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Open Relationships - Would you have one?

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Original post by geoking
How on earth is it rewarding?

"I love you, but you're not enough for me, so I'm going to sleep with someone else, but want an emotional fallback after I'm done busting a nut in another girl".

Sounds to me the only people who would go into an open relationship are those too insecure to be single and kill off an emotionally unhealthy relationship.


Open relationships are more like "I love you, but I know that you're very busy being a doctor and all so you can't go on huge adventures with me. Instead of expecting that you fulfill all of my needs and quit your job to go adventuring with me, let's make it open."
Original post by SecretDuck
Open relationships are more like "I love you, but I know that you're very busy being a doctor and all so you can't go on huge adventures with me. Instead of expecting that you fulfill all of my needs and quit your job to go adventuring with me, let's make it open."


Or how about "Our lives clearly aren't suited well for each other so let's break up and find people who do suit our needs"

Failing that:
"You're busy, so I'm going to spend time with a friend/friends, and we'll meet up later on"

Rather than:
"I can't cope with being single so I'm going to slam another chick because you're busy, and I can't cope with not having someone around."

All these open relationships sound like byproducts of very, very insecure people.
I have had one for 4 years. It's awesome. We have boundaries and rules we adhere to but it's great :-)
FTR my partner is my life partner...any extra curriculars are just fun and not extra relationships. We are not polyamorous.
No no no. I recently found out that a friend of mine is in a open marriage. They have been together for 10 years and it worked out for them. They both had their fun and are now settled with kids . She made the suggestion when they first met and he was happy to go along with it. I personally would never agree to it, but everyone is different. You don't sound too keen, so whatever you do, don't kid yourself into thinking it may be a good idea. And maybe seeing other people isn't a bad idea if he doesn't respond well to your decision.
Original post by geoking
Or how about "Our lives clearly aren't suited well for each other so let's break up and find people who do suit our needs"

Failing that:
"You're busy, so I'm going to spend time with a friend/friends, and we'll meet up later on"

Rather than:
"I can't cope with being single so I'm going to slam another chick because you're busy, and I can't cope with not having someone around."

All these open relationships sound like byproducts of very, very insecure people.


Trust me, I tried breaking up with my gf. But doing serial monogamy made the relationship a lot worse, and we were very much detached. The reasoning was like this:

"Hey, gf, I love you but I love another one. Let's break up."
"OK, SecretDuck. Whatever you say."
[3 months later]
"OK, it didn't work out. Let's get back together."
"It didn't work out with my ex gf either. I agree."

That reasoning continued for several years until I said "Enough is enough, let's look at it as a poly relationship."
Original post by SecretDuck
Trust me, I tried breaking up with my gf. But doing serial monogamy made the relationship a lot worse, and we were very much detached. The reasoning was like this:

"Hey, gf, I love you but I love another one. Let's break up."
"OK, SecretDuck. Whatever you say."
[3 months later]
"OK, it didn't work out. Let's get back together."
"It didn't work out with my ex gf either. I agree."

That reasoning continued for several years until I said "Enough is enough, let's look at it as a poly relationship."


...You just proved my point though. How about you just be single until you actually find the right person instead of forcing what clearly isn't a good relationship? You can't seriously think you love them and yet be slamming another girl on a regular basis....
Original post by geoking
...You just proved my point though. How about you just be single until you actually find the right person instead of forcing what clearly isn't a good relationship? You can't seriously think you love them and yet be slamming another girl on a regular basis....


That's the thing - I always seeked the right guy or girl, the one so to speak. But the more I search, the more I have come to admit that there isn't one person in the world that would complete me on its own. Monogamy isn't for me, and I'm willing to put in a lot of effort to maintain my current relationships than break it off with people who I have known and loved for years and try to search for the magical unicorn.

I may change my mind if I find "the one", but so far it's come to three people completing me, especially since I'm bi.

Also, in my current triad, we all dated each other seperately so we all know each other's habits. It's much harder if you bring someone new to the table.
Reply 128
Avatar for Joel21
Joel21
1
Original post by keromedic
Yes. <br />
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I'd probably want my bf to run past the ppl by me first.
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Why though? U want your bf smashing other girls?
Original post by Joel21
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Why though? U want your bf smashing other girls?


I'm not a girl.
Reply 130
Avatar for Joel21
Joel21
1
Original post by keromedic
I'm not a girl.
<br />
<br />
Ok so why would u want u bf smashing other men?
Original post by Joel21

Ok so why would u want u bf smashing other men?


What makes you assume I wouldn't be having sex with other men?
OP, what exactly has your boyfriend said about the open relationship? Did he go into specifics? Did he want casual sex outside the relationship, or another relationship? etc. It sounds like you'd be very unhappy in any kind of open relationship and your partner should respect this completely.


Personally, no, I wouldn't enter an open relationship. I've experienced one before - I entered a 'triad' with a married couple. They were fully polyamorous and had tried having a 'third' before. I won't bore you with details, but it was painful for me and it made me realise that I am most definitely not made for open relationships.

I enjoy everything that comes with being with one person, and wouldn't want to share them... and I'd be sad if they wanted to share me.

That said, I have complete understanding and respect for those in open relationships - I don't think it means those involved love each other any less. I think it's admirable that they have so much trust and faith in each other. For those that have said people in open relationships are probably mentally unstable, or less loving - I'd argue the opposite. It takes a hell of a lot of level-headedness, maturity, love and compassion to be in an open relationship.
Lol as if I'm sharing. I don't even share food.
Reply 134
Avatar for Joel21
Joel21
1
Original post by keromedic
What makes you assume I wouldn't be having sex with other men?
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Just seems weird tbh
Original post by SecretDuck
That's the thing - I always seeked the right guy or girl, the one so to speak. But the more I search, the more I have come to admit that there isn't one person in the world that would complete me on its own. Monogamy isn't for me, and I'm willing to put in a lot of effort to maintain my current relationships than break it off with people who I have known and loved for years and try to search for the magical unicorn.

I may change my mind if I find "the one", but so far it's come to three people completing me, especially since I'm bi.

Also, in my current triad, we all dated each other seperately so we all know each other's habits. It's much harder if you bring someone new to the table.


Please can you explain how it takes 3 people to complete you when most people are perfectly happy with just one. Sounds more like you're uncertain as to what you want and instead of taking the time to discover yourself, you're throwing yourself into a ridiculous situation.
Original post by geoking
Please can you explain how it takes 3 people to complete you when most people are perfectly happy with just one. Sounds more like you're uncertain as to what you want and instead of taking the time to discover yourself, you're throwing yourself into a ridiculous situation.


Just because something goes against societal norms doesn't make it ridiculous. Are gay couples ridiculous? Are trans couples ridiculous? Both of those go against "societal norms" too.

Some people have the capacity to love more than one person at a time, that's their prerogative and its great. To have a relationship with so much trust and love that they can share that love with another person is an incredible thing to be able to do.

Why is experiencing/sharing more love deem a negative thing to you?
Reply 137
Avatar for Joel21
Joel21
1
Hes bisexual tho so he needs both innit
Reply 138
Avatar for Joel21
Joel21
1
Original post by SnooFnoo
FTR my partner is my life partner...any extra curriculars are just fun and not extra relationships. We are not polyamorous.
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Original post by SnooFnoo
FTR my partner is my life partner...any extra curriculars are just fun and not extra relationships. We are not polyamorous.
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U are polyamorous what else would u call it? Having sex with others isn't monogamus
Original post by SnooFnoo
Just because something goes against societal norms doesn't make it ridiculous. Are gay couples ridiculous? Are trans couples ridiculous? Both of those go against "societal norms" too.

Some people have the capacity to love more than one person at a time, that's their prerogative and its great. To have a relationship with so much trust and love that they can share that love with another person is an incredible thing to be able to do.

Why is experiencing/sharing more love deem a negative thing to you?


Oh stop with the liberal nonsense. Just because it's different doesn't mean it's good either, which is clearly your argument.

It's not incredible, it's desperately insecure. It's not about loving 3 people, it's about not knowing oneself and so going with 3 as it's easier than taking the time to be alone and figuring out what you actually want. The fact that so many people are involved is lamentable.

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