Yeah, I'm pretty sure I scared her off via text in the end :/

lockey1995

Hey,

I posted on here not long back about a girl I was speaking to at work, I won't give you the full run down as it's way too much to post I think the thread was called "Have I ruined my chances with a girl i like :/" anyhow. I ended up asking her out through text, waited about a week and just said Hey have you received my message? no reply, Then I sent something random as **** and I have no clue why I'm terrible and don't think sometimes I just said are you alive? Yeah no reply.

Waited a couple of days and sent one big one just explaining why I may have been acting weird not talking on that last week at work I just said I was shy/ incredibly tired from working all week and that I hardly spoke to anyone that week at all. I then said Sorry for the text spam I may have gone a little overboard with it. And just said When you told me about the stuff you were going through earlier if you ever need anyone to talk to I'm always here. And then left it at have I done anything wrong? 2 days later why the **** did I send that?!

In total I think i sent 9 over a course of 4 weeks, 2 were just asking how she was, one was new year and then the ones I've just explained. Well that's it I will leave it now, but I reckon the damage has already been done Damn I hate my self right now! that I've come across as someone creepy even though I'm not that person at all. So I guess I'll have to suck it up and move on, damn my lack of social skills/ anxiety

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/509720-have-i-ruined-my-chances-girl-i-like

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 1

Zarek

21

Live and learn... Never ever asks girls out by text, email, letter etc. it is a cowardly school boy error that habitually ends up in waiting hideously on tender hooks and receiving no reply. The way to do is to judge interest with some flirting, ask her out face to face and see happens. Even if you're rejected it is an honourable way.

Reply 2

beckaroo7

13

Just read this and your last thread. It seems like you've got fairly low self esteem and you're could torturing yourself by over thinking this. Sounds like the girl just isn't/wasn't interested really from the start for whatever reason.

Don't hate yourself, but move on and try not to overthink things as much. Try to be more confident, not just act it

Reply 3

MaseratiJay

12

I think if you learn from all of this you'll be better off. Never send more than 1 text without a response 2 at most... and you only send a 2nd one if the first one was something that couldn't really be replied to.

Edit: Okay I just read the other thread I think it's best you just take it easy for a while. In life in general and don't over-think anything.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 4

lockey1995

OP

Original post by MaseratiJay

I think if you learn from all of this you'll be better off. Never send more than 1 text without a response 2 at most... and you only send a 2nd one if the first one was something that couldn't really be replied to.

Edit: Okay I just read the other thread I think it's best you just take it easy for a while. In life in general and don't over-think anything.

I'll never see her again in person she's left work and I have so damn :frown:

Reply 5

username564415

14

Original post by lockey1995

I'll never see her again in person she's left work and I have so damn :frown:

Why worry about it? She didn't want to escalate things so that's that, not much point just being friends as there will always be you hoping it will become more.

Jesus I don't get how you people make everything seem so difficult

Reply 6

lockey1995

OP

Pretty sure she did like me, but maybe she thought I was going to be someone different or something idk, the overthinking everything/ paranoia was what did it in the end lol. If i just calmed down and relaxed I may have actually spoke to her at work rather than thinking about doing. I really think it's because i never spoke to her in person only via text.

Reply 7

MaseratiJay

12

Original post by lockey1995

I'll never see her again in person she's left work and I have so damn :frown:

She's ONE person in the entire world man. And you didn't even really know her to begin with...she could have been an alien or rude or had bad manners you never know man. Please don't be sad! I think next time you like someone you need to not get so invested so quickly.
She really shouldn't be having this effect on you...no girl should not so soon anyway.

Reply 8

lockey1995

OP

Original post by MaseratiJay

She's ONE person in the entire world man. And you didn't even really know her to begin with...she could have been an alien or rude or had bad manners you never know man. Please don't be sad! I think next time you like someone you need to not get so invested so quickly.
She really shouldn't be having this effect on you...no girl should not so soon anyway.

I guess I did speak to her a little in the job induction 4-5 months ago now. I just went really shy all of a sudden/ awkward. If you read the previous post on that site I writ it's all there aha

Reply 9

ChaoticButterfly

20

It really isn't hard to text back saying you aren't interested in a polite way.

Reply 10

MaseratiJay

12

Original post by lockey1995

I guess I did speak to her a little in the job induction 4-5 months ago now. I just went really shy all of a sudden/ awkward. If you read the previous post on that site I writ it's all there aha

Yeah but that does not really justify how you feel right now man.

I did read the previous post, believe me, and it's just not enough to go on. I can understand if you had known her for ages etc.

But you were both shy, she has gone now and there's not a lot you can do. Try not to dwell too much about it though because you'll only make yourself feel worse.

Reply 11

phunky_fresh

14

Original post by ChaoticButterfly

It really isn't hard to text back saying you aren't interested in a polite way.

I agree. I can't believe she didn't respond to at least one of the texts you sent OP

Reply 12

ChaoticButterfly

20

Original post by beckaroo7

Don't hate yourself, but move on and try not to over think things as much. Try to be more confident, not just act it

How is that even advice? Just be more confident? To just alter a fundamental part fo who you are just like that. The whole problem is that you are unconfident like it is deep character flaw that means you are going to be unattractive to everyone unless you get over it which can be extremely difficult and near impossible. You experience rejection after rejection with no success and your self confidence gets stamped into the ground. Yet you still get told to be more confident, it starts to become a joke. I don't care if a girl isn't confident but I'm supposed to be uber confident apparently otherwise I have no chance with anyone. It's not fair :frown:

and it's hard not to hate yourslef for it. Which I do. A lot.

Reply 13

lockey1995

OP

Original post by MaseratiJay

Yeah but that does not really justify how you feel right now man.

I did read the previous post, believe me, and it's just not enough to go on. I can understand if you had known her for ages etc.

But you were both shy, she has gone now and there's not a lot you can do. Try not to dwell too much about it though because you'll only make yourself feel worse.

This was the one I thought I posted it's all on this one sorry aha, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/509720-have-i-ruined-my-chances-girl-i-like

Reply 14

MaseratiJay

12

Original post by lockey1995

This was the one I thought I posted it's all on this one sorry aha, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/509720-have-i-ruined-my-chances-girl-i-like

I've seen it - you mentioned a thread you've previously written on here so I looked it up and read it.

Reply 15

beckaroo7

13

Original post by ChaoticButterfly

How is that even advice? Just be more confident? To just alter a fundamental part fo who you are just like that. The whole problem is that you are unconfident like it is deep character flaw that means you are going to be unattractive to everyone unless you get over it which can be extremely difficult and near impossible. You experience rejection after rejection with no success and your self confidence gets stamped into the ground. Yet you still get told to be more confident, it starts to become a joke. I don't care if a girl isn't confident but I'm supposed to be uber confident apparently otherwise I have no chance with anyone. It's not fair :frown:

and it's hard not to hate yourslef for it. Which I do. A lot.

You can usually work on things like that. Plenty people are unconfident when younger, make an effort at some point to be more confident. It doesn't happen overnight. It takes effort but for some people it's worth it. It can happen.

You don't have to be extremely confident. But overthinking things to this degree is unhealthy and saying you hate yourself is as well.

Reply 16

lockey1995

OP

Original post by MaseratiJay

I've seen it - you mentioned a thread you've previously written on here so I looked it up and read it.

Ahh ok, but yeah I am quite gutted about it :/

Reply 17

redferry

19

Original post by ChaoticButterfly

How is that even advice? Just be more confident? To just alter a fundamental part fo who you are just like that. The whole problem is that you are unconfident like it is deep character flaw that means you are going to be unattractive to everyone unless you get over it which can be extremely difficult and near impossible. You experience rejection after rejection with no success and your self confidence gets stamped into the ground. Yet you still get told to be more confident, it starts to become a joke. I don't care if a girl isn't confident but I'm supposed to be uber confident apparently otherwise I have no chance with anyone. It's not fair :frown:

and it's hard not to hate yourslef for it. Which I do. A lot.

Oh come on, pull yourself together. These things happen on their own, no need to force it. If it's not meant to be its not meant to be.

Also if you are scared of something you face up to your fears. I used to be scared of horses so I started horse riding. Used to be scared of roller coasters so I went on duelling dragons in Florida.

The key to not worrying about what others think is doing something so stupidly embarassing that nothing else you do measures up, and realise nothing bad actually happens as a result :smile: