The Student Room Group

Medicine and marriage/relationship

does it work?
is anyone here studying medicine and managing a relationship, I mean a serious one.. that could lead to marriage? Is it hard or I this just me imagining a crazy world of a medic student, who can't seem to handle social aspects of life well enough.

For real though, and are the chances of forming a relationship with a med student higher, or do you prefer non-medic partners?

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Don't worry about it at all. You'll get enough time to have plenty of relationships and doctors are sensible people that can manage long-distance relationships for a few months or so which you may have to do when you move around.

I personally prefer non-medic partners, they're better looking somehow...
Reply 2
Original post by Adipoptosis
Don't worry about it at all. You'll get enough time to have plenty of relationships and doctors are sensible people that can manage long-distance relationships for a few months or so which you may have to do when you move around.

I personally prefer non-medic partners, they're better looking somehow...


haha! It must be hard though surely, and I think I would prefer non medic partners too, probably stop me from going crazy. Also, when it comes to marriage, two doctors married, how would it be possible, it sounds pretty impossible, how do people make this work?! I mean with kids later on, I think I am thinking ahead but still..
Original post by Science100
does it work?
is anyone here studying medicine and managing a relationship, I mean a serious one.. that could lead to marriage? Is it hard or I this just me imagining a crazy world of a medic student, who can't seem to handle social aspects of life well enough.

For real though, and are the chances of forming a relationship with a med student higher, or do you prefer non-medic partners?


Several students in my year have gotten married (not to eachother) over the course of med school so far. So of course it's possible and doable - doctors have needs too.

It can be made more difficult yeah, due to moving around every few years for training and the unpredictable nature of being a junior doctor, but it's definitely possible.

I'm not sure whether I'd prefer to be with a medic or a non-medic. Both have their advantages - but overall I think I'd prefer to be with a non-medic at the moment, simply because it would be more interesting to hear about their life and how different it is. Though in all honesty I'm not particularly fussed either way.

Original post by Adipoptosis

I personally prefer non-medic partners, they're better looking somehow...


The girls on the arts floor of the uni library :sexface:
Reply 4
Original post by Democracy
Several students in my year have gotten married (not to eachother) over the course of med school so far. So of course it's possible and doable - doctors have needs too.

It can be made more difficult yeah, due to moving around every few years for training and the unpredictable nature of being a junior doctor, but it's definitely possible.

I'm not sure whether I'd prefer to be with a medic or a non-medic. Both have their advantages - but overall I think I'd prefer to be with a non-medic at the moment, simply because it would be more interesting to hear about their life and how different it is. Though in all honesty I'm not particularly fussed either way.



The girls on the arts floor of the uni library :sexface:


and what are the non-medics views on medics? I mean don't they think you are generally "the nerds who should be avoided when it comes to relationships"? Lol I mean yes you can be attracted, but it is different from a non-medics point of view. specially if you are a female, don't guys feel intimidated by a smarter girl hahaa
Original post by Science100
haha! It must be hard though surely, and I think I would prefer non medic partners too, probably stop me from going crazy. Also, when it comes to marriage, two doctors married, how would it be possible, it sounds pretty impossible, how do people make this work?! I mean with kids later on, I think I am thinking ahead but still..


While you're medical students you can spend annoying amounts of time with each other.

While you're junior doctors, you try and get jobs next to each other. If you don't then this is the hardest stage. For about 2-4 years you might be away from each other for a while. Either you will get separated or you will make it work.

While you're in speciality training or once you've completed training, you will have to agree on a mutually acceptable location and both get jobs in that area. It isn't hard to do unless both of you are budding cardiologists, which is extremely unlikely since no one can stand cardiologists, especially cardiologists. More than often, one is a GP, so they can get employment easily. There's also locum work in all areas. So basically you start having your kids once you reach this stage.

Trust me, lots of people make it work.

For non-medic partners, its usually pretty easy as long as you partner doesn't work in something like financial services where they HAVE to be in London. In fact this very situation has created a very interesting past few months for me personally lol. Even then though, its only the training stage of 2-4 years thats a big problem. The rest of it is not too bad. I don't think its a problem bigger than most professional jobs.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Science100
and what are the non-medics views on medics? I mean don't they think you are generally "the nerds who should be avoided when it comes to relationships"? Lol I mean yes you can be attracted, but it is different from a non-medics point of view. specially if you are a female, don't guys feel intimidated by a smarter girl hahaa


I haven't ever gotten that impression - we are hardly the nerdiest group of people on campus anyway.

I most certainly do not feel intimidated by a smart(er) girl - intelligence is very attractive :wink:
Original post by Democracy

The girls on the arts floor of the uni library :sexface:


Init though!!! I keep thinking I should have done classics or latin or something silly like that.
Reply 8
I'm married, have three (5, 3 & 1) children and a 4th year medic. It is definitely possible :smile:
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 9
Original post by Pertie
I'm married, have three children and a 4th year medic. It is definitely possible :smile:


how do you do it?!?!?!?! I respect you for this :smile: And you are female? But seriously, how do you do it? I don't imagine myself ever being in a relationship and with an on medic HOW WOULD IT WORK. It's not exactly always a 9 to 5 is it :/
Life as a medical student can get very hectic sometimes. I struggled a lot at first but then I learned a couple of things. First of all, you need to have excellent time management skills. You don't have to give up on your social life or your hobbies. There's always time for those. When I first started medicine, I gave up on my hobbies and exercise, and my grades and well-being suffered a lot as a consequence. I then thought that the sooner I learn how to manage my time, the easier life will become for now and for the future. Medicine is a very very demanding career, so better learn how to manage your time early on. Don't ever quit doing what you like.
You can also form very meaningful and fulfilling relationships. However, I am not sure how successful relationships with non-medics can be. I know several med students who are in relationships with non-medics but I think their partners have to be very understanding and very patient. (Medicine isn't the most flexible of fields and some of your personal freedom/free time will definitely be compromised). As for balancing family/career later on, this depends on the specialty you choose (dermatology or endocrinology vs cardiology or surgery for example).
Reply 11
Original post by Decorpi12
Life as a medical student can get very hectic sometimes. I struggled a lot at first but then I learned a couple of things. First of all, you need to have excellent time management skills. You don't have to give up on your social life or your hobbies. There's always time for those. When I first started medicine, I gave up on my hobbies and exercise, and my grades and well-being suffered a lot as a consequence. I then thought that the sooner I learn how to manage my time, the easier life will become for now and for the future. Medicine is a very very demanding career, so better learn how to manage your time early on. Don't ever quit doing what you like.
You can also form very meaningful and fulfilling relationships. However, I am not sure how successful relationships with non-medics can be. I know several med students who are in relationships with non-medics but I think their partners have to be very understanding and very patient. (Medicine isn't the most flexible of fields and some of your personal freedom/free time will definitely be compromised). As for balancing family/career later on, this depends on the specialty you choose (dermatology or endocrinology vs cardiology or surgery for example).


by time management can you give me examples?
I am definitely going to be studying medicine in a few months as I have an unconditional. (Gap year)
I am really worried, its so different from college obv, and its like being pushed in at the deep end in my head. How will I cope?!?!? lol
I mean I wasn't exactly good at time management or organisation even during college :/ And I know, it can be hard and must be harder for females. I hope this isn't restricting from pursuing a speciality of my choice.. do you reckon it is? I mean say females increasingly choosing general practice as its easier for a family life.. idk :P
Original post by Science100
by time management can you give me examples?
I am definitely going to be studying medicine in a few months as I have an unconditional. (Gap year)
I am really worried, its so different from college obv, and its like being pushed in at the deep end in my head. How will I cope?!?!? lol
I mean I wasn't exactly good at time management or organisation even during college :/ And I know, it can be hard and must be harder for females. I hope this isn't restricting from pursuing a speciality of my choice.. do you reckon it is? I mean say females increasingly choosing general practice as its easier for a family life.. idk :P


Don't stress about it. Don't think about it in those terms - "how will I cope?" because this isn't like surviving a famine or a war. Its just turning up to some lectures, ward rounds and reading some books. You will be fine.
Reply 13
Yes, I'm female! It's not always easy but my husband is supportive& we make it work. I have to be super organised, work very hard when I'm in clinics. And I don't sleep very much! But take it one step at a time, don't worry too much about problems that don't yet exist :smile:
I have a non mecic bf outside my city and we're coping fine. He understands I have a lot of work so we skype a lot.

If I do marry, I will rather a non medic as I like variety and medics can get boring after a while...
Doctors do have a higher divorce rate than average.

But anecdotally I know plenty of people who have had serious relationships during med school, a few who married while still students and many more who've got married since. Quite a number have medic partners, and it does cause difficulties with jobs etc, but people find ways of coping.

I got together with my now husband towards the end of my 4th year of med school (6 year course), having had a 2-year relationship prior to that. For the first two years of our relationship we were long-ish-distance as he (non-medic) was working in finance in London and I was still at uni in Cambridge, so we only saw each other at weekends. It was hard work, especially when I was away on placement, as I'd be away in DGH-land all week, come back to Cambridge Friday evening, pack and go straight to London, then get back from London on Sunday night, ready to head off to DGH on Monday again. I lived out of a suitcase for most of my 6th year! We moved in together after I graduated and I got an FY1 job in London, ended up staying there for 5 years. We moved out of London 6 months ago to start my registrar post, and he's got a job not too far away, so it's all worked out pretty well for us! My husband doesn't really understand what I do, (quote from him "But looking after ICU patients must be quite easy, because they're just asleep and not doing much") and is really squeamish so I can't discuss a lot of things with him, but he understands the demands on my time and how emotionally draining it can sometimes be.

Med school is tough, but contrary to some people's belief, you don't have to be an antisocial hermit to get through it.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Helenia
Doctors do have a higher divorce rate than average.

But anecdotally I know plenty of people who have had serious relationships during med school, a few who married while still students and many more who've got married since. Quite a number have medic partners, and it does cause difficulties with jobs etc, but people find ways of coping.

I got together with my now husband towards the end of my 4th year of med school (6 year course), having had a 2-year relationship prior to that. For the first two years of our relationship we were long-ish-distance as he (non-medic) was working in finance in London and I was still at uni in Cambridge, so we only saw each other at weekends. It was hard work, especially when I was away on placement, as I'd be away in DGH-land all week, come back to Cambridge Friday evening, pack and go straight to London, then get back from London on Sunday night, ready to head off to DGH on Monday again. I lived out of a suitcase for most of my 6th year! We moved in together after I graduated and I got an FY1 job in London, ended up staying there for 5 years. We moved out of London 6 months ago to start my registrar post, and he's got a job not too far away, so it's all worked out pretty well for us! My husband doesn't really understand what I do, (quote from him "But looking after ICU patients must be quite easy, because they're just asleep and not doing much") and is really squeamish so I can't discuss a lot of things with him, but he understands the demands on my time and how emotionally draining it can sometimes be.

Med school is tough, but contrary to some people's belief, you don't have to be an antisocial hermit to get through it.



What kind of registrar are you?
Original post by Adipoptosis
What kind of registrar are you?


Anaesthetics ST3
Reply 18
I did first year of medicine and I don't see how other people manage it. That's all. Plus, patients put me off people so much, I decided I would rather be a researcher than a doctor lol.

On a more serious note, I have a lot of doctors in my family and most of them manage just fine but my aunt still can't. It just depends on the person.
Original post by Helenia
Anaesthetics ST3


Awesome :smile:

Im always in awe of you guys. Being able to cannulate unseen, un-feelable forearm veins is a talent I would give a lot to possess!
(edited 9 years ago)