Want my ex back but found out he does drugs?

My bf of 2 years left me in September - needed 'space' I was devastated but then thrilled when he got in touch to say he was missing me and could we start texting again ie small steps . It's been great and we were going to meet up at a friend's party on New Years eve . All good until I heard that since he's beenat uni (3 years )he does drugs when he goes clubbing . He's kept this secret from me which as been easy as we are at uni at opposite ends of country . Feel devastated because it's a betrayal and don't know where to go from here ? He has admitted it by the way and says he will change because he doesn't want to lose me again . Do I believe him or am I better just walking away. Am so hurt

Reply 1

username917703

17

It's only a bit of drugs. As long as he's not an addict can't see anything wrong tbh.

I'd be more annoyed at him hiding it.

Reply 2

kurofune

16

Original post by Anonymous

My bf of 2 years left me in September - needed 'space' I was devastated but then thrilled when he got in touch to say he was missing me and could we start texting again ie small steps . It's been great and we were going to meet up at a friend's party on New Years eve . All good until I heard that since he's beenat uni (3 years )he does drugs when he goes clubbing . He's kept this secret from me which as been easy as we are at uni at opposite ends of country . Feel devastated because it's a betrayal and don't know where to go from here ? He has admitted it by the way and says he will change because he doesn't want to lose me again . Do I believe him or am I better just walking away. Am so hurt

Ditch him. If it's something you don't feel comfortable with, then you shouldn't put up with it.

Reply 3

Asklepios

19

Has he been keeping it secret, or has he just never got round to telling you? I mean if it's not something he sees as a big part of his life (which occasional drug use isn't really), he probably wouldn't tell you.

Whether to pursue him or not, comes down to how much his drug use will affect your relationship. If it is just the occasional bit of eccies in a club - probably not very much. Though you have to consider how comfortable you feel, especially if he pressures you to try.

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Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Asklepios

Has he been keeping it secret, or has he just never got round to telling you? I mean if it's not something he sees as a big part of his life (which occasional drug use isn't really), he probably wouldn't tell you.

Whether to pursue him or not, comes down to how much his drug use will affect your relationship. If it is just the occasional bit of eccies in a club - probably not very much. Though you have to consider how comfortable you feel, especially if he pressures you to try.

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No he would never pressure me ... It's the deceit I'm hurt about because he knows I wouldn't date anyone does drugs . Also the last few months he's chosen clubbing and drugs over seeing me which sucks ...

Reply 5

Asklepios

19

Original post by Anonymous

No he would never pressure me ... It's the deceit I'm hurt about because he knows I wouldn't date anyone does drugs . Also the last few months he's chosen clubbing and drugs over seeing me which sucks ...

View from his perspective. If he knows that you would 100% never date him if he does drugs, then why would he tell you? Either (a) he tells the truth and loses you, (b) tells a lie without you finding out and doesn't lose you or (c) tells a lie and you find out and loses you. So you can see that lying is in his best interest.

Reply 6

DaveSmith99

14

At least 90% of the people in every club in the country will be doing drugs, they even have taps pumping them out into glasses that you can buy with money there.

(edited 9 years ago)

Dave has a point.

Original post by DaveSmith99

At least 90% of the people in every club in the country will be doing drugs, they even have taps pumping them out into glasses that you can buy with money there.

You can also buy recreational drugs in UK coffee shops too

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Reply 9

Musie Suzie

14

Why is it a betrayal? Is it something you explicitly said you wouldn't tolerate from a partner? Did he promise not to "do drugs?"

Reply 10

joker12345

19

Original post by Anonymous

No he would never pressure me ... It's the deceit I'm hurt about because he knows I wouldn't date anyone does drugs . Also the last few months he's chosen clubbing and drugs over seeing me which sucks ...

You'd broken up. Why would he tell you something that would drive you away further? As soon as you got closer and were thinking of getting back together he told you - he's ckearly an honest sort of guy. I hate lies/deceit too, but it honestly sounds like he didn't want to mess up his chances when they were already bad, but wouldn't mislead you if you were together.
Re the drugs, if he's an addict it's probably best to avoid. If it's just nights out now and then, how's it at all different from drinking?

Reply 11

Dr Pesto

19

Original post by DaveSmith99

At least 90% of the people in every club in the country will be doing drugs, they even have taps pumping them out into glasses that you can buy with money there.

Spot on. Its starting to get quite tedious how so many people on this forum get on their high horse about 'doing drugs'. The fact he kept it from you is the issue that you should be annoyed about.

Want my ex back but found out he does drugs?

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