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Original post by Kovu
I don't understand why this sort of person don't just stay single? That's essentially what they are asking for but with the regular sex benefits of a relationship...


People have their reasons, like mis-matched sex drives for example. But there are some people who think that open relationships are an excuse to cheat (they're not, actually), and I'm getting that vibe from the OP about her bf.

If my partner came up to me and asked me to open our relationship, I would of course talk to the partner and find out the real reasons why. But my poly relationship recently closed the group to any outside relationships - too complex for us.
Reply 181
Original post by JulietheCat
People have their reasons, like mis-matched sex drives for example. But there are some people who think that open relationships are an excuse to cheat (they're not, actually), and I'm getting that vibe from the OP about her bf.<br />
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If my partner came up to me and asked me to open our relationship, I would of course talk to the partner and find out the real reasons why. But my poly relationship recently closed the group to any outside relationships - too complex for us.
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How many relationships are you in then? Let me guess you're bisexual? Have some underlying issue that has caused you to behave this way? I'm just asking. :smile:
Original post by Joel21
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How many relationships are you in then? Let me guess you're bisexual? Have some underlying issue that has caused you to behave this way? I'm just asking. :smile:



How many polyamorous people have you actually spent time with and spoken to in real life or are you making all your idotic judgements from the Internet? I'm just asking :smile:
Original post by Joel21
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How many relationships are you in then? Let me guess you're bisexual? Have some underlying issue that has caused you to behave this way? I'm just asking. :smile:


I grew up in a healthy, monogamous family and I had a very good childhood. But I still opt for being in an MMF triad, because like some others in this thread, I like both genders.

Reasons are so complex and I could spend hours arguing with you and geoking about my reasons for it. But alas, I have RL to live and I'm going shopping with my girlfriend and boyfriend soon. :h:
Original post by Wheezy
If I was in this situation I would see this as the end of my relationship. Anyone that is wanting to be with you will want you and just you. I can't get my head around the open relationship thing. No no no, I couldn't think of anything worse. If someone I was with asked me this, I would end the relationship. Protectiveness is attractive to me, and to some extent even jealousy, I would like to know they want me all to themselves and not share me, and I would like to know the same in return. Honestly, I feel bad for you, because it seems your boyfriend is looking for an excuse to see other people without the guilt. But, if you agree to it, that's your choice and no one can judge that also.


Right
Original post by physicst
Right

No need to be rude.

Original post by JulietheCat
I grew up in a healthy, monogamous family and I had a very good childhood. But I still opt for being in an MMF triad, because like some others in this thread, I like both genders.

Reasons are so complex and I could spend hours arguing with you and geoking about my reasons for it. But alas, I have RL to live and I'm going shopping with my girlfriend and boyfriend soon.


So you have a girlfriend and boyfriend? Are you all in love with eachother? I'm just intrigued on how it all works tbh. Enjoy your shopping with the mr and missus. :wink:
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by BunnyMisery246
Yeah we started off exclusive, only recently has he started asking to open our relationship up. I'm worried that he's not satisfied with me but he said he still loves me but thinks we should have some fun since we're still young, but I really don't want too but at the same time i'm worried if I say no i'll lose him.


Hi, I understand if you say no you'll lose him, but if you were to say yes... What if he finds someone else and starts to like her... will you not lose him then too...
If you were to say no, you will lose him straightaway but if you were to say yes, you will eventually lose him too...
If a guy is serious about you, whether you are young or old, he wouldn't have suggested the thought of an open relationship and would only want to be with you...

There's a quote I really like, which is “if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.”
I understand he hasn't fallen for anyone yet but if he really does love you, he wouldn't want an open relationship, he would just want a closed relationship with you...

Sit and speak to him, ask "Why do you want an open relationship?", "Am I not satisfying you both Emotionally and Physically?"...Effective Communication is one of the best way to hold a relationship together...

Good Luck...Hope this go well for you. :smile:
Original post by BunnyMisery246
No need to be rude.



So you have a girlfriend and boyfriend? Are you all in love with eachother? I'm just intrigued on how it all works tbh. Enjoy your shopping with the mr and missus. :wink:


Thank you :h:

Yes, we all have emotional and sexual relations with one another. We used to have it open but now, it's a closed group. Openness caused too many problems.

Oh and how did it go? :smile:
Original post by JulietheCat
Thank you
Yes, we all have emotional and sexual relations with one another. We used to have it open but now, it's a closed group. Openness caused too many problems.
Oh and how did it go?
That's great that you all love eachother i'm happy for you. :smile: I'm speaking to my partner tonight, i've told him it's serious so just waiting for him to finish work at 6, i'm going to let him know exactly how I feel and have prepared myself for the worst, which would be him breaking up with me. Thank you to everyone who's helped me in here, i'll keep you updated.
Original post by BunnyMisery246
That's great that you all love eachother i'm happy for you. :smile: I'm speaking to my partner tonight, i've told him it's serious so just waiting for him to finish work at 6, i'm going to let him know exactly how I feel and have prepared myself for the worst, which would be him breaking up with me. Thank you to everyone who's helped me in here, i'll keep you updated.


Best of luck OP, please stay strong and don't settle for anything you feel uncomfortable with! :smile:
Original post by BunnyMisery246
That's great that you all love eachother i'm happy for you. :smile: I'm speaking to my partner tonight, i've told him it's serious so just waiting for him to finish work at 6, i'm going to let him know exactly how I feel and have prepared myself for the worst, which would be him breaking up with me. Thank you to everyone who's helped me in here, i'll keep you updated.


Don't take any ****, let him know it's a scummy idea. Honestly though you have to ask yourself if this isn't enough to break up over, him even asking, then you may be too forgiving.
Original post by JulietheCat
I grew up in a healthy, monogamous family and I had a very good childhood. But I still opt for being in an MMF triad, because like some others in this thread, I like both genders.

Reasons are so complex and I could spend hours arguing with you and geoking about my reasons for it. But alas, I have RL to live and I'm going shopping with my girlfriend and boyfriend soon. :h:


Ah another one. Goodo. Any chance you can answer this question which all the others fled away from:

How do you deal with the fact you're not enough for the person(s) you love? Does this mean you're more expendable than a person in a normal relationship?
I don't think that there's a point in being with someone if you're sleeping with other people. It defeats the object of a relationship where two people are completely infatuated with one another, if I were you I'd want to know why he's even thinking about an open relationship . X


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Well I told him exactly how I feel, he said it's fine and respects my decison, I feel like I have my man back again! :smile:
Original post by BunnyMisery246
Well I told him exactly how I feel, he said it's fine and respects my decison, I feel like I have my man back again! :smile:


Awesome. :biggrin:
Original post by geoking
Ah another one. Goodo. Any chance you can answer this question which all the others fled away from:

How do you deal with the fact you're not enough for the person(s) you love? Does this mean you're more expendable than a person in a normal relationship?


I feel fine, to be honest. In fact my gf has a higher sex drive than me so I'm fine with her sleeping with my bf.

But we are a closed group, not open.


Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by JulietheCat
I feel fine, to be honest. In fact my gf has a higher sex drive than me so I'm fine with her sleeping with my bf.

But we are a closed group, not open.


Posted from TSR Mobile


Eh?! I never mentioned sex...I'm talking about how do you deal with it emotionally that in a normal relationship one partner is content with the other for their entire life, whereas in yours, you only count for 50%.

Plus don't you feel that you clearly haven't met the right person if you are willing to share them? More than that, if you don't even have a compatible sex drive? Sounds more like rather than being single, you'd prefer to be someones side girl...
Original post by BunnyMisery246
Well I told him exactly how I feel, he said it's fine and respects my decison, I feel like I have my man back again! :smile:


Really? I'll be honest, you can't honestly think like that. If he was even entertaining the idea of wanting to sleep around with other women, don't you feel like there's now serious damage done to the trust in the relationship? If there is literal distance between you two, next time he goes out, will you be able to wholeheartedly trust him?
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by geoking
Really? I'll be honest, you can't honestly think like that. If he was even entertaining the idea of wanting to sleep around with other women, don't you feel like there's now serious damage done to the trust in the relationship? If there is literal distance between you two, next time he goes out, will you be able to wholeheartedly trust him?
I trust what he's saying, it does hurt that he asked me yes and it will take a while to get over it but the fact he was so understanding when I spoke with him earlier is a massive sense of relief. He knows where I stand now so if he ever asks again it's curtains for him. :biggrin:
Glad you got it sorted OP.

Just curious did you ask him why he wanted/was thinking of one?

Perhaps it was him saying (badly) he wants spicier sex? Kinky sex/3some etc? Perhaps explore the sexual reasoning behind him asking-it can only mean fun for the both of you!

Sexploration ftw!

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