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do other people REALLY care about your sexual experience?

in all honesty, do people really take notice of how much sexual experience you've had (especially if you're a guy). i haven't had much and I feel people would judge me. I don't particularly want to rectify this situation yet because i don't feel like i want a girlfriend yet since i'm not too into comittment. and i'm not a one night stand person....but still, if i was a virgin at 18 (i'm just 17) i expect people would think i'm hopeless at romance and sex?

this isn't a 'oh my life's awful cos i don't get any sex' thread. i want to see it from another persons angle that's all. :smile:

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Reply 1

Guffy

Anonymous

Surely they would be right?

Reply 2

rugdollap

That is a stupid way of thinking. You can be a virgin at the age of 30 and still able to romance, etc. Only desperate people will think non-sluts are hopeless. I personally wouldn't want a girlfriend who has slept with other folks.

Reply 3

hannah_dru

I think people take more notice if you go around and brag about it, because then it's just gossip. A couple of girls in my Drama class told the biggest gossip girl that they'd had first time sex just so it seemed like they were grown up and could fit in.
If you're not in a relationship then usually people don't really bother you about it. Last year, I occasionally got asked "Have you got a boyfriend yet?" but that was it. And then I did this year and they shut up.

Reply 4

username47781

Does it really matter?

Reply 5

Sezkin

Anonymous

Anyway, should it matter what other people think of you? if you're a virgin.. who cares, not everyone have sex! Anyway, I prefer lads having less sexual experiences, it kind of shows that he doesn't go around..etc. But it depends on different people.

My exes had more of a sexual relationship than me like one night stands, ..etc I'm still a virgin but I take a while to trust lads who had sexual experiences like one night stand ....etc because of the bad experiences I've had in the past (being cheated on and stuff).

I can tell when a lad just want sex, it's a girly instinct I guess... and it also turns out I was right since some exes wanted to be friends with 'benefits' after we broke up.Sometimes it does annoy me and make me feel bad for giving so much into the relationship and showing affections. :frown:

Ah well, I guess I have to learn from experience.

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

My bf was well worried when we got together because he had only had 2 sexual partners before me, and he was 23, and he knew my ex who was a total man whore. But compared to my ex he is sooooo much better in bed that I can honestly say experience is nowhere near the be all and end all. So no, I wouldn't (and didn't) care if a guy has not been around that much.

Reply 7

G4ry

Guffy

In which case my comment "What an utterly retarded way of thinking" still stands.

Well, in that case millions of people are going to disagree with you. I think it's nice to be honest that only one other person in the world knows the intricacies of one and that it's something only they share. It makes it more special too, but i guess in the western world we live in a world where part of us became numb and it's all about numbers now.

Reply 8

Guffy

G4ry

It's a nice thought, but to dismiss someone as a potential partner because they have had previous partners is ridiculous.

Reply 9

Neverendingroses

I dont think at your age it matters too much because most people are still err.. "finding their feet" sexually.
If you are still in the exact same predicament in say, 5/6 years you may find the girls you want to date and sleep with are a bit more experienced and thats when sleeping with someone who is a virgin or less sexually experienced then themselves starts to become a talking point. As horrible as its sounds.

I'm 23 and a first year at Uni and have had loads of conversations with some of the 18 yr old girls and lads. What I find is most of the guys have had 1 or 2 sexual partners but still a large number of them have confided in me and said they were virgins. Yet with the girls, they've been quite blatently sleeping around since I got here, and the one girl I met on my first day that told me she was a virgin has lost her virginity already. We've only been here 5 weeks!!

Anyway, don't worry too much. You'll soon get over your commitment issues, and girls at your age are probably less bothered about how good you are in bed - when in a relationship, I think girls are generally quite understanding when it comes to things like that if they liked you enough to date you in the first place.
Im 23 and if I met a guy who was 30 and a virgin and we were in a relationship I wouldnt care because its him I care about, not the sex.

If it were a one night stand however.... different story. Theres no emotion involved and the basis of the thing is sex. so yep, you're gonna judge.

Anyway remember, things always get better with time. If someone is attentive enough to learn about what makes their partner tick then in no time at all you'll be considered great in bed.

ps: numbers don't make you good in bed. Trust me. You could meet someone who has slept with 50 people and meet someone else who has slept with 3. It doesnt neccessarily mean the person who had 50 has had more sex. it just means they have had more people.
Good in bed is someone who pays attention to what makes you moan. thats it! most people are too selfish to realise that anyway

Reply 10

G4ry

Guffy

It's a nice thought, but to dismiss someone as a potential partner because they have had previous partners is ridiculous.

Yes, i'd agree with you on that point. I just dis-agreed with the initial point of he'll be settling for less if he only goes for virgins and he'll be alone all his life.

Reply 11

squigaletta

G4ry

I ahte the arrogance that goes with religeon. Fair enuf if you only want to sleep with one person, I respect that as your choice, but how dare you condemn anyone elses seual preferences. Sleeping with my current man who I adore has been made in no way less special because of my past partners. And there is no part of me that is numb to the specialness that can be generated by sex, just because I am not religeous, and I am not a virgin does not mean that am all about numbers.

Reply 12

Anonymous #3

Anonymous

The legacy of 'experience' (abstracted) betrays a chimera and, though invaluable, only one means by which to accrue what is genuinely pertinent: expertise. Nevertheless, its importance in this regard tends toward being over-stated by that cadre of self-appointed 'élites' in whose vested interest it is to compound the abiding dogma.

The facts are, in fact, these: any perceived 'objective' or otherwise ubiquitous so-called 'tenets' of 'good sex' (such as have been imagined to derive from 'experience') may be effectively deduced academically; conversely, the prevalence or otherwise of subjective factors being largely contingent on her, whether (and the extent to which) you ultimately either succeed or fail will be decided primarily by how proficient you are at 'reading' your partner. In both cases, praxis need not necessitate 'hands-on' practice; and, rest assured: regardless of veterancy, those deemed 'good in bed' will be they who can adapt, improvise, communicate and reciprocate. 'Experience' per se may compound that baseline aptitude (in so far as we all might learn by example), but it is no substitute for ingenuity; and 'experience' with one's given partner will be almost invariably paramount.

Dancing out-of-sync, simply because you happen to have done so for twelve hours straight, will not serve to disguise or assuage your fundamental lack of anything resembling grace, rhythm or creativity. There is no shortage of 'pretty-boy' campus predators who until their dying day will be doomed to remain hopelessly indolent and bludgeoningly inept; conversely, there are plenty of talented, astute, conscientious (not to mention, dextrous) novices who by default are 'better' than the former can ever realistically aspire to being.

In short; the sort of people who would make presumptions from your lack of practical experience are probably too blinded by their own conceit to discern someone who with 'the knack' from someone without. Besides which, the preconception cuts both ways: if anything, I should hold a profusion of short-lived, sordid and fleeting sexual partnerships as being rather more conducive to an 'adverse inference' of sexual prowess than the converse. Were they were any good, they'd know how to keep her coming back for more (and other such gross generalisations).

Reply 13

squigaletta

'you may have slept with many women, but how many women have you slept with twice?'
I would however have to say that I think a small amount of hands on experience is required to be considered good. Otherwise why would we bother beigh taught practicals in chemistry etc. There are some things which you can only get the 'knack' of when you've had a go at them, and learnt from mistakes.

Reply 14

lasttoiletroll

i'm usually curious of peoples sexual experiences but i'd never judge anyone.
you've said you're not really ready for anything so there's no need to worry about being 18 and a virgin - your reason sounds like more of personal choice rather than just having no luck so far. nicer than just going and shagging a random girl, which some people would be bothered about if you told them.

Reply 15

Anonymous #3

Case in point: my girlfriend has 'experience' in droves, but is still 'finding her feet' in regard to what exactly makes me tick; on the other hand, I made her cum twice during what was then my 'first time'.

Of course, she is 'good in bed' notwithstanding: she's 'good in bed' because she asks whether nor not I'm enjoying something, because she shows gratitude where appropriate, because she appreciates variety; and, more importantly, because we're sexually compatible.

Even if there is a correlation between 'experience' and 'aptitude', no-one worthy of your acquaintance (per se, let alone in the bedroom) will draw such premature conclusions. Don't fret about it. :smile:

Reply 16

Anonymous #3

squigaletta

Naturally; there is a rudimentary 'learning curve' to take into account, and even the most generalised experience will only foster improvement. But I encountered no obstacle on my tentative 'first encounter' that couldn't have been resolved with a little prior research. Though you'd (probably not, this being TSR) be surprised as to how few will take even that modicum of initiative.

Reply 17

Anonymous #3

gem_77

Well, quite. If he's not on the market for a one-night-stand, where superficiality is par for the course, then he has nothing whatsoever remotely tangible to fear.

Reply 18

Eustacia

I certainly wouldn't judge an 18 year old virgin. I would probably think that they hadn't met somebody that was right for them to sleep with, and that they would find that person when the time was right for them. I'd certainly regard them more highly than someone who just slept with anyone they could, just in order to get 'experience'. I also think that having had ten one-night-stands, for example, doesn't necessarily make you 'experienced' in what really turns your partner on, or make you a good lover. From what I've seen, these are usually drunken things that don't teach the nuances of sex.

Reply 19

G4ry

squigaletta

woah...is that aimed at me? I'm just presenting another side of the argument. Doesn't mean to say i agree with it or not. No place did i condemn people's sexual preferences if you read what i typed.