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My friends hate my boyfriend

I've been dating this guy for nearly 2 months now, we were close friends for sometime beforehand and Its going well, but 3 of my closest friends don't approve. Whenever I mention him they change the subject or give a disapproving look. At first I thought they were being protective. They say that the have their reasons, mostly that they think we're going to fast.

I confessed that we had said the "L" word. Which they said it was way too soon and I couldn't possibly know.
They also said that it happened soon after I had broken up with an ex. I explained that with my ex we saw each other 2 times in 2 months and then it ended. We also didn't speak for 3 weeks. So it wasn't really a great love affair!

They continued to say that I was really young and naive and the whole thing was so odd. This really hurt as I have tried not to judge their past relationships. It also didn't help when the said that the flowers and chocolates he got me were just to buy me off, and that he probably had some secret agenda of hurting me.

I just don't understand how they can keep being so negative and won't accept the situation. I don't want to fall out with them about it, but it is very frustrating. I just want them to be happy for me and tell them all of the nice things, and then to listen to me like I do about their boyfriends. Instead I'm having to holdback and smile through their criticsm. I feel like this just creates distance as I no longer want to talk to them about it, and it makes meetings awkward. All of my other friends like him and so do my parents, so it just leads me to wonder why can't they?
(edited 9 years ago)
One word: Jealousy
Why are you asking us, and not them?


Jesus.
Avoid you 3 close friends, they aren't really your true friends, true friends would support you even if you made the wrong decision :L and just spend more time with your boyfriend and don't let anyone come in between you two. When you're in a relationship you always find out who you're real friends are :smile:


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Original post by CaliGirl67
I've been dating this guy for nearly 2 months now, we were close friends for sometime beforehand and Its going well, but 3 of my closest friends don't approve. Whenever I mention him they change the subject or give a disapproving look. At first I thought they were being protective. They say that the have their reasons, mostly that they think we're going to fast.

I confessed that we had said the "L" word. Which they said it was way too soon and I couldn't possibly know.
They also said that it happened soon after I had broken up with an ex. I explained that with my ex we saw each other 2 times in 2 months and then it ended. We also didn't speak for 3 weeks. So it wasn't really a great love affair!

They continued to say that I was really young and naive and the whole thing was so odd. This really hurt as I have tried not to judge their past relationships. It also didn't help when the said that the flowers and chocolates he got me were just to buy me off, and that he probably had some secret agenda of hurting me.

I just don't understand how they can keep being so negative and won't accept the situation. I don't want to fall out with them about it, but it is very frustrating. I just want them to be happy for me and tell them all of the nice things, and then to listen to me like I do about their boyfriends. Instead I'm having to holdback and smile through their criticsm. I feel like this just creates distance as I no longer want to talk to them about it, and it makes meetings awkward. All of my other friends like him and so do my parents, so it just leads me to wonder why can't they?


I've been there, done that. There's a small chance they'll warm to him over time, but could there be another reason they don't like him?
Like have you started spending less time with them since getting with him? It's important not to forget your friends when you get in a new relationship.
He's boned at least one of them, probably two for this level of hostility and maybe even all three. Fair play to the lad.
Who cares what your friends think about him :redface:
Jealousy caused by history. Does he have any with your friends?

Maybe he keeps trying to chat them up but they don't have the heart to tell you.
Original post by abbiemac
I've been there, done that. There's a small chance they'll warm to him over time, but could there be another reason they don't like him?
Like have you started spending less time with them since getting with him? It's important not to forget your friends when you get in a new relationship.


No, they live 1 hour away so I only see them in holidays, and we mostly keep in contact by text. Whereas he lives in my village, im just stumpted really!
Original post by WeedCanKill
Jealousy caused by history. Does he have any with your friends?

Maybe he keeps trying to chat them up but they don't have the heart to tell you.


Hmm he's never met them before as they usually live 1 hour away. Perhaps, But all the time that they've met him ive been there. So it would've had to have been otherwise, which doesn't make sense as they hadn't met before.
Hmmm

Best thing would be to ask them why?
Tell them it's upsetting you and your family and other friends approve so why can't they?
Original post by CaliGirl67
Hmm he's never met them before as they usually live 1 hour away. Perhaps, But all the time that they've met him ive been there. So it would've had to have been otherwise, which doesn't make sense as they hadn't met before.


Facebook messaging is a popular flirting channel
Original post by WeedCanKill
Facebook messaging is a popular flirting channel


2 of them don't have Facebook
Original post by Juday
Hmmm

Best thing would be to ask them why?
Tell them it's upsetting you and your family and other friends approve so why can't they?


I did say that it wasn't great. They just say that it was because it sound suspicious and too fast. Despite me telling them that it doesn't feel rushed for me.
Original post by CaliGirl67
I did say that it wasn't great. They just say that it was because it sound suspicious and too fast. Despite me telling them that it doesn't feel rushed for me.



Well it's your relationship, I understand if they want what's best for you but maybe try explain to them you feel like it's not rushed and that your boyfriend before wasn't really anything because you barely saw eachother and spoke. That's why they may say it's rushed if they're comparing it to the previous experience.

But as long as you're happy nothing else matters :smile:
Original post by Juday
Well it's your relationship, I understand if they want what's best for you but maybe try explain to them you feel like it's not rushed and that your boyfriend before wasn't really anything because you barely saw eachother and spoke. That's why they may say it's rushed if they're comparing it to the previous experience.

But as long as you're happy nothing else matters :smile:


I took your advice and told them exactly the stats of the previous relationship, how we barely talked and things never got very emotional. They said however that, this was different as they said that it felt right before and that they liked my ex but this thing I have now, doesnt feel right. Many thanks though for understanding :smile:
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by CaliGirl67
I took your advice and told them exactly the stats of the previous relationship, how we barely talked and things never got very emotional. They said however that, this was different as they said that it felt right before and that they liked my ex but this thing I have now, doesnt feel right.


Hmmm maybe they just feel biased because they feel you rushed into a new relationship. But maybe they like yh first one more because he was more of a mystery.

I suppose that's there opinion but as long as you feel it's going smoothly then who cares? But I understand you want your friends to accept it.

Have you tried explaining to them you feel awkward talking about him to them? And you just want them to give him a chance.

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