How does it feel to be extremely attractive?
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Original post by Musie Suzie
I appreciate you may be biased as her friend, but what's her personality like?
Oh whoops I just realised your comment wasn't even aimed at me lol, just me and the other poster both have friends that are attractive and in similar situations so I got confused and thought you meant what my friend was like. :P
Depending on the gender, I guess it can vary a lot. As I'm not a very attractive male, I can't really comment on how it might feel to be extremely attractive. I guess it could feel flattering for some people as they may get compliments on how nice they look, or even have a better chance of attracting potential partners.
I guess if you're a very attractive girl, being attractive might have some desirable attributes, for example, having a lot of freedom to choose sexual partners, psychological gain (as males tend to subconsciously react psychologically better towards girls with a higher level of attractiveness) and being the target of compliments from a lot of people. On the other hand, I guess it can also be a massive pain in the arse, because attractive females may be more on the receiving end of cat-calling, unwarranted flirting from guys or even sexual assault (in extreme cases). Also, if there is an attractive girl, then depending on the characteristics of her friends, they may try to ostracise or victimise her as a result of being very attractive out of jealousy. My ex-girlfriend told me about these things (bar the sexual assault), which is how I would have gotten an idea.
Quite frankly I think it's pathetic. Another phenomenon which happens is that people of high levels of attractiveness tend to gravitate towards each other in terms of friendship groups, be it guys who are very muscular and work out a lot at the gym, or girls who love putting on make-up and all want to become models (as an example) whilst socially excluding those who aren't above a threshold level of attractiveness (but this depends on how shallow the individuals are).
Why can't people of all levels of attractiveness just be treated the same way?
I guess if you're a very attractive girl, being attractive might have some desirable attributes, for example, having a lot of freedom to choose sexual partners, psychological gain (as males tend to subconsciously react psychologically better towards girls with a higher level of attractiveness) and being the target of compliments from a lot of people. On the other hand, I guess it can also be a massive pain in the arse, because attractive females may be more on the receiving end of cat-calling, unwarranted flirting from guys or even sexual assault (in extreme cases). Also, if there is an attractive girl, then depending on the characteristics of her friends, they may try to ostracise or victimise her as a result of being very attractive out of jealousy. My ex-girlfriend told me about these things (bar the sexual assault), which is how I would have gotten an idea.
Quite frankly I think it's pathetic. Another phenomenon which happens is that people of high levels of attractiveness tend to gravitate towards each other in terms of friendship groups, be it guys who are very muscular and work out a lot at the gym, or girls who love putting on make-up and all want to become models (as an example) whilst socially excluding those who aren't above a threshold level of attractiveness (but this depends on how shallow the individuals are).
Why can't people of all levels of attractiveness just be treated the same way?
Original post by Anonymous
Oh whoops I just realised your comment wasn't even aimed at me lol, just me and the other poster both have friends that are attractive and in similar situations so I got confused and thought you meant what my friend was like. :P
Haha, that's fine.
Yeah, what you've said about makes sense - can definitely understand her feeling disillusioned! How old is she/the guys she attracts? I'd hope that as she gets older and meets maturer guys she will find those who will value her on a deeper level.Original post by Musie Suzie
Haha, that's fine. Yeah, what you've said about makes sense - can definitely understand her feeling disillusioned! How old is she/the guys she attracts? I'd hope that as she gets older and meets maturer guys she will find those who will value her on a deeper level.
Yeah, what you've said about makes sense - can definitely understand her feeling disillusioned! How old is she/the guys she attracts? I'd hope that as she gets older and meets maturer guys she will find those who will value her on a deeper level.She is 19, she attracts guys in our age range sometimes, I think there was one 26 year old and a few 30+. I hope so too!
I wouldn't know I've only passed the attractive mark and that's lovely.
Does it count if they say your hat is beautiful?
I have some beautiful friends where I look like a potato compared to them.
I am happy for them since they got intelligence, looks and a great personality. I guess it just makes you feel better fitted to society I guess. But then again you have to deal with the jealous people etc.
I am happy for them since they got intelligence, looks and a great personality. I guess it just makes you feel better fitted to society I guess. But then again you have to deal with the jealous people etc.
Pros
- You receive a lot of opportunities; I found out that my current boss was swayed to promote me because he found me attractive; guy friends take me to a lot of important dinners & events, just to show me off.
- Feeling secure in your looks; the dating game is much easier, because you know that you won't be rejected by the majority of men. You can take the power & approach men, without fear of rejection.
- People are nicer and more accommodating.
CONS
- Paranoia; not knowing whether a man wants to be with you based purely on a physical level or an emotional level. Also not knowing whether people want to be your friend based on the fact that you're popular because of your attractiveness.
- Receiving opportunities based on your looks alone; can make you feel very used and belittled.
- The attention; it can become incredibly tiring, & also creates a lot of drama.
- Being a constant rejecter; I had to hurt a lot of people's feelings because I didn't reciprocate their affection.
- The flourish of the ego; I found myself placing emphasis on my appearance rather than my school work & family/friends.
- Being seen as beautiful, & not as an intelligent, thoughtful, caring human being.
- It makes you incredibly pessimistic & distrustful about love & relationships; men who have girlfriends, wives & children approach me. Some have even tried to start a relationship with me. As a result, I refuse to become emotionally attached to anyone because I'm scared that they'll hurt me.
- The pressure to stay attractive; I'm always at the gym, always dress up & put on some make-up even when I'm going to a 9am lecture. It's exhausting.
The knowledge that my looks will fade actually relieves me; I cannot wait to be praised on my intelligence & emotional nature rather than my attractiveness. I am scared that I'm relying too much on my appearance, however, & am unsure as to how I will cope when I do not hold that particular power over people any more.
- You receive a lot of opportunities; I found out that my current boss was swayed to promote me because he found me attractive; guy friends take me to a lot of important dinners & events, just to show me off.
- Feeling secure in your looks; the dating game is much easier, because you know that you won't be rejected by the majority of men. You can take the power & approach men, without fear of rejection.
- People are nicer and more accommodating.
CONS
- Paranoia; not knowing whether a man wants to be with you based purely on a physical level or an emotional level. Also not knowing whether people want to be your friend based on the fact that you're popular because of your attractiveness.
- Receiving opportunities based on your looks alone; can make you feel very used and belittled.
- The attention; it can become incredibly tiring, & also creates a lot of drama.
- Being a constant rejecter; I had to hurt a lot of people's feelings because I didn't reciprocate their affection.
- The flourish of the ego; I found myself placing emphasis on my appearance rather than my school work & family/friends.
- Being seen as beautiful, & not as an intelligent, thoughtful, caring human being.
- It makes you incredibly pessimistic & distrustful about love & relationships; men who have girlfriends, wives & children approach me. Some have even tried to start a relationship with me. As a result, I refuse to become emotionally attached to anyone because I'm scared that they'll hurt me.
- The pressure to stay attractive; I'm always at the gym, always dress up & put on some make-up even when I'm going to a 9am lecture. It's exhausting.
The knowledge that my looks will fade actually relieves me; I cannot wait to be praised on my intelligence & emotional nature rather than my attractiveness. I am scared that I'm relying too much on my appearance, however, & am unsure as to how I will cope when I do not hold that particular power over people any more.
The best looking girls are generally the most insecure in my experience. It doesn't make you happier. One of my friends is ridiculously beautiful but is in a horrible abusive relationship, I also know of a girl who is stunning and still a virgin at 23 because she has never had a boyfriend.
Maybe that just comes across as bitter haha. Obviously there are happy beautiful people too.
Maybe that just comes across as bitter haha. Obviously there are happy beautiful people too.
Original post by LavenderBlueSky88
The best looking girls are generally the most insecure in my experience. It doesn't make you happier. One of my friends is ridiculously beautiful but is in a horrible abusive relationship, I also know of a girl who is stunning and still a virgin at 23 because she has never had a boyfriend.
Maybe that just comes across as bitter haha. Obviously there are happy beautiful people too.
Maybe that just comes across as bitter haha. Obviously there are happy beautiful people too.
why does the second girl not have a boyfriend? x
Original post by Trottoir
why does the second girl not have a boyfriend? x
I don't know, I suppose she hasn't met the right guy? I think she got messed around by someone before so it knocked her confidence.
It's a living Hell.
Original post by LavenderBlueSky88
The best looking girls are generally the most insecure in my experience. It doesn't make you happier. One of my friends is ridiculously beautiful but is in a horrible abusive relationship, I also know of a girl who is stunning and still a virgin at 23 because she has never had a boyfriend.
Maybe that just comes across as bitter haha. Obviously there are happy beautiful people too.
Maybe that just comes across as bitter haha. Obviously there are happy beautiful people too.
I completely agree with you. The best friend this post was about has always been very insecure because in high school she was bullied over skin colour, weight, chest size. It made her feel horrible but all the features she was bullied over, are all working to her advantage right now so maybe the bullying really was all about jealousy. Like another poster said, guys who are in relationships try to start relationships with my attractive friend too, she lacks trust in guys and runs away from any opportunity to start a relationship in case they only like her for her physical features or they're already in a relationship and just want her on the side. She's never even had a boyfriend (& is a virgin) because I don't think she wants to let anybody get close to her.
Feels good, man
The only pro from being attractive is the obvious one, you can get practically anything you want at least once (more times if you're careful), so that afterwards people will forever blame you for using your appearance to your advantage, which is what they'd have done anyway, to justify themselves. However, even this isn't a pro if you don't want anything specific madly enough.
On any given day people will mindlessly suck up to you if you've made any effort whatsoever with your appearance, whereas if you clearly haven't they'll treat you like air and/or hate your guts for not fulfilling your perceived day job as an all-around beautiful creature. IMO that often results in thick skin, heightened cynicism and a general matter-of-fact attitude to life.
That kind of life is extraordinarily intense and odd, reflecting how attractive people are perceived by society at large. People hate you and plot against you and get infatuated with you and just generally get very emotional about you for all the wrong reasons.
That's when you're still taking it all too seriously. As soon as you get a healthy mental distance from the frenzy and someone to share your experience with, as soon as you stop expecting anything at all, ever, it's most definitely worth living. Promise. x
On any given day people will mindlessly suck up to you if you've made any effort whatsoever with your appearance, whereas if you clearly haven't they'll treat you like air and/or hate your guts for not fulfilling your perceived day job as an all-around beautiful creature. IMO that often results in thick skin, heightened cynicism and a general matter-of-fact attitude to life.
That kind of life is extraordinarily intense and odd, reflecting how attractive people are perceived by society at large. People hate you and plot against you and get infatuated with you and just generally get very emotional about you for all the wrong reasons.
Original post by Vikki1805
It's a living Hell.
That's when you're still taking it all too seriously. As soon as you get a healthy mental distance from the frenzy and someone to share your experience with, as soon as you stop expecting anything at all, ever, it's most definitely worth living. Promise. x
Just to give a guy's perspective, since it seems to have only been girls so far.
-People seem a lot nicer and more accommodating (as already mentioned)
-You make friends quite easily, with guys and girls. Like if you approach a girl, chances are she'll be happy to talk to you. Whereas I know some less attractive guys, if they try to strike up a meaningful conversation with a girl, the girl will just kinda give them the brush off and only be comfortable talking to him in a group
-It tends to mean if you want a girlfriend, you'll probably get one. Whereas I know some guys who are average or worse seem to really struggle to find a girlfriend
-However, it doesn't mean you could get any girl. Attractive girls tend to be very selective. So where an 8/10 guy would probably be willing to give any 8/10 girl a shot as long as there were no obvious red flags, an 8/10 girl will tend to not only want looks in a guy, she'll also need them to meet a set of criteria in terms of personality, interests, hairstyle and dress sense or whatever. You get the idea. So you can still get an attractive girlfriend, however just not any one you set your eyes on
-You don't get dumped very often, if at all
-People seem a lot nicer and more accommodating (as already mentioned)
-You make friends quite easily, with guys and girls. Like if you approach a girl, chances are she'll be happy to talk to you. Whereas I know some less attractive guys, if they try to strike up a meaningful conversation with a girl, the girl will just kinda give them the brush off and only be comfortable talking to him in a group
-It tends to mean if you want a girlfriend, you'll probably get one. Whereas I know some guys who are average or worse seem to really struggle to find a girlfriend
-However, it doesn't mean you could get any girl. Attractive girls tend to be very selective. So where an 8/10 guy would probably be willing to give any 8/10 girl a shot as long as there were no obvious red flags, an 8/10 girl will tend to not only want looks in a guy, she'll also need them to meet a set of criteria in terms of personality, interests, hairstyle and dress sense or whatever. You get the idea. So you can still get an attractive girlfriend, however just not any one you set your eyes on
-You don't get dumped very often, if at all
Original post by Anonymous
I completely agree with you. The best friend this post was about has always been very insecure because in high school she was bullied over skin colour, weight, chest size. It made her feel horrible but all the features she was bullied over, are all working to her advantage right now so maybe the bullying really was all about jealousy. Like another poster said, guys who are in relationships try to start relationships with my attractive friend too, she lacks trust in guys and runs away from any opportunity to start a relationship in case they only like her for her physical features or they're already in a relationship and just want her on the side. She's never even had a boyfriend (& is a virgin) because I don't think she wants to let anybody get close to her.
my friend who i think is stunning is also like that. she got a lot of racist insults in school. my friend is black and was a bit overweight and a lot of the white girls were saying she is ugly for her skin colour and weight. now i think its really knocked down her confidence even still today. did they bully your friend over dark skin colour, overweight and flat chest size by any chance? my friend got those type of insults.
Original post by Anonymous
my friend who i think is stunning is also like that. she got a lot of racist insults in school. my friend is black and was a bit overweight and a lot of the white girls were saying she is ugly for her skin colour and weight. now i think its really knocked down her confidence even still today. did they bully your friend over dark skin colour, overweight and flat chest size by any chance? my friend got those type of insults.
It's really horrible when things like that happen. My friend was bullied over the opposite features as in she was very fair skinned, the palest girl in the class, so the others would taunt her over it and call her nasty names. She wasn't overweight at all but ironically some of the younger kids would shout the word 'fat' to her, I don't know maybe it was to get her attention because seeing as the word 'fat' is one of the worst things you can say to a girl really. Oh and she was teased a bit by some of the girls as she developed quite early and had a bigger chest size than most of the girls so she'd just cover her chest up a lot. Thankfully, I think she knows what she has now isn't bad at all and just accepts herself.
Original post by Anonymous
It's really horrible when things like that happen. My friend was bullied over the opposite features as in she was very fair skinned, the palest girl in the class, so the others would taunt her over it and call her nasty names. She wasn't overweight at all but ironically some of the younger kids would shout the word 'fat' to her, I don't know maybe it was to get her attention because seeing as the word 'fat' is one of the worst things you can say to a girl really. Oh and she was teased a bit by some of the girls as she developed quite early and had a bigger chest size than most of the girls so she'd just cover her chest up a lot. Thankfully, I think she knows what she has now isn't bad at all and just accepts herself.
my anon posts dont show so ill get off. no one i know IRL will find me.
yes its really sad when people have to face that. what race is your friend? black, white or asian? im just surprised because in my school it was the darker skinned people than got insults. I also got insults as im asian and my friend who was black got even more insults and it knocked down her confidence. she's in college now so we dont speak much but I think shes a lot happier.
its also really wrong that guys who are in relationships want one thing from her. I can understand why she would get upset over that.
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