is ****, real life is much better as you actually CAN get a reply 100% of the time lol
Original post by Eboracum
Sophie...the girl with the great catchphrases...is bang on here. OP, I was pushing my luck with some of the girls I was able to hook, because I was a full time student and they were working full time in good careers. And for many of them (talking early to mid 20s), they've had their student days and the last thing on earth they want is to date a full time student with no money. So if that's the case you've got to be very very impressive to them, but it isn't impossible if your flirting is good enough. But I imagine students like Sophie Small would be easier to hook, although I bet she gets a lot of messages. :tongue:


In my exact case its the opposite, the girl i messaged is the student and im the one with a propper job
Original post by Eboracum
Sophie...the girl with the great catchphrases...is bang on here. OP, I was pushing my luck with some of the girls I was able to hook, because I was a full time student and they were working full time in good careers. And for many of them (talking early to mid 20s), they've had their student days and the last thing on earth they want is to date a full time student with no money. So if that's the case you've got to be very very impressive to them, but it isn't impossible if your flirting is good enough. But I imagine students like Sophie Small would be easier to hook, although I bet she gets a lot of messages. :tongue:


Oh you big sweetie you :tongue:
Original post by Anonymous
In my exact case its the opposite, the girl i messaged is the student and im the one with a propper job


The logic still applies, she might not want to date someone in a full time job right now, she might prefer a student with no commitments to anything other than university.
Original post by Anonymous
In my exact case its the opposite, the girl i messaged is the student and im the one with a propper job
How much younger than you?
Original post by namename
How much younger than you?


quite a bit.

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