Don't want disabled friend to be bridesmaids as she will ruin the photos

I personally think that the bride should be making whatever choice she wants about who gets to bridesmaid. We may not like her reasons, but I respect her power to act on them in this situation. Personally, I think that it is immature of the friend not to appreciate the aesthetic difficulties of her condition just as much as it is immature for the bride to exclude her from the picture.

Reply 41

Chris22

13

Exceptionally callous and cruel, but it is her decision. It would be exceptionally horrible if she is just left out and everyone else is included. Everyone's saying don't go/confront her, but it's up to you. It certainly would be right to say you disagree with her decision (if you feel that way), but you can't start dictating who or who is not a part of her wedding.

Of course you could break off your friendship or refuse to attend if you feel that strongly about it. Really, how you approach the situation and your decision depends on how strongly you feel about it,

Reply 42

the bear

20

When Prince William and Princess Kate got married one of the bridesmaids was disabled.

Reply 43

ijc1

10

omg your friend is a bitch

Reply 44

UpInTheMorning

10

Original post by VannR

I personally think that the bride should be making whatever choice she wants about who gets to bridesmaid. We may not like her reasons, but I respect her power to act on them in this situation.

That is an incredibly cold-hearted and myopic opinion.

I, too, respect the bride's power, ultimately, to decide who are her bridesmaids: I'm not saying, for example, that it should be illegal to not let Sophie be one. What I am saying is that that would be a very shallow, hurtful thing to do and, just as the bride has the right to choose her bridesmaids, Sophie has the right to choose her friends, and if the bride really does leave her out like this, she probably shouldn't be friends with someone like that when they clearly have no interest in reciprocating the friendship.

Original post by VannR

Personally, I think that it is immature of the friend not to appreciate the aesthetic difficulties of her condition just as much as it is immature for the bride to exclude her from the picture.

That's a horrible thing to say. "Sophie" is probably painfully aware of her "aesthetic difficulties," it's just that unlike the line-up for a photograph, she can't really do much about them. How would you feel if someone you had considered a friend excluded you because they thought you were ugly? Would you tell yourself you were being "immature"?

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 45

uberteknik

21

Original post by VannR

Personally, I think that it is immature of the friend not to appreciate the aesthetic difficulties of her condition just as much as it is immature for the bride to exclude her from the picture.

Her disabled friend will know only too well the prejudice and pathetic shallow attitudes she faces every day of her life without having her best friend rubbing her face in it as well.

Sure the bride-to-be can pick anyone she wants to be a bridesmaid and everyone she picked must ask themselves if they want to associate themselves with this bigot for the sake of vanity.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 46

iAmanze

18

Let's be real here. Her day, her way.

She wants to have perfect photos and thinks a disability is an imperfection and consequently does not want her in the photos is a valid reason. It's not nice when we think of emotions and yes she is quite rude to do so but on her wedding day, her emotions are the most important. If that's what she wants then that's what she wants.

P.S - In no way am I trying to say she should, but rather she can.

Reply 47

User1214833

16

Original post by reallydontknow

She can do what she likes it's her wedding.

She has no obligation to invite anybody and she can have any reason not to invite somebody.

Gonna get flamed for this but oh well.

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Yes and we can judge her for having such a disgusting attitude if we like.

What will happen if one of her children has a disability?

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 48

yo radical one

6

Unless it was literally my sister, I would boycott the wedding and never talk to the person again

Original post by Anonymous

When somebody spends thousands of pounds on a wedding, they want everything to be perfect. It's up to the bride and groom at the end of the day. There's often trouble and arguments about the guest list for one reason or another. When I get married, there's a family member I wouldn't have as a bridesmaid because she won't ever smile and I wouldn't want her ruining the pics. It sounds mean but I can sort-of understand the bride's issue here. Obviously this will affect friendships and the bride will have to accept that as a consequence.

The bride has every right to decide who she has and does not have, as her bridesmaid and everyone else in her life has the right to judge her as a decent person...or otherwise.

Reply 49

reallydontknow

11

Original post by qwertyking

Yes and we can judge her for having such a disgusting attitude if we like.

Of course you can. But to all the people saying I'd do this to her and and do that. That's wrong.

You can refuse to go, or not be friends, but doing anything physical would be wrong.

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Reply 50

beyknowles

3

Sophie is a legend hahah.

Reply 51

Andy98

20

Sophie should punch the bride to be in the face. I mean I've heard of wedding fever but that's just mean

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Reply 52

reallydontknow

11

Original post by Andy98

Sophie should punch the bride to be in the face. I mean I've heard of wedding fever but that's just mean

Posted from TSR Mobile

Things like this are just as disgraceful. She has no right to do anything of the sort because it is her wedding and she can do as she please s whether you or anybody else likes it or not.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 53

rad_student

2

Wow what a ME, ME, ME attitiude, wonder if she thinks she will be upstaged? I wonder if her friendships will outlast the marriage? Or will YOU be the next one left out?!

Maybe Indian weddings (& get together) attitudes are different, but if I had a disabled friend I would make sure he was extra taken care of.
Some compromise suggestions:
In this case I could use this as an excuse to have a make-up artist on-site for some top-ups, with prepared instructions to help him discreetly. Or have other friends work altogether with advice/make-up fun experiment so that at least on the day that friend knows they won't stand out & are inclusive. A joy shared is a joy doubled.

Anyway you can maybe enhance her looks, to go with "I actually think she is quite glamorous and very stylish"? That way the friend being there as a bridesmaid, will be good for bridezilla in the long run & BOTH may appreciate your insistence. :biggrin:

Reply 54

Mankytoes

10

Original post by reallydontknow

She can do what she likes it's her wedding.

She has no obligation to invite anybody and she can have any reason not to invite somebody.

Gonna get flamed for this but oh well.

I really hate this culture where the bride is a "princess" and has the right to act like a total selfish ****. Maybe her husband will wait until she's asleep on their wedding night, then invite a load of prostitutes into the next room and have an orgy. Well, it's his wedding, he can do what he likes.

A ****** is a ******, no matter what day they are a ******.

Reply 55

_Charlotte15

17

Original post by Anonymous

Just looking for thoughts and opinions on anything related to this thread as I'm feeling quite disturbed by it all.

My friend is getting married in July and everyone presumed our mutual friend would be bridesmaid with us as we are all a close group of friends. I introduced the bride to my disabled friend, let's called her 'Sophie' a few years ago and considered that we were all friends.

Sophie has a disability which causes growths under her skin. This has disfigured her face slightly and means she has difficulty walking but doesn't need a wheelchair. Despite this I actually think she is quite glamorous and very stylish.

However my friend who is getting married has informed me that Sophie isn't being invited to be bridesmaid. She says she does consider her a good friend but because of her disfigurment she will ruin the photos. She said she will have to explain her disability to everyone who looks at the pictures and she will stand out like a sore thumb. Also, as she finds it difficult to walk, she will disrupt the procession into the church. She wants everything to be perfect andi she will not fit into that. She said she doesn't exoect everyone who attends to be gorgeous. Just not have a very visible disability for the pictures!!!

Now i just told her that I think those things don't matter but didn't insult her or get into an argument and I reckon somehow she thinks I am sympathetic to her cause!!

Is itjust just be or is this really horrible? What are your thoughts on this and how I should handle it? I dont know if I should stay friends.

she knows I'm not the sort of person to repeat what she has told me and has invited Sophie to the wedding but not the wedding party. She will make an excuse as to why Sh can't be bridesmaid

That's awful is the bride really that self absorbed that she won't let one of her close friends be her bridesmaids. Her priorities are all wrong.

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Reply 56

Anonymous #7

Original post by Anonymous

Just looking for thoughts and opinions on anything related to this thread as I'm feeling quite disturbed by it all.

My friend is getting married in July and everyone presumed our mutual friend would be bridesmaid with us as we are all a close group of friends. I introduced the bride to my disabled friend, let's called her 'Sophie' a few years ago and considered that we were all friends.

Sophie has a disability which causes growths under her skin. This has disfigured her face slightly and means she has difficulty walking but doesn't need a wheelchair. Despite this I actually think she is quite glamorous and very stylish.

However my friend who is getting married has informed me that Sophie isn't being invited to be bridesmaid. She says she does consider her a good friend but because of her disfigurment she will ruin the photos. She said she will have to explain her disability to everyone who looks at the pictures and she will stand out like a sore thumb. Also, as she finds it difficult to walk, she will disrupt the procession into the church. She wants everything to be perfect andi she will not fit into that. She said she doesn't exoect everyone who attends to be gorgeous. Just not have a very visible disability for the pictures!!!

Now i just told her that I think those things don't matter but didn't insult her or get into an argument and I reckon somehow she thinks I am sympathetic to her cause!!

Is itjust just be or is this really horrible? What are your thoughts on this and how I should handle it? I dont know if I should stay friends.

she knows I'm not the sort of person to repeat what she has told me and has invited Sophie to the wedding but not the wedding party. She will make an excuse as to why Sh can't be bridesmaid

Your friend is a total bitch who doesn't undestand what a 'friend' is. Presumably if something awful happens to you before the wedding that makes you look wrong you would find yourself no longer a bridesmaid. I'm not sure how you should handle it but my reaction would be to wonder how true a friend this person was to me either. I might actually ask the question: "what if I am in an accident before the wedding and am on crutches and have a bandage on my face, will I stll be a bridesmaid"? If no - tell her where to get off. If yes - tell her she needs to ask Sophie then. Or, I might just decline being a bridesmaid in solidarity.

Reply 57

Kerrias

13

I think I'm missing something as I've never been married myself, but surely a wedding should be about celebrating your love and commitment to your future husband/wife with all the people that you love, the "coming together" of two families and friendship groups and sharing a special day.

If your friend cares more about pretty photos than all this, then it bodes well for her marriage. I'd rather have good memories of a day than good photos of a day. Basically if she would rather have a "perfect" photo to look at in the future, instead of looking back in the future and remember having all her friends with her enjoying themselves, she is a very shallow person.

If she is willing to treat 'Sophie' in such an awful way because she doesn't want her disability 'ruining' the photos', whereas for me not having my friends by my side as bridesmaids to share and celebrate this special day with me would sooner ruin my experience of the day than an "imperfect" photo she probably won't even look at that often in ten years time, but if she is willing to be so horrid to this friend, what's to say she won't treat you similarly one day. She's obviously very callous and cares little for her "friends".

In any case it is unlikely the disability will 'ruin' any photos. Not everyone is as shallow and discriminatory as her, most people will see the photos, which are usually edited by the photographers anyway, and not really care that one of the bridesmaids has a visible disability. It is only her who would particularly take issue with this.

People saying it is her right to choose who she wants as her bridesmaids, this is true and nobody is suggesting you force her to ask Sophie to be a bridesmaid, but it is your right too to choose not to associate yourself with such a vain person, who will go on to be a terrible friend to you too