Am I a jerk?

So I've been best friends with a girl for over a year now. I asked her three days ago if she wanted to go out (like an actual date) and she told me pretty bluntly no and that she never would want to. However she still clearly wants to be friends but I just can't be bothered. I now find talking and spending time with her tedious and I know I shouldn't but I do and I can't change that. Basically I wouldn't care if she never saw me again. Am I a jerk?

To clarify further it's not like I feel she had no right to turn me down or anything and I find guys like that to be pathetic, but since she has my interest in any sort of friendship has gone down the toilet and I feel like I should just tell her I don't care anymore.

Well if the only reason you were friends with her in the first place was for a potential relationship , then yes it would be wasting time. If you actually valued the friendship, then why not stay friends?

But now she keeps asking why I'm acting differently, and in all honesty sex doesn't bother me. I just wanted her to be someone who I could be close with.

Can you be close to her in a platonic friendship? I know some guy/girl friendships which are decidedly not romantic, but are nonetheless very close...

Not after asking her out and getting rejected. The thing is she didnt even make any attempt to say 'I value you as a friend' or anything so I kind of felt like it was that or nothing

Fair enough. In that situation, you can either say outright "btw, let's not be friends anymore" (phrasing more or less blunt, as you prefer :L), or you can just be civil and let things peter out of their own accord. I tend to go for the latter, but that can lead to awkwardness... Up to you, and best of luck.

Well considering how much time we used to spend together, everything from shopping to breakfast to watching tv late at night, spending 0 time with her and not replying to anything on social media will be pretty obvious but I think its the only way. I just need to go my own way and that's completely alone

Well considering how much time we used to spend together, everything from shopping to breakfast to watching tv late at night, spending 0 time with her and not replying to anything on social media will be pretty obvious but I think its the only way. I just need to go my own way and that's completely alone

So I've been best friends with a girl for over a year now. I asked her three days ago if she wanted to go out (like an actual date) and she told me pretty bluntly no and that she never would want to. However she still clearly wants to be friends but I just can't be bothered. I now find talking and spending time with her tedious and I know I shouldn't but I do and I can't change that. Basically I wouldn't care if she never saw me again. Am I a jerk?

To clarify further it's not like I feel she had no right to turn me down or anything and I find guys like that to be pathetic, but since she has my interest in any sort of friendship has gone down the toilet and I feel like I should just tell her I don't care anymore.

In that case, it's probably politer and clearer to give an explanation along the lines of: "Hey, I'm sorry to have to say this, but I don't really think we're on the same page in terms of what we want from each other, and it would be easier for me if we didn't stay in touch on a non-professional basis anymore. Obviously, I'd like us to stay on good terms at work, but I don't want to continue our relationship in any other way. I hope this oesn't come across as rude or bitter, but I thought it would be best to be clear, so that we both knew what page we're on. All the best."

I support you. If you just cant continue with the friendship no problem. Maybe it was the fact that she was so blunt instead of letting you down easy that set you off. Coming from her point of view she might be upset and sad if you want to end the friendship

Yes you are. She isn't interested in dating you and wants to be friends with you, so now you feel less bothered because you probably aren't going to get what you want out of this friendship. So yes, you are a massive jerk.

We aren't at work. We're at uni

Tbh I expected she would say no but the bluntness hit me. It's almost like she was pretty disgusted by the suggestion

Tbh I expected she would say no but the bluntness hit me. It's almost like she was pretty disgusted by the suggestion

Aha. Now I see. I would also find it awkward to continue a friendship after that.

She might also simply have been trying to make sure she didn't lead you on at all. Rejecting people is hard to do right.