Ladies, what would you say makes a man damaged goods?

People have different degrees of mental health disorders as I'm sure you know. What I was trying to get at is the generalising of mental health. It seems to me that most people who have not experienced mental health issues/have no medical background seem to think that anyone with mental health issues is prone to psychotic behaviour which is obviously not true. I would understand if someone didn't want to date a schizophrenic/bipolar due to the psychosis involved which would harm the relationship in the long term. However someone with mild-moderate depression is not going to have psychotic symptoms and it is likely that they will not be depressed for several years. Their symptoms will probably be controlled by medication and a lot of the time you can't even tell a person has mild-moderate depression and this would not affect the relationship. It just gets to me how all mental health patients are put into one group and labelled as being crazy by the majority of the general population.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who was capable of murdering someone coldly.
Having a boyfriend like the Godfather isn't my idea of cool.

Northern Accent is a deal breaker

having a penis.

Northern Accent is a deal breaker

1)It's if they've done it more than once. I don't mean just experimenting because I tried it too but if they take it frequently then I'm a bit more wary of it.

2) I think this is my own insecurity really. I would be thinking I might be too **** for them because they've got so much to compare it to.

3) I couldn't go out with someone who has depression. I had it too and I know it would have sucked for the other person if I had been seeing someone. I know it sucked for my friend who knew it. I wouldn't get into a relationship if I had it and I wouldn't expect someone to stick around either. My friend went out with someone who had it and it was so draining to her.

4) Depends why the marriage ended but again, if I liked them deeply I wouldn't care.

So basically you changed your mind and you only really meant 2 out of the 6 things you listed.

I have to say that I agree with this. Sometimes having a loving partner can really help when one is suffering from mental health related illnesses. But then again, each is entitled to their own preference.

For me, I'd say being involved in criminal activity, substance abuse (if there is no sign of them trying to recover), known to be violent/aggressive towards women (including verbal abuse), children from a previous relationship (I wouldn't say it makes a man "damaged goods" as such, but it just not something I'd be 100% happy with), STDs, the guy having an over-inflated sense of importance/ego. Oh, and being a mummy's boy.

I would just like to point out...

Just because somebody has mental health issues, does not make them any less of a person or any less datable. I myself have mental health issues and have only had two partners, one of whom I am currently still with (3 yrs). We're perfect for each-other. Why? Because she also has mental health issues. If anything, I have found people with mental health issues to be more understanding and caring of others than those without. Of course I don't speak for the entire population, but you can see why...

So, just because somebody has issues or is "damaged goods", don't rule them out. You aren't perfect either... remember that.

Just remember, ANYONE can develop a mental illness at some point in their lives. I find it very sad that this, to many people, seems to make someone 'damaged goods' No wonder there is stigma around admitting when they need help/have a mental illness.

I've never really understood the term damaged goods for people - what is an undamaged person like? Not to be cliche but nobodys perfect...

Also agree with the people above who are disappointed by the number of people mentioning mental health issues, since many people suffer from them (male and female) it seems a bit inflexible

Wow what a stigma against mental health. Need to educate yourselves.

For the people arguing that mental health problems are a red flag and should be avoided what is your stance on your partner developing them whilst in a relationship with you? Are they only 'damaged goods' if they were ill previous to your relationship?

The amount of people saying mental illnesses makes someone 'damaged goods' is saddening. Mental illnesses come in all sorts of levels and most peoples wont interfere that much with a relationship aside from needing some extra support now and then, and you should be ready to support anyone whether they have a mental illness or not anyway. Although I can understand if you have a difficult mental illness yourself, you may not want to date someone else with a mental illness until you yourself are better. When I had depression and anxiety I would definitely preferred to date someone more 'stable' because I needed a fair amount of support myself anyway, but now everything's much better I'd happily lend my support to someone else with a mental illness. They're not that big of a deal for your friends and partners to have in most cases!

Agreed

People have different degrees of mental health disorders as I'm sure you know. What I was trying to get at is the generalising of mental health. It seems to me that most people who have not experienced mental health issues/have no medical background seem to think that anyone with mental health issues is prone to psychotic behaviour which is obviously not true. I would understand if someone didn't want to date a schizophrenic/bipolar due to the psychosis involved which would harm the relationship in the long term. However someone with mild-moderate depression is not going to have psychotic symptoms and it is likely that they will not be depressed for several years. Their symptoms will probably be controlled by medication and a lot of the time you can't even tell a person has mild-moderate depression and this would not affect the relationship. It just gets to me how all mental health patients are put into one group and labelled as being crazy by the majority of the general population.

Hmm not really. I just hadn't given as much detail before. I didn't change my mind about any of them.

Any girl who ever uses than quote, can go to the back of the line

*Ahem* Ladies and gentlemen, no? Not to be preachy or anything but this thread is a little heteronormative; I'm gay so view men slightly differently as potential partners...

I really don't think there's such as a thing as 'damaged goods' because in all fairness, humans are complex and everyone has their vices, history, pain and traits which is the result of simply being alive. To write somebody off as 'damaged goods' has the problem of white washing anything positive that they can offer you; by allowing your vision of somebody to be tainted to such an extent means that you can miss both the negative and positive things which make them who they are, and consequently beautiful. Isn't the whole point of love that it's unconditional and can't be helped?

As Marilyn Monroe famously said, 'I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.'