Person I hate from school is in the same university as me: ADVICE NEEDED

Background: The person in question is someone who I've known since year 7. We weren't really friends, more like acquaintances as school progressed. Around halfway through secondary school we had an extremely deep feud (over stupid stuff to be honest) and we literally became enemies. This hatred/feud between each other ended with a physical fight between us in school, leading to us both getting suspended for a short period of time.

After the fight, we never spoke to eachother and continued our hatred/feud, but more subtly. This person then wriggled their way into stealing most of my friends from this time onwards. There was a lot of tension between us on social media websites, with other people instigating. When we both went to sixth form together (how unfortunate) this feud had calmed down a considerable amount, but the underlying hatred was still there.

Fast forward: we both ended up firming the same university (****s sake), which is a top 10 VERY prestigious uni. We both decided last summer to properly end our feud and become friends because we were potentially going to the same university and what happened in the past was stupid and we had to move on. We both ended up getting into said university, and this is where my problem has started.

Now: I really can't stand this person even though we're friends. I thought I could move on and forget about what happened in the past and let go of my hatred, but I just can't. Now whilst at university, we kind of share the friendship network/the type of people he's friends with are the type of people I'm friends with, so our mutual links overlap. I really don't like this because I'm still scarred from secondary school when this person had basically stolen all my friends. I also can't stand being in the same environment with this person, in terms of space. When I go out on nights out and see this person it practically kills my mood. When I see this person on social networking websites it kills my mood. Everything about her/him kills my mood, essentially.

Now I'm in a dilemma, the university I'm currently in is perfect for me. I'm thinking about transferring but the course I'm in is really competitive and it's in a top 10 university, so my alternative options are limited as not many other top 10 university does it, so I don't know what to do.

What would you do if you were in my position? Would you just suck it up and spend the rest of university not completely happy, or would you act upon it and pursue a transfer and be completely happy?

I'm really stuck, it's effecting me to a point where my mental well-being is getting messed up, but the university and course is so good and is practically perfect for me. This is so annoying, please advise me.

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Reply 1

TorpidPhil

Who won the fight?

Can't have been the guy complaining about their high school nemesis being at their uni via TSR could it? Could it???

Reply 2

carlaraptor

I empathise, but it's pretty ridiculous that you're letting another person get to you to the point that you'd consider transferring. You're in a prestigious university, one that you apparently really enjoy - so don't let another person ruin that for you!

What happened is in the past. For your own sanity, you need to let it go.

I had someone in secondary school bully me, years later we lived in the same city... and I didn't carry that hurt with me, because we were stupid kids. By that point we were both different people, and had grown up. Move on, dude.

Reply 3

Tom_Ford

Tbh, in your situation I would try and harm his life and those he cares about (through legal means of course). Just for kicks and giggles, I would want to make his life as unsettled as possible. But hey, I am a pretty ****ed up character and not a model to follow.

Reply 4

MaseratiJay

Quite honestly you need to suck it up, and I don't use that phrase normally but these are exceptional circumstances.

So this person 'stole your friends' and you're going to let them have that kind of affect on you and actually transfer University. Please don't be so dramatic.

You've said you're both friends now etc, you will need to just move on from it all.

Better still get a new set of friends and try not to frequent the places he/she goes.

Look how big Uni is and you're going to transfer/thinking of transferring because of ONE HUMAN BEING. Please stop.

Reply 5

Tom_Ford

Original post by MaseratiJay

Nah, I honestly think the only way to feel better from these scenarios is to try to inflict as much mental damage, professional damage, social damage as possible... just damage. It's very therapeautic.

Reply 6

stargirl63

tbh, universities are so big that you may not even bump into them, so I wouldn't worry.

Reply 7

Roving Fish

My initial reaction is to get over it.

You're at uni and you're going into a world where you will dislike people. Be tactful about seeing them and... forget about the past?

You don't have to bump into them, you may, but you can just - y'know - ignore them? :hmmm:

Reply 8

kieran101090

Original post by Anonymous

Well u can love the person so u never have to hate him/her

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 9

'Ello Dave!

In before OP makes a friend on his course, has a bitter feud with them in the 2nd year and they both end up in the same research group at post-grad. Awaiting another thread in 3 years.

Reply 10

crazystudent321

Original post by Anonymous

What would you do if you were in my position? Would you just suck it up and spend the rest of university not completely happy, or would you act upon it and pursue a transfer and be completely happy?

I'm really stuck, it's effecting me to a point where my mental well-being is getting messed up, but the university and course is so good and is practically perfect for me. This is so annoying, please advise me.

I would suck it up and go to the university. As you said, the 'feud' died down to just silent hatred in 6th form. Things like this will die out completely as you get older, the transition to university from 6th form is huge, and a teenage dispute may not affect you at all when the time comes, as you'll be meeting loads of new people and adjusting to a new way of life.

You also mentioned you've been accepted into one of the top 10 uni's, this usually means you are going to a very large university, so the chances of you 'meeting' randomly are very slim.

As you said, the uni and course is perfect for you. I wouldn't let something like this get in the way of your education.

Reply 11

username1494226

Ignorance may be the best tool in this. Just go your seperate paths and leave it at that really. Its no use starting another feud because that would accomplish nothing and youre hopefully two mature people. Just ignore the kid from now on, if they ask why be honest and tell them you just want to get on with your own business and stuff

Reply 12

AnharM

Why don't you just grow up and move on? You two are both adults now, what happened in the past when both of you were young and immature shouldn't trouble you now. **** happens when you're young, in fact, you can build a strong friendship after a feud. Just man up and tell him how you feel about the past, and make him understand that it still kills you inside, and maybe then will he properly apologise and you can forgive him.

Reply 13

JC.

Throughout life you WILL meet dickheads. That's a fact.
You just need to learn to tolerate them and how to keep them at arms length.

Reply 14

muf_mur

This is your time!! **** his life up!!

Reply 15

xoxAngel_Kxox

When I started uni, I found out that a girl from my year who has been vile to me since Y7 was also starting, but on a different course. I was living in, she wasn't. Because it can be more difficult for people not living in to make friends and get involved, she sent me a few messages asking me whether she could meet up with me and my friends and go over to the events together.

I replied to her saying that no, she couldn't. Uni was a fresh start for me, and I didn't want to spend any more of my time with the people who made my life unpleasant at high school. This girl pushed me down the stairs for goodness sake, why would I want to spend more time with her! I told her she had to be very careful who she bullied, because you never know what you're going to need them for in the future.

She actually asked me to meet with her face to face, which I did, and she apologised. I appreciated it and accepted it, but still didn't meet with her after that. I managed to make more friends, she could do the same.

EDIT: The point of that post was don't let people who've affected you in the past continue to do so :smile:

Reply 16

emanueladiana

Don't show weakness by moving. Maybe you won't even escape after uni from this person! Better make a hobby of 'returning' his favor. Make his life miserable. May the best man win.

Reply 17

Lashton

If I were you I'd join some societies and start hanging out with other people. As you get older it's natural to move on to different friend groups and not see your old ones so much. You'll be happier, won't have to move to another university and won't have a reason to see this person as often.

I also agree with other posters, there will always be people in your life who you don't get on with. It sucks but that's how it is unfortunately.

Reply 18

MaseratiJay

Original post by Tom_Ford

Or you could just move on?

I don't believe in that to be honest..especially over something so trivial.
The fact that the OP is having a heart attack over something that happened ages ago is quite sad really.

Do you know what would be funny (not to you, but to me) is if OP tried that and then he/she came out worse off.

Reply 19

brendonbackflip

Please don't reject your course just because of this person. If you don't want to see this person, you can quite easily never see them again, even if you're on the same course. Universities are big places, there's lots of people from home at my uni but I haven't seen even half of them anywhere.
If you really wanna maximise your chance of not seeing this person without doing something stupid like not going onto your course, pick different halls to them. But I wouldn't do anything else. You'll regret not going to this university just because of 1 person.