Seriously screwed mentally.
It's a bit long sorry but I really need some advice:
Basically, when I was about 12 my grandma gave me 50 Pounds as a birthday present without telling my mom or dad. I used to live in a country where street prostituition is legal...and the day before I got that money I had warched porn for the first time in my life. Somehow I ended up spending that 50 Pound on a street hooker. And ever since then I've been sleeping with hookers extremely frequently....I think in 8 years I must've slept with about 150+ hookers
. It's literally become something like an addiction and it's actually having a serious toll on my mental health. Noone knows about this it's my dirty secret.
I always feel really disgusted myself literally every single day of my life. About the fact that I am exploiting these women, about the fact that I always feel like Im dirty and grimy for DAYS after I've done it (have to shower multiple times a day, wash my hands really rigorously before eating etc.),about the fact that I'm a ****ing liar because I have to lie to everyone constantly about where Im going or where my money has disappeared to! I become really unproductive for a while afterwards too because I end up all depressend and feeling like there is no point in doing anything.
Also, I'm not a bad looking guy and I know that. I've had a few crushes that I went on dates with and all that stuf but it always stalls at the same point. I cant have sex with a normal girl. Sex has become something dirty in my mind something wrong I only do secretly with hookers. Lately Ive been finding it hard to even talk to girls anymore cause I feel like Im a bad person to women and I don't deserve to even speak to them. Everyone thinks I'm such a nice and good person and it just makes me feel so guilty.
I always wonder how I am going to have a girlfriend or wife or children...I feel like this is an issue I cant get rid off at all. I honestly have no idea how to deal with this so if anyone has any advice it would be much appreciated!
P.S. I get tested frequently and I always make sure I use a condom and all so I'm not to worried about STIs.
Basically, when I was about 12 my grandma gave me 50 Pounds as a birthday present without telling my mom or dad. I used to live in a country where street prostituition is legal...and the day before I got that money I had warched porn for the first time in my life. Somehow I ended up spending that 50 Pound on a street hooker. And ever since then I've been sleeping with hookers extremely frequently....I think in 8 years I must've slept with about 150+ hookers
. It's literally become something like an addiction and it's actually having a serious toll on my mental health. Noone knows about this it's my dirty secret.I always feel really disgusted myself literally every single day of my life. About the fact that I am exploiting these women, about the fact that I always feel like Im dirty and grimy for DAYS after I've done it (have to shower multiple times a day, wash my hands really rigorously before eating etc.),about the fact that I'm a ****ing liar because I have to lie to everyone constantly about where Im going or where my money has disappeared to! I become really unproductive for a while afterwards too because I end up all depressend and feeling like there is no point in doing anything.
Also, I'm not a bad looking guy and I know that. I've had a few crushes that I went on dates with and all that stuf but it always stalls at the same point. I cant have sex with a normal girl. Sex has become something dirty in my mind something wrong I only do secretly with hookers. Lately Ive been finding it hard to even talk to girls anymore cause I feel like Im a bad person to women and I don't deserve to even speak to them. Everyone thinks I'm such a nice and good person and it just makes me feel so guilty.
I always wonder how I am going to have a girlfriend or wife or children...I feel like this is an issue I cant get rid off at all. I honestly have no idea how to deal with this so if anyone has any advice it would be much appreciated!
P.S. I get tested frequently and I always make sure I use a condom and all so I'm not to worried about STIs.
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Bump
You're not exploiting them that's their stupid fault for getting used like a tissue.
You're not a bad person but you seem like you want to change. Have a chat with your GP I'm sure there are services for this sort of addiction.
Sex is so much better when you're with someone you know well
You're not a bad person but you seem like you want to change. Have a chat with your GP I'm sure there are services for this sort of addiction.
Sex is so much better when you're with someone you know well
Original post by bittr n swt
You're not exploiting them that's their stupid fault for getting used like a tissue.
You're not a bad person but you seem like you want to change. Have a chat with your GP I'm sure there are services for this sort of addiction.
Sex is so much better when you're with someone you know well
You're not a bad person but you seem like you want to change. Have a chat with your GP I'm sure there are services for this sort of addiction.
Sex is so much better when you're with someone you know well
But I've spoken to one for example and she said she had debts to pay off for her dad and she was about my age! Made me feel like ****
I want to but Im worried he'll judge me
Original post by Anonymous
But I've spoken to one for example and she said she had debts to pay off for her dad and she was about my age! Made me feel like ****
I want to but Im worried he'll judge me
I want to but Im worried he'll judge me
Nah don't feel bad. She's doing a service
Doctors don't judge that's why their doctors...
It would preferably be better speaking to a male GP
Original post by Anonymous
But I've spoken to one for example and she said she had debts to pay off for her dad and she was about my age! Made me feel like ****
I want to but Im worried he'll judge me
I want to but Im worried he'll judge me
Don't listen to bittr n swt. But yeah, don't feel bad about it. Definitely talk to your GP. It will be worth it; sounds like you've got a serious issue. Nothing you can't get over though.
Cheers for the replies ! I really want to try speaking to my GP but I'm just way to closed off about this issue...I just won't be able to say it to him/her. Ive kept it a secret for so long now that just imagining speaking to anyone makes me feel jncredibly anxious.
Bump. Any more advice would be appreciated. This is the only way I can comfortably talk about it that's why I wanna keep this going for a bit!
Hiya, I'm a Coach and Therapist... hope this helps.
Whatever you feed your mind with will grow.
It's like walking on a grassy path... the more you walk on it the deeper/stronger/walked on the path is.
If you truly want to change you must reduce this feed.. but how?
to begin with, realise and accept that there is a benefit to what you are doing.... the obvious rushes etc.
In order to reduce a 'craving' affect, you will need to find out what you can replace this with.... What other things does your body / your mind want and need.
This may not be a 'on.. then off switch'..... This will be a strong desire for you and you may need to 'wean' yourself away.... less and less... replacing with a more appropriate option for you more and more.... This other option will need to give you lots of 'feel good' feelings of dopamine etc in order for you to want that more and more.
o
Ask yourself how you can improve things.... perhaps meeting up with 'the same woman' and less often than before.... this could be your weaning.
There are also 'mind techniques' that work really well..... It's the 'sex' emotional charge that has geared you in this direction. You can practice imagining that first video you saw with a different emotion instead (eg. laugh at it.. or yawn at it, or imagine 'whatever').. practice this and you should be able to reduce that 'seedy sex' emotion that will, in turn, help you right now.... But, importantly stop more feeding of this as much as possible (with porn etc).
It's important that you learn to love yourself again. Because you need to love you before you will be able to bring love into your life.... and learn again about normal relationships.... one step at a time.
Do not judge yourself..... accept this is where you are at now...... and learn to be better.... one step at a time.
Once your body and mind get what you truly want and need then you will find that cravings etc go also...... this is a process, but this will take time and do not suffer if/when you sleep again with a woman who chooses to charge you for sleeping with her.... Just keep moving more toward your goal of finally being able to have a fulfilling happy loving/passionate relationship one day.
If you want to be better you will be.
GOOD LUCK!
Whatever you feed your mind with will grow.
It's like walking on a grassy path... the more you walk on it the deeper/stronger/walked on the path is.
If you truly want to change you must reduce this feed.. but how?
to begin with, realise and accept that there is a benefit to what you are doing.... the obvious rushes etc.
In order to reduce a 'craving' affect, you will need to find out what you can replace this with.... What other things does your body / your mind want and need.
This may not be a 'on.. then off switch'..... This will be a strong desire for you and you may need to 'wean' yourself away.... less and less... replacing with a more appropriate option for you more and more.... This other option will need to give you lots of 'feel good' feelings of dopamine etc in order for you to want that more and more.
o
Ask yourself how you can improve things.... perhaps meeting up with 'the same woman' and less often than before.... this could be your weaning.
There are also 'mind techniques' that work really well..... It's the 'sex' emotional charge that has geared you in this direction. You can practice imagining that first video you saw with a different emotion instead (eg. laugh at it.. or yawn at it, or imagine 'whatever').. practice this and you should be able to reduce that 'seedy sex' emotion that will, in turn, help you right now.... But, importantly stop more feeding of this as much as possible (with porn etc).
It's important that you learn to love yourself again. Because you need to love you before you will be able to bring love into your life.... and learn again about normal relationships.... one step at a time.
Do not judge yourself..... accept this is where you are at now...... and learn to be better.... one step at a time.
Once your body and mind get what you truly want and need then you will find that cravings etc go also...... this is a process, but this will take time and do not suffer if/when you sleep again with a woman who chooses to charge you for sleeping with her.... Just keep moving more toward your goal of finally being able to have a fulfilling happy loving/passionate relationship one day.
If you want to be better you will be.
GOOD LUCK!
Original post by Ebony19
You first slept with a hooker when you were 12?
Yh
Original post by Jayne7
Hiya, I'm a Coach and Therapist... hope this helps.
Whatever you feed your mind with will grow.
It's like walking on a grassy path... the more you walk on it the deeper/stronger/walked on the path is.
If you truly want to change you must reduce this feed.. but how?
to begin with, realise and accept that there is a benefit to what you are doing.... the obvious rushes etc.
In order to reduce a 'craving' affect, you will need to find out what you can replace this with.... What other things does your body / your mind want and need.
This may not be a 'on.. then off switch'..... This will be a strong desire for you and you may need to 'wean' yourself away.... less and less... replacing with a more appropriate option for you more and more.... This other option will need to give you lots of 'feel good' feelings of dopamine etc in order for you to want that more and more.
o
Ask yourself how you can improve things.... perhaps meeting up with 'the same woman' and less often than before.... this could be your weaning.
There are also 'mind techniques' that work really well..... It's the 'sex' emotional charge that has geared you in this direction. You can practice imagining that first video you saw with a different emotion instead (eg. laugh at it.. or yawn at it, or imagine 'whatever').. practice this and you should be able to reduce that 'seedy sex' emotion that will, in turn, help you right now.... But, importantly stop more feeding of this as much as possible (with porn etc).
It's important that you learn to love yourself again. Because you need to love you before you will be able to bring love into your life.... and learn again about normal relationships.... one step at a time.
Do not judge yourself..... accept this is where you are at now...... and learn to be better.... one step at a time.
Once your body and mind get what you truly want and need then you will find that cravings etc go also...... this is a process, but this will take time and do not suffer if/when you sleep again with a woman who chooses to charge you for sleeping with her.... Just keep moving more toward your goal of finally being able to have a fulfilling happy loving/passionate relationship one day.
If you want to be better you will be.
GOOD LUCK!
Whatever you feed your mind with will grow.
It's like walking on a grassy path... the more you walk on it the deeper/stronger/walked on the path is.
If you truly want to change you must reduce this feed.. but how?
to begin with, realise and accept that there is a benefit to what you are doing.... the obvious rushes etc.
In order to reduce a 'craving' affect, you will need to find out what you can replace this with.... What other things does your body / your mind want and need.
This may not be a 'on.. then off switch'..... This will be a strong desire for you and you may need to 'wean' yourself away.... less and less... replacing with a more appropriate option for you more and more.... This other option will need to give you lots of 'feel good' feelings of dopamine etc in order for you to want that more and more.
o
Ask yourself how you can improve things.... perhaps meeting up with 'the same woman' and less often than before.... this could be your weaning.
There are also 'mind techniques' that work really well..... It's the 'sex' emotional charge that has geared you in this direction. You can practice imagining that first video you saw with a different emotion instead (eg. laugh at it.. or yawn at it, or imagine 'whatever').. practice this and you should be able to reduce that 'seedy sex' emotion that will, in turn, help you right now.... But, importantly stop more feeding of this as much as possible (with porn etc).
It's important that you learn to love yourself again. Because you need to love you before you will be able to bring love into your life.... and learn again about normal relationships.... one step at a time.
Do not judge yourself..... accept this is where you are at now...... and learn to be better.... one step at a time.
Once your body and mind get what you truly want and need then you will find that cravings etc go also...... this is a process, but this will take time and do not suffer if/when you sleep again with a woman who chooses to charge you for sleeping with her.... Just keep moving more toward your goal of finally being able to have a fulfilling happy loving/passionate relationship one day.
If you want to be better you will be.
GOOD LUCK!
Cheers for that it helped
Original post by Anonymous
Yh
Original post by Ebony19
Right, I don't care what people say. That's child abuse. No wonder you're feeling slightly messed up. You properly need to visit some mental health services. Okay so how old are you now and what city do you live in? Only reason I want to know is can see what mental health services are available that way
I know I was way to young....unfortunately the girls usually dont care and theyre not like car street hookers they have little rooms so its really easy for anyone of any age to go:s
I would rather bot post that sorry and I cant talk about it with someone face to face Im way too terrified if doing that but thanks anyway! I'm gonna try and somehow stop it but if it doesnt work by the time Id finishes Uni ill probably go and speak to someone because then Ill be completley independent and itll be easiee for me to drive to another city or something like that and speak to someone that deffo will never see me in the street or something like that
Original post by Ebony19
Right, I don't care what people say. That's child abuse. No wonder you're feeling slightly messed up. You properly need to visit some mental health services. Okay so how old are you now and what city do you live in? Only reason I want to know is can see what mental health services are available that way
I tried to stop but I did it again. A few times. I think I need help but I'm not really sure where to go or who to ask? Will it cost me money? If you know anything about this please tell me
! Really bothering me and its making me not wanna leave my room or do anything
Anyone else who knows anything tell me what to do please
Original post by Anonymous
I tried to stop but I did it again. A few times. I think I need help but I'm not really sure where to go or who to ask? Will it cost me money? If you know anything about this please tell me
! Really bothering me and its making me not wanna leave my room or do anything
! Really bothering me and its making me not wanna leave my room or do anything
http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/addiction/Pages/sexandloveaddiction.aspx
Quite a good link above, yours is more the sex addiction unless you also experience the other stuff of course. Either way it shows that your problem is clearly recognised and you are able to go to your GP and discuss this with them. Considering it happened at such a young age, explain you didn't know what you were doing but now it's out of hand. Get the help you deserve.
Other links
http://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-sex/sex-common-problems/im-worried-i-or-someone-i-know-might-be-addicted-sex
http://www.saa-recovery.org.uk/what-is-sex-addiction.html
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Ebony19
http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/addiction/Pages/sexandloveaddiction.aspx
Quite a good link above, yours is more the sex addiction unless you also experience the other stuff of course. Either way it shows that your problem is clearly recognised and you are able to go to your GP and discuss this with them. Considering it happened at such a young age, explain you didn't know what you were doing but now it's out of hand. Get the help you deserve.
Other links
http://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-sex/sex-common-problems/im-worried-i-or-someone-i-know-might-be-addicted-sex
http://www.saa-recovery.org.uk/what-is-sex-addiction.html
Quite a good link above, yours is more the sex addiction unless you also experience the other stuff of course. Either way it shows that your problem is clearly recognised and you are able to go to your GP and discuss this with them. Considering it happened at such a young age, explain you didn't know what you were doing but now it's out of hand. Get the help you deserve.
Other links
http://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-sex/sex-common-problems/im-worried-i-or-someone-i-know-might-be-addicted-sex
http://www.saa-recovery.org.uk/what-is-sex-addiction.html
Thanks so much!
