How to deal with overprotective muslim parents?

Original post by Anonymous

How would I deal with overprotective muslim parents

I am 24 and wanted to go travelling by myself however they basically said No.

I wanted to go Shisha and they said No.

If I am late out at night they are texting me and calling me to find out where I am.

How would I stop them from behaving this way?

Moving out? Duh.

Reply 3

Another

21

How quickly can you move out?

Reply 4

Drewski

Well, you could turn your phone off.

"oops, it ran out of battery"

Reply 5

RockH

8

Have you ever sat down with them and confronted them about this, if not that's probably a good place to start. At 24 though you should look at moving out if you think you have no hope of convincing them to give you some space.

Reply 6

mangolegs

7

I can understand your situation. Ignore the ignorant comments from some people on here, they haven't a clue! With moving out. Are there any friends who can help you move your stuff? Do you work. If you are allowed to work then save and move out. Don't tell them. Move your stuff bit by bit.If they do get violent or literally stop you from moving out. Phone the police. Sitting down and talking to them I doubt will work. My family are like this also. If you feel talking would help then do that.

Reply 7

silent ninja

Original post by Anonymous

How would I deal with overprotective muslim parents

I am 24 and wanted to go travelling by myself however they basically said No.

I wanted to go Shisha and they said No.

If I am late out at night they are texting me and calling me to find out where I am.

How would I stop them from behaving this way?

You're posting on here so let me be blunt. You're not man enough. If your parents respected you they would let you do these things. There's nothing forbidden about going travelling, it's good.

Likely you behave like a child and haven't earned their respect. Yes, it has to be earned. Do you take initiative? Can you take charge of family matters when called upon? I come from a conservative family. When I was 18-24 like you I would occasionally stay out very late and went abroad. They were fine because they didn't have trust issues like yours. Ask yourself why. Asian/Muslim culture is different; you can't go living a solo life because family is deeply rooted in our every day lives.

It could be something small. "Hey dad you want to re-tile the kitchen, why don't I ask around and see if I can get some quotes and I'll come with u." It might sound silly but in their eyes you're actually behaving like an adult and might gain some standing. We all know mummy boys, how do you think they got that way?

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 8

Original post by silent ninja

You're posting on here so let me be blunt. You're not man enough. If your parents respected you they would let you do these things. There's nothing forbidden about going travelling, it's good.

Likely you behave like a child and haven't earned their respect. Yes, it has to be earned. Do you take initiative? Can you take charge of family matters when called upon? I come from a conservative family. When I was 18-24 like you I would occasionally stay out very late and went abroad. They were fine because they didn't have trust issues like yours. Ask yourself why. Asian/Muslim culture is different; you can't go living a solo life because family is deeply rooted in our every day lives.

Agree with the majority of this, but you definitely can live a solo life if you were to get a job in another city or something.

shybrown

x

mangolegs

x

Maybe I was harsh earlier on, but moving out is probably the best solution to the problem. Whether it's feasible or not, depends on the individual family. The only other real alternative is to just deal with it.

Reply 9

silent ninja

Original post by Mr.Econometrics

Agree with the majority of this, but you definitely can live a solo life if you were to get a job in another city or something.

By solo i meant disappearing and ringing home once a week-- acceptable in general British culture -- but definitely not in asian families. Unless you want to be an outcast, you can't get rid of your family. OP doesn't sound like the type who can live independently. No offence. If he were that type he wouldn't be in this situation.

I've seen lots of 'kids' with these issues and the truth is they behave like kids at home so their parents treat them like this. Get on a level with your parents and you'll see a different side, earn some respect. Until then the roles you had as a child remain and don't be surprised when they pick your bride for you lol

White British parents give their kids more responsibility which can work out. Asian kids like overprotecting parents that do every single thing for them, including their laundry, then suddenly the kid descides "hey i want to live MY LIFE.' Act like a grown up then! You can't have your cake and eat it.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 10

Original post by silent ninja

By solo i meant disappearing and ringing home once a week-- acceptable in general British culture -- but definitely not in asian families. Unless you want to be an outcast, you can't get rid of your family. OP doesn't sound like the type who can live independently. No offence. If he were that type he wouldn't be in this situation.

I've seen lots of 'kids' with these issues and the truth is they behave like kids at home so their parents treat them like this. Get on a level with your parents and you'll see a different side, earn some respect. Until then the roles you had as a child remain and don't be surprised when they pick your bride for you lol

Yes, exactly my point. You either take charge of your future/life by being an adult (whether this is moving out or by showing them you can be independent), or allow your parents to make every single decision for you for the rest of your life.

Reply 11

hamix.forllz

4

Original post by silent ninja

You're posting on here so let me be blunt. You're not man enough. If your parents respected you they would let you do these things. There's nothing forbidden about going travelling, it's good.

Likely you behave like a child and haven't earned their respect. Yes, it has to be earned. Do you take initiative? Can you take charge of family matters when called upon? I come from a conservative family. When I was 18-24 like you I would occasionally stay out very late and went abroad. They were fine because they didn't have trust issues like yours. Ask yourself why. Asian/Muslim culture is different; you can't go living a solo life because family is deeply rooted in our every day lives.

It could be something small. "Hey dad you want to re-tile the kitchen, why don't I ask around and see if I can get some quotes and I'll come with u." It might sound silly but in their eyes you're actually behaving like an adult and might gain some standing. We all know mummy boys, how do you think they got that way?

a bit harsh, but have to agree with this....I'm not from an Asian household, but then it's how it is.

Reply 12

iammeyouareyou

13

OP, my mother used to be very overprotective (still is in some ways) when I was in my teens. I eventually talked about it with her. I also had the support of my brothers so I wasn't alone in tackling the issue. Thankfully she was very understanding. I get it from her point of view. She didn't grow up in a society where life was a bowl of cherries and has seen / been through a lot herself. If I wanted to go abroad without her, even now, I know my mother wouldn't be 100% keen on the idea. However, I'm confident that I would still be able to discuss it with her and talk her round.

I think you should talk to your parents. You don't even have to talk to them on your own, maybe ask a brother / sister / relative to back you up? Speak to them in a calm and dignified manner. Do not get wound up or let the conversation turn into an argument - that will never solve the issue. And, when you do speak to them, bear in mind that everything your parents do / say is out of love and concern for you; parents love their children more than their children love them, remember that.

Anyway, good luck with it. :smile:

Reply 13

Gnomes&Knights

20

Original post by Anonymous

How would I deal with overprotective muslim parents

I am 24 and wanted to go travelling by myself however they basically said No.

I wanted to go Shisha and they said No.

If I am late out at night they are texting me and calling me to find out where I am.

How would I stop them from behaving this way?

I'm guessing you are either Bengali or Pakistani. If you are then expect overprotective behaviour. Overprotective behavior is common in Asian parents. They are probably afraid that you may be going outside mixing with people they don't want you mixing with. They also fear that by mixing with these people you will be up to no good and you could be putting yourself in dangerous situations. Agree with me or not, some Bengalis and Pakistanis tend to lack discipline. I mean look at some Asian people on our streets nowadays. Some are just lost case.

Reply 14

mangolegs

7

Original post by silent ninja

By solo i meant disappearing and ringing home once a week-- acceptable in general British culture -- but definitely not in asian families. Unless you want to be an outcast, you can't get rid of your family. OP doesn't sound like the type who can live independently. No offence. If he were that type he wouldn't be in this situation.

I've seen lots of 'kids' with these issues and the truth is they behave like kids at home so their parents treat them like this. Get on a level with your parents and you'll see a different side, earn some respect. Until then the roles you had as a child remain and don't be surprised when they pick your bride for you lol

White British parents give their kids more responsibility which can work out. Asian kids like overprotecting parents that do every single thing for them, including their laundry, then suddenly the kid descides "hey i want to live MY LIFE.' Act like a grown up then! You can't have your cake and eat it.

Sorry your wrong. I do all my own housework and cooking its actually taught from a young age in Asian families. Asian families do not want there children to grow up and do not allow them too. There is a lot of worry with females aswell. So they are suffocated even when they try to be independent. My parents every single job I tried to get they were negative. They don't want you to be 'corrupt' meaning taking a liking to a british lifestyle.

Reply 15

mangolegs

7

Original post by Mr.Econometrics

What kind of 24 year old doesn't have the ability/opportunity to move out?

Well for girls its a lot harder. Some asian families are violent and controlling. They try to batter your self esteem to try and stop you. Its all about not wanting you to mix with 'bad influences' as someone said in a previous post. And for girls its definitely so they don't drink n run off with boys n whatnot.

Reply 16

Placeboo123

Original post by Anonymous

How would I deal with overprotective muslim parents

I am 24 and wanted to go travelling by myself however they basically said No.

I wanted to go Shisha and they said No.

If I am late out at night they are texting me and calling me to find out where I am.

How would I stop them from behaving this way?

You're 24 not 15 anymore.
Wow some people...

Reply 17