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Friend of 8 years says he wants to date me but has never actually asked me on a date

I met this guy at university. I considered us great friends. I could talk to him about anything and we used to spend hours talking on the phone but would only meet up about once every month as he worked 7 days a week. 5 days on a practice placement and the other two at the weekend in London. I never had an issue about how little we met up. We were friends not lovers and I knew he genuinely didn't get many days off. Out of the blue he suggested that we could be friends who had sex. I was Honestly disgusted, told him to leave me alone and never bother me again. He seemed confused and then apologised. He did contact me again to apologise and ask me how I was doing but I ignored it.
He contacted me a few times and eventually I agreed to chat again but made it clear friends with benefits would never, ever happen. If I guy wants sex with me he can marry me or show me he is seriously committed. He understood. The communication slowly got less but never disappeared. I never initiated conversation at all, and he would initiate conversation about twice a year. This was always at significant times in his life such as his graduation.

We've now known each other 8 years and despite me never having initiated conversation he has never stopped messaging, albeit only twice a year on average. He never calls but texts. He seems to want contact but very, very little. He literally texts about 5 times twice a year.

Ive never paid much attention to any of this. As far as I was concerned he didn't see me as anything important and only text when he was a bit bored but I appreciated that he did stay in contact. However, he messaged four weeks ago and we had a nice chat like usual, and it was only when he stopped replying like usual that I initiated conversation and asked him how his day had gone. He replied and asked if the guy in my profile pic was my boyfriend. I said no my gay best friend and he said 'good. Please wait for me. I would hope that after all this time that You would know that I see you as something important. I would love to date you but unfortunately fate has kept us apart until now with me being a 7 hour drive away. I found you attractive when I first met you. You are stunning. I only have just under a year left over here and then I will be much nearer you'.

I'm cringing just writing that down haha, I made it clear I didn't believe a word of it and told him so. I said I don't know why you said that but I don't really believe it's true. He's not replied!

The thing is, I do actually like this guy. I would never be used for sex but we got on brilliantly as friends at first. Part of em just wants to block his number and maybe get a new phone so that I know he can't contact me and I won't be analysing or hoping for anything.

But then part of me wonders if he is telling a bit of truth. If he is telling the truth then by removing any means if contact I could be missing out.

My ex boyfriend was from quite near this guy when we met on a night out. He would travel down regularly and made arrangements for me to stay at his place. If a guy wants to be with a girl then they show it in my opinion. You're not left wondering if they like you.

This is is a guy with a good job, decent money and not a bad looker. I'm sure he could find someone to use for sex if he wanted.

Whats your take on this?

Reply 1

strawberry

Tough one. He's not exactly a very close friend, but he's not really a stranger either. Are you even inclined to see if he meant what he said? Ask him flat out.

Reply 2

catsis

Don't ask him out. He's ought to contact you again and then drop him hints that you might be interested in dating. That's what I would do.

Reply 3

poorform

TL;DR.

Why were you so harsh on him just because he suggested FWB?

Seriously you could have just said no rather than going mad at him.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

I was annoyed. I didn't believe he was tellinf the truth as he could have asked me on a date and never did. He even had the cheek to ask for casual sex at one point!

I don't think he likes me, and I'm not going to chase him but there is that nagging doubt.

I used to not really think of him but recently have thought of him more. I always like him but don't think I realised until now.

He claims to like me. But his actions say differently. He has always kept me as someone he messages once in a while.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

I said I didn't believe him but mad eit clear I wasn't annoyed. Just that I knew he wasn't tellinf the truth

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

I am pretty sure he knows I like him. Although I've never said it outright. He's quite well off so I think girls go after him in general.

Reply 7

scriberg

from what you've said, im sensing a "try before you buy" situation

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by scriberg

from what you've said, im sensing a "try before you buy" situation

What do you mean? Lol

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

My best friend thinks he likes me. But not that much so is hoping to keep me as a possible partner should he get to late thirties and realise he hasn't met anyone he wants to marry and then he has a safety net! Charming! Do guys actually do that? Lol

Reply 10

scriberg

Original post by Anonymous

What do you mean? Lol

it feels like he wanted to get close to you but didn't want to suck you into a relationship, and now he doesn't want to let go of the small chance he has with you

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by scriberg

it feels like he wanted to get close to you but didn't want to suck you into a relationship, and now he doesn't want to let go of the small chance he has with you