Not sure if/how I should break up with boyfriend

Tl;dr 'I am better and smarter than my bf, going further in life and lost interest, he will never live up to my culture's standards and he's become.all clingy which is a turn off but he's a NICE SWEET GUY so I'll pretend I respect him more than I do, how to break up without hurting his feewings too much?'

Hmm, I can see how you can interpret it like that, but I don't think I'm better and smarter, I just think we are different. And he isn't clingy, I think he just sees more of a future than I do, though sometimes I feel like he's saying some of the stuff about our "shared future" just for the sake of it or because that's the only way he knows (he was with a girl for four years before me).

Firstly, how do you know that he won't fit in with your culture or manage the language if you haven't even given him a chance to try it? It sounds like you are assuming that he won't fit in, when given time he could.
Secondly, you say you are looking or a serious relationship resulting in marriage within 2-3 years and say that he isn't looking for something serious. Yet he is prepared to wait until marriage for sex and move closer to you - that sounds like he is pretty committed and serious to me.

Forgive me if I'm wrong it sounds like you are not giving him a chance because he doesn't fit into your ideas for a boyfriend, when what really matters is whether you like him or not. If you like him and he makes you happy then sty with him and give him a chance to show you that he'll fit into your culture and other 'ideals'. Don't immediately decide he won't ever be just because he isn't intellectual as you.

Hey all,

I've got a bit of an internal dilemma and really unsure what to do, so some help/advice would be greatly appreciated.

I'm a 24 year old female, and a final year university student. I'm quite driven, and want to get a first in my degree. I'm also a social person by nature and quite involved in my community, like to volunteer and mentor other students. So, I'm a bit of busy bee and very conscious of not wasting my time, so I can do well at uni.

I've been with this guy for about four months now (longest relationship to date). We met on Tinder (I know!) but it worked out just fine and I feel like the everything between us has been going quite well so far. He's lovely, caring, quite interesting and (as far as I can tell) likes me a lot. But there are a few issues that keep cropping up in my head and make me feel like it's a dead end relationship.

First of all, I've decided not to have sex before marriage (this is my decision, partly cultural, but I definitely won't change it unless I'm certain I'll marry that person, so if you want to judge me, do, but suggesting that I should have sex won't help). He has said that this isn't a problem for him, and while we've "done other stuff", I feel like there will come a point where this will not be enough for him. He doesn't want to marry any time soon (he's half a year younger than me), whereas I am looking for a serious long term relationship that will result in marriage within 2-3 years.

Secondly, I come from an Eastern European country, which has quite a different culture, and I feel like, while he is open to other nationalities, etc. he will not really be able to fit in to mine, or will most certainly struggle, esp with language. At the same time, I don't feel like he fully understands me or my family values in the same way as a guy from my country would, which is extremely important to me. His family life is very different to mine and I feel I'd miss the closeness that is the norm in most families in my country. I've never assumed that I should only date someone from my country, as I've fit in quite well into British culture and love everything about it, so I figured some British guys might be as flexible as I am, but I sense that this wouldn't be the case with him.

The final thing probably is that, at the risk of sounding arrogant, he doesn't challenge me intellectually as some of my friends/previous bfs have done. He isn't very articulate, and hasn't travelled a lot or read much, so I feel like I always have to explain stuff to him, and I'm constantly worried about being patronising. He's smart in many other ways, esp in his field (web design), but he tends to agree with me on most other things, which can be a little frustrating when I'm used to debating all the time.

I don't see him very often because he lives in the neighbouring city and I'm always busy with studies, but he keeps talking about moving soon (in a year! when he can save up for a house) so he can be closer to me. I'm dreading this slightly though, and worried that he is taking this much more seriously than I am. I don't see a future with him, but he clearly does with me, so I don't know what to do.

The problem I am having in breaking it off is that he treats me very well, he is the loveliest guy ever, and I would never want to break his heart. I don't know what to say to him, because I don't feel like the reasons I gave above are strong grounds for a break up, and are just mean, so he'll just think I'm a b**** and I don't want to be that person he hates.

I can imagine this sounds pretty selfish, and I do feel happy with him at the moment, but I know that in the long run there is no future, so I don't want to lead him on. I'm also worried it has affected my performance at uni, and blame myself for having spent so much time with him when I could have been studying.

Ah, this is a long post, not sure anyone will take the time to read it, but if you do, any ideas on how I can break up with him without breaking his heart or what I should do in general would be useful

P.S. Please don't hate

I guess I stayed with him because I genuinely like him and enjoy spending time with him and that hasn't changed. The only thing that changed was me realising that maybe what he wants is more serious (I'm not sure cos he knows that i might move away after uni and hasn't made that too much of a big deal) and that I definitely can't see it working out long term.

So is it worth sticking together just cos we like each other? I should probably just speak with him and find out what he expects from the relationship.

I had a similar situation in the past with my boyfriend. Not challenged intellectually; worried about losing study time; thinking it had no future due to different values.

However, I came to love and appreciate him over time, he was understanding about how busy I was, he turned out to be open to my ideas about marriage/children, and we're still together now.

Unless this guy demands to know if there is a future with you, it's not necessarily an issue, so long as you're not leading him on.

I think if you're having all of these worries after only four months in, it doesn't bode too well. Maybe you're putting too much pressure on the relationship too early on? Any relationship/person is going to have a tough time when you're wanting such a big thing (marriage) in such a short timespan (wanting marriage within a few years).

I'm guessing the want to get married in such a specific timeframe is a cultural thing? I would like to get married in the future but I don't mind when it happens, so I'm not under so much pressure/in a rush for the person I'm with to be 'the one'. If he is, awesome. If he's not, then fair enough.

I'm also 24, but I'm about to start my first year in September so I guess I'm in a fairly different headspace to you anyway.

Anyway, I think I'm gonna stay with him and see how it pans out, maybe all these worries will go away if I stop judging him as a "future husband"