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Making all the effort

I've always been a really un-confident person and throughout college had few friends, I was just the tag along. Since coming to uni, I have made a few friends, who I get on really well with. The problem is that it feels like I'm the only one making an effort. I'm always the one to suggest going out/meeting up etc. I wouldn't mind, as I want to be sociable.

However, I have just found out that that a few of my friends have arranged to go out tonight; I thought we were all going to meet up; but they didn't bother to tell me the plans.

Why? Do you think I'm just being paranoid? Or do they not want me around?

Oh, and I've kind of just invited myself along tonight, I don't want to be left out.

Reply 1

dh00001

being as you always aranging to go out etc are you sure you didnt suggest going out tonight? they might have taken it as you arranging it ans so you know? :confused:

Reply 2

*starry_eyed_*

i haven't spoken to anyone this week, so no.

Reply 3

dh00001

oh right well in that case thats quite ****ty, why dont you ask when it was arranged or sumut and try and find out why you wernt told. it may have been a simple mistake

Reply 4

wiwarin_mir

*starry_eyed_*

i haven't spoken to anyone this week, so no.

Maybe you are overwhelming your friends. You said you had been making an effort to be sociable, maybe you are trying too hard.

Reply 5

*starry_eyed_*

thats what I fear. But I don't have a large group of friends, and don't want to be in on my own!

Reply 6

lasttoiletroll

aww just go out with them and have a good night - it's still fairly early days in terms of securing uni friendships so just keep trying. some people have it easier than others and it comes more naturally them when it comes to making good buddies, whereas others have to make more of an effort sadly.

Reply 7

wiwarin_mir

*starry_eyed_*

thats what I fear. But I don't have a large group of friends, and don't want to be in on my own!

Try letting them do their own thing every now and then without organising anything or tagging along. If you have always been there when they have gone out and you are the one who always decides what to do/where to go, they might want a break from that. Don't take it as them not liking you or anything, as I am sure they don't.
Sometimes people do just want to chill and do nothing at home, rather than always go out. Get a good book, find yourself a good game to play or just watch TV for a night. Sometimes it is good to stay in on your own, it can be very relaxing.

Reply 8

*starry_eyed_*

Oh the irony of it. Before uni I very rarely went out and spent most nights in on my own. Here though, I just end up getting depressed. I will get the balance right eventually! I hope!

Reply 9

Rachey

Maybe they didnt mean to leave you out. Sometimes when everything's getting organised, people tend to forget to invite a certain person but usually are more than happy to include them once its been pointed out. Well, in my experience anyway! What was their reaction when you asked to come along? Were they welcoming or a bit weird about it?

Reply 10

wiwarin_mir

*starry_eyed_*

Oh the irony of it. Before uni I very rarely went out and spent most nights in on my own. Here though, I just end up getting depressed. I will get the balance right eventually! I hope!

Go out with your friends some nights, but don't always expect to go out when they do. If you always make sure you are out with them, they may start viewing you as someone who tags along and isn't really part of their group. As I said, just cut down on organising things for a while, maybe just do something once or twice a week. If your friends are going out without you organising it, don't automatically go with them, wait to be invited. It will make you seem a lot better and they may start including you in their plans.

Reply 11

welshandy

yep dont worry about it... i was kinda in the same position.. i didnt get on with my flatmates but id met this group of people on the first night from a different house and for the first 3 weeks it seemed like i was texting almost every day asking whats going on.. and every day i was pretty much getting everyone together... started thinking i was annoying everyone but now they've thanked me for it and we all get on really well

Reply 12

*starry_eyed_*

now i'm confused. I don't know whether I should go tonight. Itext one of the guys, and he told me the time and everything, but no enthusiasm really. Then the other girl had said she was meeting at 7, so could have a game of pool. Dammit I don't know what to do.

Reply 13

Princess_Peach

Chill. Offer yourself as available and wait for the offers.

Do the organsing once per fortnight.

Reply 14

tomHHHH

or dont plan everything like that and go out tongiht with that person dont be upset there is no enthusiam in a text message lol

some people worry to much

Reply 15

*starry_eyed_*

dont be upset there is no enthusiam in a text message lol

lol i'm not concerned about that, i'm not that paranoid! :p:

some people worry to much

true but I've never been the social type, so i have a right to worry when things like this happen yes? :redface:

Reply 16

she

don't worry about it and everything will fall into place eventually :smile:

Reply 17

she

and I've never been the social typ eeither, so why and force something you're not really "good" at. (sorry, that's not meant to sound nasty). Instead of seeing yourself as lonely er, see yourself as independent, at least that's what I do.

Reply 18

*starry_eyed_*

hehe no offence taken :p:

i agree with what you're saying..i just don't see independent as a person who can't stand to be on her own and ends up feeling depressed whenever i am alone..even if i have work to do!