flatmate's violent boyfriend

My flatmate has a really horrible boyfriend, and they keep breaking up and getting back together. Every time they have an argument, he shouts at her at the top of his voice and reduces her to tears, and I don't think I can take it any longer. Today I heard them shouting, and then I heard her yelling at him to get out of our house, at which point he ran downstairs and started playing the piano, so she followed him and told him to get out again, so he poured a can of coke all over the living room. I've just had to clean it up - it was all over the wall, the carpet, the sofa and the table. Luckily it doesn't look as though there will be any lasting damage, otherwise we'd all lose some of our deposit. When I heard them downstairs I went and asked what was going on, and told him he's not to come to our house and behave like that, and that none of us actually like him. He left the house, shutting the door on her hand as he went, and she just started crying inconsolably. She said she's never been so scared someone was going to hit her. What should I do or say to help the situation? Any advice would be gratefully received!

Reply 1

Claire_Elizabeth

You need to make sure he doesnt come back in the house for starters, it could start with shutting a door on her hand what next? will he start hitting her?? You dont know how violent he is, he could have been violent towards you when you intervened!
You need to talk to your flatmate and make her see that she is better than him and can do better! Nobody should be treated the way she is being treated! Why be upset in a relationship if you're unhappy? The whole point of a relationship is to be happy! And it sounds like she isnt!
As for her bf (or ex)? You have to say something like if he comes in to the house again and damages anything again then you will call the police, because he is causing damage to somebody elses property!
You have to be careful though because you never know how violent he could turn!
Good luck!

Reply 2

Alice 00

That guy has overstepped the mark. He is a bully, plain and simple.

I would tell her she has to get rid of him, but that whatever she decides make it clear that that psycho is not allowed in the house ever. Why the hell should u put up with this. U have to make a stand now. This has gone beyond bf/gf.

Reply 3

kam

Sounds like a complete idiot.
If one of my flatmates' boyfriends acted like that I'd probably physically throw them out.

You should go around to his place and egg his door and windows, see how he would like anyone messing up the place.

Reply 4

Logan

violent people harm others.. smple as that... i would stay away at these types of people

Reply 5

Vampyrcorn

Uhoh...

my only advice would be to do your best to make sure your flatmate is as confident as possible so that if she wants to split from him then she'll have the confidence to do that.

it would be good if you could be firm about not wanting him in the house without damaging your friendship with her.

good luck. he sounds like a sh it.

Reply 6

Apricot Fairy

I phoned my other housemate who is on a hospital placement in another city and she thinks it's serious enough that she's coming home. I think she's going to go over and speak to him tonight.

Reply 7

username47781

She needs to stand up and leave him and stay away from him, it's very hard i know but unless she does then he will continue to do it and destroy her life and self esteem.

Reply 8

evil groove

Apricot Fairy

I phoned my other housemate who is on a hospital placement in another city and she thinks it's serious enough that she's coming home. I think she's going to go over and speak to him tonight.

Well, don't let her go ALONE! :eek:

Reply 9

Sithius

You got any male flatmates? Next times he's in and they are in make sure he knows to stay out.

Reply 10

fakeplasticsmee

Apricot Fairy

I phoned my other housemate who is on a hospital placement in another city and she thinks it's serious enough that she's coming home. I think she's going to go over and speak to him tonight.