Have I been raped?

So basically ive known this guy for a quite a while. He's related to my cousin so I've met him when I was younger.

We were texting quite a lot afterwards I thought he was a lovely guy. He said he wants me to go to his house. So I did and we ended up doing things sexual. He was rather pushy though. Then I panicked and ignored him for a while until I was 20. He said he regretted what he did and said sorry. He was around 17 at this time.

We ended up chatting quite a a lot this past year. He said he's changed and wants us to be together. He's liked me since I was younger and wanted sex with me, only problem is he pressured me and forced me into it. One day I thought I can't have him keep going on about it. So we had sex it was ok he made me feel safe and comfortable. It was our both first times afterwards I regretted it and thought I shouldn't of given in. He said he wants to do with me again he explained to me I'm the love of his life and wants us to be together.

Is this rape?

Reply 1

Jo from AVA

Hi

I understand how confusing this must be. If someone pressures you or forces you to have sex, they do not have your consent and this is rape.
Here is some more info on that: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assault

It's good if he genuinely has changed but does he really realise what he did was rape? It's good that he did not force you to have sex this time, but I understand why you may have felt confused afterwards. If you are unhappy about this and do not feel comfortable then you do not have to be with him. If you were the love of his life he would not treat you like that. He seems to talk about sex a lot from what you say and that should not be his main focus.

Only you can decide if you feel safe with him, but if we were to start seeing him, would you ever be able to move on from the fact that he raped you? Would you ever be able to trust him? Rape is a very serious crime and a really traumatic thing to go through which can have long lasting impacts on us in all sorts of ways.

The charity rape crisis are lovely and will be able to help you work through this:
http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
freephone helpline
0808 802 9999
12 - 2.30pm
7 - 9.30pm

I hope this helps.
take care
Jo

Reply 2

Anonymous

I don't quite understand how he doesn't realize what he's done. He's made me not trust men even more now. I'm glad that i didn't see him again. Should I tell him that he raped me? What would the next step me?

Reply 3

Jo from AVA

Unfortunately some people do not understand what rape is, or think that they are entitled to expect sex. Not all men are like this though I promise.
Many people who have been raped find it very hard to trust again but with support you can get through this. I would contact rape crisis and they can give you advice about what to do. I would not speak to him about this at the moment as your safety and well-being is the most important thing.

Have I been raped?

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