Diary of a psychotic student.

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Um, I don't really know what to say.
Was there a reason you made this post; is there something you need or want or anything?

I hope you have some sort of support network around you.

x

Reply 2

Misogynist

Sounds terrible, but nothing you can do about it.

Reply 3

tiger_lily06

God, I'm so sorry. Has this mental imbalance always been present or has something happened to mess your head up?

Reply 4

MaryKay

tiger_lily06

God, I'm so sorry. Has this mental imbalance always been present or has something happened to mess your head up?

I'm assuming that you have a diagnosis for your illness, Hazarding a guess it's(I will not post it here), I hope that Student Welfare Org is aware of your illness, you probably need your meds to be re-jigged, you must speak to somebody--personal-tutor, also there should be e lecturer in your Dept who has responsibility for "vulnerable students", try not to fall behind with your work , people will help ypou but they must be made aware that you are suffering intrusive symptoms connected to your illness.

Please seek help you should not feelthat you are alone. :knuddel:

Reply 5

Shockley

Wow. I don't mean to be insensitive but that sounds like a really good idea for a book. You could write about your experiences. The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night-Time was a bit like that. I enjoyed reading it, although at times it was heartbreaking.
Keeping a diary of your experiences and reading over it will maybe help put things into perspective, and hopefully give you more confidence to fight the negativity. Good luck.

Reply 6

Ink

I'm sorry as well, and I really wish there was something else I could say or do to help you :frown:

If all you want is to have someone to listen and vent to, well, I am reading and my heart is going out to you.

I am sending virtual hugs your way, and I really hope your condition improves soon.

In the meantime, I agree with Connemara that you should speak to someone, and make sure the correct people at your school are aware of your condition so that they can do what they can to help you and won't think you're just being irresponsible when/if you fall behind.

Reply 7

WorkHouse

Is this a problem you've always had?

Reply 8

Wasabi Tea

Oh God, how awful. Is your psychosis linked to a particular illness at all? I've been told that some of my family members suffered from schizophrenia... it sounds like such a scary thing to have to go through. I often get rather unpleasant intrusive thoughts, but they're nothing like the paranoid delusions and the hallucinations that you've described. When I get these intrusive thoughts, I try to distract myself with something... I don't know if that would work for you due to the severity of your symptoms, but maybe you could give it a try. I'm sorry that I'm unable to give you any better advice. =/

Reply 9

WorkHouse

Wasabi Tea

I'm the same... some members of my family also have the same problem, i'm scared that there maybe some kind of hereditary thing with it. i don't know. can anybody tell me more?

Reply 10

MaryKay

Op, you really must see somebody in College asap, stress is a causative influence in what I suspect is the exacerbation of your symptoms, how about writing down a list of tasks to do per day, eg on Monday visit Student Health,only 1 task per day so you don't feel overwhelmed, good grief starting Uni has caused the most "together" person I know to totally fall apart.

Also don't look at the "big-picture" divide your life into dealable chunks, that will hopefully help you to manage your illness. Good luckxxxx

Reply 11

shinyhappy

Wow, I think its really brave of you to talk so openly about your illness (all be it online.) Its actually very interesting to read about someones experiences; its not something I know a great deal about, so it is fascinating to learn more about it.
I wish you all the luck in the world, and hope you have understanding people to support you whilst you settle in at uni.
And sorry if its a personal question, but I was just curious as to whether your illness had any influence over your decision to study biology?

Reply 12

blot

Thanks for the considerate replies.

Reply 13

white_haired_wizard

blot

Just posted this like a diary. I've got about seven seperate people at uni who now know about what I'm going through, and they do their best to help. I've also got a psychiatric team on my case, and they help a lot. The problem is, when it gets that bad, there's nothing anyone can do to help.

Thanks for the considerate replies.

i feel for you dude, i really do.

thankfully, all i have to put up with (and it´s not even really ´putting up with´, sometimes, quite rarely, are some pretty weird dreams. Mainly involving old school friends who i no longer see...And if i´m in a dorm with people, or staying in a hostel dorm for example, i feel slightly paranoid in the mornings in fear of any potential sleeptalking on my behalf that was overheard. You are kind of aware whether you have done or not, it´s strange really. Also, being a pretty introspective person, personally, a daydreamer and thinker of irrational thoughts, i sometimes think `christ man, i´m thinking all this crazy stuff to myself, in a world of my own, am i actually saying anything out loud, loud enough to be in audible range of the general public...?` I can lose my consciousness completely, and the subconscious takes over, so much so that you don´t feel you´re existing, just floating along in another universe, very surreal.

I know my stuff is incredibly mundane, nothing out-of-the-ordinary, but boy, is the mind a weird thing, quite horrible at times. As soon as i finish travelling, i´ll be relieved to finish my course of malaria, christ that´s been disturbing at times. Involving my teeth being ripped out in my dreams, being bitten by snakes...

anyways, take care dude, just make sure you have that support network out there, when things do take a turn for the worse, or worser...

Reply 14

Janina1986

As everyone has said, it's a terrible illness to have. But I just want to share some experience.. I worked in a mental health hospital for a while and have met many lovely people with similar conditions to yours. They have all been through very rough times, just like you. But with the right support, medication and life style many have managed to live a happy life without letting their illness get in the way. It might be hard to believe now as you are feeling awful at the moment, but you can get through this.. and you can live a life with the good times outweighing the bad times. From what you have discribed, you have lots of support around you.. you are on the right track!!

WorkHouse

I'm the same... some members of my family also have the same problem, i'm scared that there maybe some kind of hereditary thing with it. i don't know. can anybody tell me more?

Although there are many theories, the exact cause of schizophrenia has not been discovered yet. However, there are some studies that suggest the risk of suffering from schizophrenia is higher if a family member has got it. Don't get scared though, the research is on-going and nothing can be said for sure

Reply 15

ScattyMadam

blot

I've just got back to my uni flat, having travelled home for two weeks. I've missed a lot of work, but it couldn't be avoided. You see, I'm mentally ill. One of the major triggers of my illness is stress, and moving away from home and having to meet loads of new people are huge stressors. I suppose it was only a matter of time before my symptoms returned. Well, they did return, and in a bloody big way. It's enough to drive anyone to distraction. I suffer from three different and distinct types of symptoms, although to call them distinct may be incorrect, since once sort often merges with and influences the others. I suffer from;-

1. Auditory hallucinations. They call these voices. They can take many forms. When I'm in my room, I can hear people talking about me and to me. It sounds like someone in the upstairs flat shouting at me with a microphone through the floor. Except that isn't what it is, they are just hallucinations. Sometimes I'll be with people and I'll hear them calling me names. Someone might call me stupid, or mumble "you're gay" under their breath. Again, It's not real. The worst one I've experienced at uni was on my way into a building. I could hear clear voices from an upstairs window saying "here he comes", "so, are you going to hit him in the face?". "Good make sure you hit him hard". "Here he comes, get ready to hit him". I was scared witless to enter the building, but eventually I had to.

2. Paranoia and paranoid delusions. These are great fun. It could be someone followng you around town. You may hear voices compounding the problem by keeping a running commentary on you as you go. You could be convinced someone is about to stab you with a kitchen knife. Whatever it is, it has two things in common. 1. It will be persecutory and 2. it won't be real. I could add 3. it will be terrifying.

3. Thought projection. This is by far the worst. This is to blame for all three of my suicide attempts. This is bloody terrible. Try to imagine if everyone knew what you were thinking. It's your worst nightmare come true. You walk past someone, and think something, like you do. They heard it. Everyone heard it. No one should have to live like this. Everyone in the town you're living in can hear what you're thinking. Nothing is private. It makes you scared to think, but you can't help thinking. Everything you do think can be heard by everyone else around. And the voices return, but this time they have conversations with what you're thinking. What do you do? What can you do? All you can do is go completely nuts, and that's what happens, every time. I might not have got accross quite how much like being tortured in a flaming pit of hell this really is. Suffice to say, it isn't much fun at all.

So that's all the crap I've been dealing with over the past two weeks. My medication hasn't been doing a thing to help. I hope no one else has to go through stuff like this, because there is nothing you can do apart from suffer.

Good night and god bless.
Blot.

It's unusual for people suffering from Psychosis to be able to actually identify their 'symptoms' as being the creation of an illness, rather than an actual reality. You seem familiar with the the clinical aspect of the condition, which hopefully will enable you to seek a medication review through your GP and reassessment if necessary via a Specialist/Psychiatrist. As you're probably aware, avoiding 'stressors' is usually recommended, although it's fair to say that this is often impractical and unrealistic - seek what you know, whether that be your family or somewhere that seems more 'secure' (i.e. a place/person you know well, that can aid putting things in context) and visit your GP, as you may need to build a equitable understanding in order for them to be able to benefit you and your circumstances as much as possible. AVOID cannabis and alcohol, as you well know anti-psychotics and alcohol are not a good combination ... (I've just realised I'm starting to sound like my Mother.... hmmm).

Reply 16

Richy_Boi

The lad has schizophrenia.

Unlucky mate, but the good side is you are aware of it.

Medical research is advancing all the time, just a matter of time before they find an effective treatment.

Reply 17

Richy_Boi

Which accomodation building are you in?

The thing is Blot, you're aware that you're paranoid. Try reassure yourself that you're deluding yourself.

Learn to fight aswell, you won't be as scared of violent.

How you actually been diagnosed?

Stress mixed with booze/drugs can actually produce schizophrenic type symptoms of someone who's not actually permanently ill.

Tell you what happened to me:

Went on a week binge in Europe whilst travelling, well more than a week as I was drinking at Uni beforehand for a few months almost every night (Newcastle).

Anyway, by the end of it I was ultra paranoid, sparked off getting stoned. I walked the streets of Rome on my own, I thought I was being followed. Back at the hostel, I thought everyone was laughing at me, random people I didn't know. On the bus back from Rome, I met an older Italian guy on the bus. I was convinced he was speaking in Italian to take the piss. I heard him on his mobile phone speaking in an English accent.

Wierd as hell. It took a weeks before I got to normal state. I even suspected my family! I have no doubt It was booze related. Honestly thought I was going mental. In hindsight my delusions were stupid. Definatley due to constant being pissed.

Given up getting drunk alot now and have never touched weed since. Uni life is detrimental to health lol.

Edit - Find out what's causing you stress. I quit Uni, as it totally wasn't for me. Been fine since. I actually wondered if I might be ill, but figured it's my personality which leans to the autistic side of things.