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Should I tell him the real reason I don't yet want sex?

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Original post by Anonymous
I don't think your hypothesises are helping the situation XD


Well said! :smile:
Tell him that quite frankly you want to know if he's going to play you or not, if he isn't he will most likely respect your decision and wait but for those whom just look for sex they won't waste their time with one girl for too long, it wouldn't be worth it


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Original post by jakeel1
Lol i'm just covering every ground, if you can dismiss it as nonsense then good, however if my concerns are genuine do so at your own peril :tongue:


People don't just become *ready* to sleep with someone after one conversation... You may see it as covering every ground, but unless we're talking Narnia, I feel your point is somewhat irrelevant. :wink:

Don't mess with me, I have a cold, and I'm not afraid to send a sneeze-bomb :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin:
Original post by Richpeasant
Tell him that quite frankly you want to know if he's going to play you or not, if he isn't he will most likely respect your decision and wait but for those whom just look for sex they won't waste their time with one girl for too long, it wouldn't be worth it


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Yeah cus he'll answer that truthfully.
Original post by jakeel1
Yeah cus he'll answer that truthfully.


You are so cynical, how do you know he won't be truthful?

Ya can't put everyone in a box :mad:
Original post by Anonymous
You are so cynical, how do you know he won't be truthful?

Ya can't put everyone in a box :mad:


Well, to do what the other guy did.

Lets assume he is a player, if he is a player he won't tell you he is a player.
If he is not a player, he will tell you the truth.

How do you determine the difference?

Both the player and not the player will say the same thing.
Original post by jakeel1
Well, to do what the other guy did.

Lets assume he is a player, if he is a player he won't tell you he is a player.
If he is not a player, he will tell you the truth.

How do you determine the difference?

Both the player and not the player will say the same thing.


Uh-huh, and your scientific proof is where?

If someone really just wants to have sex with her, what's stopping them from telling her? Nothing.
The guy I was with told me he just wanted sex straight up, which is why we broke up.
He admitted to being a player :O *shock horror*

People can be honest you know!
Original post by skd1996
You have to kiss a lot of frogs to get your prince.

Take a leap of faith and tell him. The only way you'll find out if he's just another frog, or if he's a prince, is by putting yourself out there.

Wouldn't you prefer to find out sooner rather than later that he wasn't worth your time? Better to know he was another 'frog' before you get completely emotionally invested in him. Similarly, wouldn't you want to know if he was actually a decent guy sooner? That way you don't need to be cautious!


So very true!

I'm definitely going to tell him when I see him tonight. I'm a bit nervous about his reaction because I obviously don't want to find out he's not a nice guy, but as you and others have said, better I find that out sooner rather than later if it is the case!
This is wrong, this is just not right at all. Girls like you are the reason why guys find it so hard to have sex. You should either break it off with him or have sex with him. No point playing these games and withholding sex just for fun and giggles. What's the point in carrying this on if you're not willing to have sex, break if off with him immediately and find another man who isn't interested in sex so you'll both be happy with no sex.

It makes no sense at all to generalise your past experiences to all your future partners and automatically assume that all future partners are like your previous boyfriends. It makes no sense at all. It causes big problems. Just because you had bad experiences before, it doesn't set the tone for what's to come, people are different. Men just want sex, that's all they want, don't forget that, you have every right to deny him that, but make sure to break it off instead of playing with him and stringing him along!

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Original post by Icebaker
This is wrong, this is just not right at all. Girls like you are the reason why guys find it so hard to have sex. You should either break it off with him or have sex with him. No point playing these games and withholding sex just for fun and giggles. What's the point in carrying this on if you're not willing to have sex, break if off with him immediately and find another man who isn't interested in sex so you'll both be happy with no sex.

It makes no sense at all to generalise your past experiences to all your future partners and automatically assume that all future partners are like your previous boyfriends. It makes no sense at all. It causes big problems. Just because you had bad experiences before, it doesn't set the tone for what's to come, people are different. Men just want sex, that's all they want, don't forget that, you have every right to deny him that, but make sure to break it off instead of playing with him and stringing him along!

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Surely making your partner aware of your reservations is a good thing. Honesty is the best policy!

She's not playing him, she's giving him insight, I feel your view is very narrow-minded.
If I were you, I'd tell the guy I am not ready for sex without telling him the real reason. I would study him well and if he breaks off the relationship because I refuse him sex, I'd know he is not different from all the other guys I have dated in the past.
Reply 31
OP I just don't understand the logic. You can't guarantee anything in a relationship as it is. I mean for example this guy your seeing now could be someone who waits but later down the line you move in together and the relationship becomes toxic, it's a possibilty that could happen.

Whenever you move a relationship on you always have take a leap of faith. I mean do whatever you want but remember that somewhere down the line you are taking a risk. Sometimes it will be a good risk you took, sometimes it will be a bad risk. That's life.
Original post by Anonymous
Uh-huh, and your scientific proof is where?

If someone really just wants to have sex with her, what's stopping them from telling her? Nothing.
The guy I was with told me he just wanted sex straight up, which is why we broke up.
He admitted to being a player :O *shock horror*

People can be honest you know!


Scientific proof? You mean like the proof the other guy gave? It's called hypothetical reasoning, look it up.
Original post by cmad95
OP I just don't understand the logic. You can't guarantee anything in a relationship as it is. I mean for example this guy your seeing now could be someone who waits but later down the line you move in together and the relationship becomes toxic, it's a possibilty that could happen.

Whenever you move a relationship on you always have take a leap of faith. I mean do whatever you want but remember that somewhere down the line you are taking a risk. Sometimes it will be a good risk you took, sometimes it will be a bad risk. That's life.


That's true. There's always a possibility that things could go sour, people break up for various reasons, however there's no need for her to think too much into all the possibilities.

OP has addressed the issue at hand. She is primarily worried about him doing a runner after having sex earlier on like previous guys.

If she wants to be extra precautious this time around to prevent being in the same predicament as before, then good on her. I think it's perfectly fine to go about things this way!

He could turnout to be a total prick, **** happens but she is doing what she wants to ensure she isn't hurt for her own reasons. Who knows OP could have decided to take risks with the previous guys and look what ended up happening.

What if she 'takes a risk' and history repeats itself? She would have taken a 'risk' and ended up hurt again. Whereas letting him wait a little longer won't hurt at all.
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 34
Original post by Icebaker
This is wrong, this is just not right at all. Girls like you are the reason why guys find it so hard to have sex. You should either break it off with him or have sex with him. No point playing these games and withholding sex just for fun and giggles. What's the point in carrying this on if you're not willing to have sex, break if off with him immediately and find another man who isn't interested in sex so you'll both be happy with no sex.

It makes no sense at all to generalise your past experiences to all your future partners and automatically assume that all future partners are like your previous boyfriends. It makes no sense at all. It causes big problems. Just because you had bad experiences before, it doesn't set the tone for what's to come, people are different. Men just want sex, that's all they want, don't forget that, you have every right to deny him that, but make sure to break it off instead of playing with him and stringing him along!

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....

Yup. Nail on the hammer that's EXACTLY what we're all after. Sex. Sex sex sex sex sex, that's all it's ever about. What's a relationship? Nah, just play around and have sex, it's in our DNA to have sex with as many girls as possible. We're wired to just have SEX. Emotional connection? Nah, no time for that, got sex to do.

Girl not wanting to have sex? What a waste of time, I want sex, sex is what I live for. Girl not wanting to have sex is no girl worth being with. Why do you not want sex? Sex is everything. Relationship without sex?? What?? I do not understand? Not READY?? Just be nude and I will do thing, ready is when naked. Everyone ready why not you? Why is girl playing about, I just want sex. Why you not give sex? Stop being not ready.

Past experience? I am new experience, new experience is my sex. My sex is different sex to previous sex. I do not care about your emotional past, I just want sex. Don't be silly, I'm not your past relationship that went sour, I'm not the guy who left because you didn't want sex with me, but I want sex and I will leave if I do not have sex. I am different man, but all men want sex.

Yes.


Seriously though OP tell him your reasons, don't give in to this tripe. If he's a decent guy he'll understand and either wait or leave. A relationship isn't built upon sex and it's not what holds it together. I waited for over a year with my last girlfriend, I never pushed it or rushed her decision. I'm not boasting about being 'decent' [[Because that's something you can't self-proclaim to be]] but I can confirm that those worth being with will stick around, the desperate ones will run off, some sly ones may stick around just for that 'reward for waiting', but that slyness will show through other parts of their personality too. If you get along well then things should be fine.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I've been seeing a guy for a few weeks and we've really hit it off. However, I've recently had a couple of bad expériences where things seemed to be going well with a boy, we slept together, and then he ended it. Therefore, even though I feel things with this boy are different, and he assures me he's not just interested for the sex, I'm stil a bit cautious. I've told him I'm cautious but not the reason why; should I make reference to my past expériences? I don't want him to think I'm some crazy, insecure girl, but then I think the honesty might make him feel less 'hurt' when I say I don't yet feel ready.

Any thoughts appreciated. :smile:


You should always feel like you can be open and honest with someone, especially someone you're going to be that close to. If he doesn't understand, his loss.

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