Pregnancy, I don't know if I'm doing the right thing

Have you spoken to your GP about this? I'm sure there's some counselling they offer to women in your situation?

I found out I was pregnant a couple of days ago. My initial reaction was I don't want to have the baby. My boyfriend doesn't want a baby right now either. We have only been together for three months. I want to have more time with him alone before we have children. I want to finish my uni course without taking a break and get my career sorted. I know I won't be able to handle uni and trying to get someone to train me for my career whilst having a baby. My boyfriend works all day, six days a week. We would probably break up which would make parenting a lot harder. It's just not appropriate whatsoever.

I have my abortion booked in just over a week. I can't work out what it is. If it's that I'm scared of the actual procedure, or if it's I don't actually want to go through with it and have the baby instead. I know I can't be a good mother right now for so many reasons. I just can't stop thinking of the life growing inside of me. I feel kind of guilty. What if something happens and I won't be able to have children in the future?

Anyone been through this before? I think a lot of it is down to the hormones because I'm feeling so emotional. Having the abortion is the most sensible, mature, and kindest thing to do in our circumstances. I know that having the abortion is my firm decision. But I still feel so bad, and I don't exactly know why.

You would have to take a break from Uni and put your entire life on hold for 9 months, although probably more. As you've said you've only been together 3 months and may break up, which would be awful for the child.

It's your choice, and obviously you can change your mind, but it seems like you've thought it through and decided that it is best to have the procedure.

Talk out loud to someone - just get them to listen and bounce ideas off of them, and then you can form your opinion. I've personally found if I talk out loud to someone, arguing the pros and cons of something I can get a clear path, point of view and plan of action in place.

Just an idea

I found out I was pregnant a couple of days ago. My initial reaction was I don't want to have the baby. My boyfriend doesn't want a baby right now either. We have only been together for three months. I want to have more time with him alone before we have children. I want to finish my uni course without taking a break and get my career sorted. I know I won't be able to handle uni and trying to get someone to train me for my career whilst having a baby. My boyfriend works all day, six days a week. We would probably break up which would make parenting a lot harder. It's just not appropriate whatsoever.

I have my abortion booked in just over a week. I can't work out what it is. If it's that I'm scared of the actual procedure, or if it's I don't actually want to go through with it and have the baby instead. I know I can't be a good mother right now for so many reasons. I just can't stop thinking of the life growing inside of me. I feel kind of guilty. What if something happens and I won't be able to have children in the future?

Anyone been through this before? I think a lot of it is down to the hormones because I'm feeling so emotional. Having the abortion is the most sensible, mature, and kindest thing to do in our circumstances. I know that having the abortion is my firm decision. But I still feel so bad, and I don't exactly know why.

In my opinion, you're doing the right thing OP.
You've got university to deal with, and adding a child to that will just increase stress.
But you're, by all means, entitled to freewill.
Best of luck..

It's natural to be afraid but you seem to know the answer already. You know that you won't be able to fulfil your own potential or have a child fulfil it's potential if you have a baby at this time in your life. The abortion clinic and your GP can provide counselling pre and post abortion. Also, the chances of something going wrong and you not being able to have kids later on are extreeeemly slim. I hope everything works out


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It's understandable that you feel confused about it, it's a very big decision to make and not one that should be taken lightly, however I agree with you that it's the best thing to do in this situation.
Your life will be very different and more difficult with a child, some would say it will be worth it but that's your decision to make!

Good luck with whichever route you decide to take xxx

Thank a lot. That's what I needed to hear. I think I just need some reassurance of what I'm doing is for the best, because like I said, the baby wouldn't get the best start in life at all.

My boyfriend isn't putting me under any pressure whatsoever. He said he is fully supportive in whatever I want to do, he just doesn't think it's realistic for so many reasons.

I went through this eight months ago and it is honestly the most difficult thing that ever happened to me. Eight months on and I still think about it every day and what could have been. But, for me, it was absolutely the right decision. My boyfriend and I are just not ready for children and it doesn't sound like you are either. One day you will be and you will give your child the best life you possibly can but if you're not in a position to do that now, then you should not continue with this pregnancy. I sympathise, I really do. I didn't want a child but I didn't want to go through the procedure either. I tortured myself for weeks and let myself believe what I was doing was wrong and cruel and that I was a terrible person but when it was all over, I felt nothing but relief and I knew I had made the right decision for me. And you have to make the right decision for you. Maybe your decision won't be the same as mine, maybe it will. But do not let your boyfriend make this decision for you and don't make this decision for him to keep him happy. You have to think about yourself now, and whether you are ready to bring a child into the world.

As I say, I still think about what happened very day. If I had continued with the pregnancy, I would have a new born baby right about now. But I also wouldn't be able to have gone back to university (I returned this September gone after a 3 year break) and I probably never would have. I don't regret my decision, but then I always knew deep down I wasn't ready. What is that voice deep down telling you to do? Listen to it. Best of luck. And if you need to talk to someone who's been there, feel free.

I can't tell you what to do but I can tell you that in my opinion I think you'll be doing the right thing by termination.

I was in your situation once, though a few years younger than yourself and under different circumstances but I can honestly say despite the occasional feelings of doubt or guilt I know I did the right thing. You have to consider not only the impact on yourself and your partner if you did go ahead with the pregnancy but also the kind of life you'd be able to provide the child if you did continue.

I'm sorry you're in this horrid situation, I wish you all the best

This is good to hear.

It's unfair, imo, on the child to bring them into the world if you're not ready (you seem to be saying you're not ready) or able to care for them properly.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I'm really not ready to have a baby as I still feel like a child myself. I'm not sure if I could handle it and I can't imagine myself being someones mother. The friends I have told have said the same thing too. I don't have a clue what to do with babies.

If you don't mind saying, what kind of abortion did you have? I'm having an early medical and have read some horror stories online, which I think are hugely responsible for making me feel this way in the first place. My pain threshold isn't good when it comes to things like muscular pain and I'm not great with blood either. I'm terrified.

I had a surgical abortion. I chose this because I had done a lot of research and read a lot of things online about the pain and bleeding involved with a medical abortion, and also, I wanted to be asleep when it was going on. However, I was in a lot of pain for a couple of weeks afterwards and developed an infection from the surgery. If I had to choose again I would go for medical.

Remember a lot of stories online will be the absolute worst cases. People are less likely to online and share their 'good' experiences. From what I understand, if you're quite early on, it wouldn't be much worse than a bad period. At least that's the advice I was given.