I won't have sex until I'm in a relationship!Do I stand a chance in the dating world?

Hello people!

I prefer a bit of more traditional approach to dating and I won't have sex without a commitment and a deep connection. I also like a bit of courtship and romance.

What do you guys think? Do you think I'm being entitled or that I sound dis-empowered? Maybe even needy? I feel like I just know what I want now :smile:

I tried a more modern approach to sex/dating once and it ended up in me getting hurt and feeling used. I realised I'm just not cut out to have sex like that e.g on third date etc. It's not for me but I understand that it works for others

I'll admit I now have a much harder time finding men who are willing to wait and I some ways think I've got a lot of work to find someone who respects this. I've dated many guys so far who were not willing to wait. I've only had one boyfriend in my life because of this and I'm 24. So if you do the maths I've slept with 2 men in my life.

How long would you guys realistically wait? And ladies you too?

Thanks!

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Reply 1

Rum Ham

I am the exact same and I have had no trouble getting into a serious relationship. Some people will be willing to wait until you are comfortable and the relationship develops and others will want sex while just in the dating stage. You aren't doomed. There are plenty of people like you who prefer waiting until they are in a proper relationship before having sex.

Some people will respect your views, other maybe find it silly but it doesn't matter. It might be hit or miss for a whole finding someone who wants the same as you but if it means a lot to you then you shouldn't give up or cave in because you fear you might not meeting someone who wants to wait.

I personally waited about 4 months into my relationship before having sex (done sexual stuff though with him beforehand, just not sex) and I am still with the guy 6 yrs on. He was understanding about waiting. He hinted a lot but never pushed me into anything. He said he would have waited longer if I wasn't ready. If we hadn't been best friends before going out I would have maybe of waited longer but I was already comfortable around him.

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(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 2

TorpidPhil

Meh, it's kind of how I feel too. I'm not really craving sex anytime soon. I think I would regret doing it with someone who I hadn't been with for a few months... "been with" is quite loosely defined though.

Reply 3

Izzyeviel

Sex is sex, it's really nothing special. You'd enjoy it more if you weren't so worried about having a deep connection.

But in the dating world, its best to leave the sex for awhile. Any guy who leaves you because you won't sleep with them after a few dates ain't going to be a keeper anyway. Good way of sorting the wheat from the chaff.

Reply 4

username47781

Nothing wrong with your way, there are still guys out there who much prefer sex in just a relationship, personally I find sex much more fulfilling in a relationship.

Reply 5

Simes

Original post by Anonymous

I prefer a bit of more traditional approach to dating and I won't have sex without a commitment and a deep connection. I also like a bit of courtship and romance.

It is your body and it is up to you.

If you want someone you can relate with before you mate with, that's OK.

Reply 6

Skratch My Itch

This is how I am. That said, I'm a virgin lol.

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Reply 7

Zarek

Original post by Anonymous

As you have said, it's not a popular approach nowadays, if indeed it ever was. For me sex is an important part of getting to know someone and it would seem unnatural to excessively delay ie more than a few successful dates. I don't see this as undermining respect. I guess there are like minded people to be found but it sort of narrows your options and I'm not sure where the best hunting grounds are. But you are right I think that people can end up sleeping with too many people and having a lot of angst if they always rush in - you need to get good at judging who is sound relationship material.

Reply 8

Maid Marian

I feel the same but mainly because I think it would destroy me to sleep with someone and be rejected afterwards/used.

I suppose there's little way around the getting hurt part ... :erm:

Goddamn being human and having social desires, life would feel so much better if I could be happy without needing other people around me.

Reply 9

Abby_W31

Original post by Anonymous

I'm with you on this one, though I am a few years younger and have never had a serious relationship. I'd rather be into something serious before sleeping with someone, don't they call it 'making love' for a reason?
Of course, that's just my thoughts

Reply 10

Andy98

If I know it's the right girl I would wait forever and a day.

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Reply 11

ParadiseFound

It's great that you respect yourself and everything, I just think it might be unusual for men 24 and over to be expected to wait an extended period of time ( 1-2 month + is probably a rarity)

Reply 12

Anonymous #2

Original post by Andy98

If I know it's the right girl I would wait forever and a day.

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*sigh* Why can't more guys be like this ^

Reply 13

Andy98

Original post by Anonymous

*sigh* Why can't more guys be like this ^

Because if all guys were like this, you simply wouldn't like it as much when you find a guy like this :yep:

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Reply 14

Anonymous #2

Original post by Andy98

Because if all guys were like this, you simply wouldn't like it as much when you find a guy like this :yep:

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I didn't say all, I just said more. That way it might be a little easier to find the right guy.

Reply 15

Andy98

Original post by Anonymous

I didn't say all, I just said more. That way it might be a little easier to find the right guy.

Pro tip: look at the quiet guy. The quiet guy, the friend that's always been there, odds are that he has a mahoosive crush on you but is scared that telling you will scare you off

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Reply 16

Anonymous #2

Original post by Andy98

Whilst an excellent tip, for it to work there would need to be a quiet guy that I have known a while....

Reply 17

Andy98

Original post by Anonymous

Whilst an excellent tip, for it to work there would need to be a quiet guy that I have known a while....

Well yeah

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Reply 18

Iggy Azalea

Depends really. I don't enjoy hooking up and sleeping around as it's unhealthy and just leads to awkward situations later on.

In my experience, asking a guy to wait is a bit of downer. What I like to do is flirt and charm my date, but kindly reject any proposal for sex. Most people love a tease and they end up chasing you. If they don't, then you'll know their motives weren't good in the first place. Anyways, if you decide to get into a relationship with them, it's on your terms and so they feel grateful for any affection you give them, even just kissing.

Reply 19

ParadiseFound

Original post by Anonymous

*sigh* Why can't more guys be like this ^

It's in our biology to think about sex a ridiculous amount, think a stallion on heat. As such, lots of men do everything in their power to get it with the least input.