University friend opened up to me about embarrassing secret.

Call the police

of all the words to describe it, you'd call being sexually abused embarrassing?

Of all the words to describe it, you'd call being sexually abused embarrassing?

Well I have never been sexually abused so yes I imagine it would be rather embarrassing. She dropped it on me a bit suddenly and I wanted to vacate the conversation as it started to take a sinister turn. It sounds mean but I want to leave her for a bit and then when she becomes a bit happier talk to her again. That is not to be nasty it is simply because I do not know how to talk to abused people

You don't have to say anything. If you're feeling awkward just say basic things like "I'm sorry, are you okay now?" or something like that. I was molested when I was a kid and I know it's not something most people know how to react to so I wouldn't expect anyone to react in a specific way. I personally feel numb toward mine, but every victim of that kind f abuse reacts differently so before you react, find out how she reacts herself.

With me, I can laugh about mine because it's the only way I know how to cope with it. I haven't told anyone I personally know about it mostly because I feel so awkward talking about it and don't want them to feel awkward. She must be at a point now where she's kind of "accepted" (for lack of a better word) it so she's "comfortable" (again, for lack of a better word! ) talking about it. You could even say "I don't know what to say, I'm just so sorry you had to deal with that". It's understandable that you don't know how to react.

Whatever you do, do not leave her on her own!!!!!! She'll think she freaked you out and she'll close up and not feel comfortable opening up about it ever again. This kind of reaction would undo years of learning to accept what happened to her. If you really have to then tell her "I don't know what to say, I can't imagine what that was like. You wanna talk about it?"

Be aware that "leaving her on her own" could come across as avoiding her. She might feel it was a bad idea to come out to you about this when in fact it was incredibly brave. The way to speak to abused people is to speak to them as you always have. There is no need for this to be an elephant in the room.

Why she revealed this to me I do not know, however I will do my best, I am interested in the psychological effects of abuse intellectually but I am not the best in regards to difficult situations. In regards to terminology should I call her an abuse 'victim' or an abuse 'survivor' or such or does it not matter? I do not want to set her off or something, or open up some suppressed memories that could explode or such.

I do feel rather guilty as I have made a few Jimmy Savile jokes in the past (not to her thank god!). I will do what you say. I am not the best at delicate situations just because I get tongue tied so maybe I should write something down on a piece of paper or will that seem to much like talking at her rather than talking to her.

I do feel rather guilty as I have made a few Jimmy Savile jokes in the past (not to her thank god!). I will do what you say. I am not the best at delicate situations just because I get tongue tied so maybe I should write something down on a piece of paper or will that seem to much like talking at her rather than talking to her.

Of all the words to describe it, you'd call being sexually abused embarrassing?

Don't call her anything other than her name.

I think you misunderstand. I was not suggesting I would go into a room point at her and say 'hey rape victim have a merry christmas' or something like that but there will come times in conversation when different nouns are used.

I'm struggling to think of a sentence you would have to say in which you would need to use a word like victim. Maybe my mind has just gone blank but if you can give me an example that would be great.

I make paedophilia jokes all the time! Some of them are even about myself when I'm laughing/joking with myself. I have an incredibly dark sense of humour.

If it makes it less awkward for you text her saying something along the lines of "I've been thinking about what you told me and I honestly don't know how to react because no one I personally know has told me about something as big as this. How would you like me to be there for you?" And that should let her know that she's more prepared than you are to deal with her situation.

The victim was used ironically. However, for a hypothetical situation. I could ask her 'do you think being a victim of sexual abuse has altered the world more for you than anything else in your life'?