Changes after moving together
I'll soon be moving in with my boyfriend. Probably only for a short time, until I either look for a new room here, or if I end up doing my postgraduate degree in a different city, I will stay with him until October and then move. He used to live with his ex for a very, very long time, whereas I have never before lived with someone else.
I was just wondering, how other people have experienced the process of moving in with someone else? What were your positive / negative experiences? How has it changed / influenced your relationship? Has it changed you / the way you behave at home, and if so, how?
I was just wondering, how other people have experienced the process of moving in with someone else? What were your positive / negative experiences? How has it changed / influenced your relationship? Has it changed you / the way you behave at home, and if so, how?
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Original post by rotkäppchen
I was just wondering, how other people have experienced the process of moving in with someone else? What were your positive / negative experiences? How has it changed / influenced your relationship? Has it changed you / the way you behave at home, and if so, how?
You'll spend alot more time just being 'together' without actually doing anything. Evenings spent lying infront of the TV etc. Seeing each-other no longer becomes a special occurrence and so you need to make more of an effort if you want to actually do anything memorable together.
You should expect both positives and negatives (been living with my current boyfriend since November).
Biggest negatives: Less thinking time/the constant company/fighting over who left the towel on the bed/annoyance when things aren't where you left them.
But the cuddles at night, in my experience, more than make up for everything.
Biggest negatives: Less thinking time/the constant company/fighting over who left the towel on the bed/annoyance when things aren't where you left them.
But the cuddles at night, in my experience, more than make up for everything.
Practically moved in with boyfriend now spend more time at his house and staying over there than anywhere else, it would be strange if I spent more than 2 nights away from his.
Pros:
1. don't have to bother with texting and all that rubbish, because you'll see each other all the time
2. You get to actually see who they really are (could be taken as a con if it's bad!)
3. Cuddles in bed! Sleeping next to them every night and waking up next to them every morning.
4. Feel closer to them as you're always there with them.
Cons:
1. You have no space and sometimes it can get over whelming.
2. Annoying little habits that used to be cute may start to annoy the hell out of you.
3. Going to the bathroom for the first time at his may be awkward, depending on the kind of girl you are and if you haven't before.
4. He'll find out all your annoying little habits too!
Pros:
1. don't have to bother with texting and all that rubbish, because you'll see each other all the time
2. You get to actually see who they really are (could be taken as a con if it's bad!)
3. Cuddles in bed! Sleeping next to them every night and waking up next to them every morning.
4. Feel closer to them as you're always there with them.
Cons:
1. You have no space and sometimes it can get over whelming.
2. Annoying little habits that used to be cute may start to annoy the hell out of you.
3. Going to the bathroom for the first time at his may be awkward, depending on the kind of girl you are and if you haven't before.
4. He'll find out all your annoying little habits too!
I've lived with my bf for 4 years now. The day he got the flat, he had a key cut for me and hinted and asked me to move in but I was a little shy even though we had been together for 2 yrs at that point and I pretty much spent all my time with him. Anyhoo, I officially moved in about a month after he got the flat.
He stayed over at my mum's a lot so I was used to spending nights with him so I didn't find seeing him 24/7 a big deal bit if you don't see your partner often, I can imagine at first it feels fantastic but can feel smothering at times.
I've noticed since we have lived together, we still do our own thing e.g go out apart, play games alone but most of the things we still do together.
I didn't find that little things he did annoyed me like leaving the toilet seat up bit I suppose seeing him all the time sometimes led to arguments but not because of how often I saw him but because when you live with someone and have been together that long, you know how to wind them up and push their buttons. That's the only drawback I can really think of in regards to living together, everything else has been a plus.
Our relationship changed in some aspects such as we didn't have sex as much as we saw each other a lot and after a while you find other things to do together but we were OK with that. We have became more friendly with each other too which I would say is a good thing but we still have the romantic bf/gf side. We have also became more comfortable around each other.
Sometimes yes, it does get a bit boring doing the same thing day in, day out and you can argue about the same stuff over and over but generally I think living together is a good thing if both parties are up for it and willing to pull their share around the house.
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He stayed over at my mum's a lot so I was used to spending nights with him so I didn't find seeing him 24/7 a big deal bit if you don't see your partner often, I can imagine at first it feels fantastic but can feel smothering at times.
I've noticed since we have lived together, we still do our own thing e.g go out apart, play games alone but most of the things we still do together.
I didn't find that little things he did annoyed me like leaving the toilet seat up bit I suppose seeing him all the time sometimes led to arguments but not because of how often I saw him but because when you live with someone and have been together that long, you know how to wind them up and push their buttons. That's the only drawback I can really think of in regards to living together, everything else has been a plus.
Our relationship changed in some aspects such as we didn't have sex as much as we saw each other a lot and after a while you find other things to do together but we were OK with that. We have became more friendly with each other too which I would say is a good thing but we still have the romantic bf/gf side. We have also became more comfortable around each other.
Sometimes yes, it does get a bit boring doing the same thing day in, day out and you can argue about the same stuff over and over but generally I think living together is a good thing if both parties are up for it and willing to pull their share around the house.
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Original post by Spock's Socks
but I was a little shy even though we had been together for 2 yrs at that point and I pretty much spent all my time with him. Anyhoo, I officially moved in about a month after he got the flat.
I feel quite similar, we've been together for two years now, but I still feel a bit funny about it. What made you change your mind after that month?
Original post by Spock's Socks
We have became more friendly with each other too which I would say is a good thing but we still have the romantic bf/gf side.
Friendly in what way, would you say?
Original post by rotkäppchen
I feel quite similar, we've been together for two years now, but I still feel a bit funny about it. What made you change your mind after that month?
Friendly in what way, would you say?
Friendly in what way, would you say?
I realised that we pretty much already lived together in that I already spent every night of the week at the flat, the only thing that was missing were my belongings from my mum's. It was more of the hassle of bringing everything from my mum's that put me off for a while as I have a lot of stuff
We chilled out more together and done things that we never used to do before I moved in like playing video games together. He used to do that on his own time but since I moved in, we do that together now. Also just generally being more relaxed around each other added to the friendly feeling.
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Original post by BeachClub
You should expect both positives and negatives (been living with my current boyfriend since November).
Biggest negatives: Less thinking time/the constant company/fighting over who left the towel on the bed/annoyance when things aren't where you left them.
But the cuddles at night, in my experience, more than make up for everything.
Biggest negatives: Less thinking time/the constant company/fighting over who left the towel on the bed/annoyance when things aren't where you left them.
But the cuddles at night, in my experience, more than make up for everything.
I couldn't hack that. It'd have to be someone I liked so much, I didn't care about what mistakes they made, and they mine.
Original post by SaucissonSecCy
I couldn't hack that. It'd have to be someone I liked so much, I didn't care about what mistakes they made, and they mine.
I know how you feel. I had major reservations about moving in since in the past, if we'd argue, we could disappear to our own separate residences and not speak until we'd mutually calmed down. Living in the same place means you're stuck with each other even when you're not talking.
That said, moving in with my boyfriend was the best decision ever. We 'get it on' literally every night, and being at work/uni all day means it isn't overbearing either. I definitely wouldn't recommend moving in with your boyfriend/girlfriend too early though -- I moved in with my boyfriend after two years in a steady relationship.
Original post by BeachClub
I know how you feel. I had major reservations about moving in since in the past, if we'd argue, we could disappear to our own separate residences and not speak until we'd mutually calmed down. Living in the same place means you're stuck with each other even when you're not talking.
That said, moving in with my boyfriend was the best decision ever. We 'get it on' literally every night, and being at work/uni all day means it isn't overbearing either. I definitely wouldn't recommend moving in with your boyfriend/girlfriend too early though -- I moved in with my boyfriend after two years in a steady relationship.
That said, moving in with my boyfriend was the best decision ever. We 'get it on' literally every night, and being at work/uni all day means it isn't overbearing either. I definitely wouldn't recommend moving in with your boyfriend/girlfriend too early though -- I moved in with my boyfriend after two years in a steady relationship.
Yeah, and the trouble is this place I have now is mine financially, and the way I want it. I would have to be taking rent from her, and possibly upkeeping the place, not working etc, then it would be weird power balance. So I have this great asset, it's beautiful, but it sort of confines me if I wanted to live with someone. I guess there's pros and cons like you say. I can get a cat lol, and get company other ways. I like the idea, because the town I live in is quite compact and has a lot to do, and access to London, of just having someone who has her own place too. the last relationship I rejected, wasn't ready to try and set up together, thought she wanted a kid, but then I got my place. Now I like the idea of a woman with her own place, and we just have our own personal spaces, neither of us messes with, we are guests at the other persons, and it's not right next door or anything, but close enough to spend the night, maybe the other side of the city centre. After all, we would just meet in town, everyone has the web and phones now, no real need to live together. You could still have that thing of being in a couple, and not to be weird stopping everyone being all funny about your singledom.
Make sense?
Original post by SaucissonSecCy
I would have to be taking rent from her
Would you feel weird about that? In what sense do you feel it would change the balance?
Many couples are happy living together but I can't get on with it. It seems to immediately suck all of the excitement out of the relationship for me.
Original post by rotkäppchen
Would you feel weird about that? In what sense do you feel it would change the balance?
My power in having the place. It might get ugly cos she sees me as slacking though, even though it's my right to charge rent for my place. And also, others would perceive it as shes the breadwinner and he mums around, like it's her place.
Original post by frankieboy
Many couples are happy living together but I can't get on with it. It seems to immediately suck all of the excitement out of the relationship for me.
It doesn't have to do that I don't think, but I think also it's a myth that it's more support or makes you more productive or get on with stuff better, manage the place, your job etc, in fact I think living with a woman would just make all of that worse. Not being flippant, but genuinely, a cat would have a better effect on my wellbeing. Even though people take the piss out of that.
I'm interested in this too, as my boyfriend is in the process of buying a house so that I can move in with him once I've finished university in a few months time.
Other people have told me that going on holiday is like a microcosm of living together and I've been on long holidays with him before - more than two weeks together, with very little time apart - and then my only concern was that, as time progressed, I got happier and happier and more and more in love and if we hadn't gone back to our separate homes in the UK, then I might have exploded from gooey, mushy happiness!!!
In other people's experience, how different is living together permanently from living together on holiday?
Other people have told me that going on holiday is like a microcosm of living together and I've been on long holidays with him before - more than two weeks together, with very little time apart - and then my only concern was that, as time progressed, I got happier and happier and more and more in love and if we hadn't gone back to our separate homes in the UK, then I might have exploded from gooey, mushy happiness!!!
In other people's experience, how different is living together permanently from living together on holiday?
Original post by SaucissonSecCy
It doesn't have to do that I don't think, but I think also it's a myth that it's more support or makes you more productive or get on with stuff better, manage the place, your job etc, in fact I think living with a woman would just make all of that worse. Not being flippant, but genuinely, a cat would have a better effect on my wellbeing. Even though people take the piss out of that.
For sure. I think a lot of couples think they should live together because it's ''the next step'' whatever the hell that means. It's like people getting married because it's ''the next step''.
Of course, these ''steps'' are entirely imaginary. I actually know two older couples who I'm friends with who live together (one couple lives together and the other one does, not all four of them lol) and they're not engaged or anything. They seem happier than a lot of married couples, to be honest. Perhaps they don't feel that pressure?
Original post by frankieboy
For sure. I think a lot of couples think they should live together because it's ''the next step'' whatever the hell that means. It's like people getting married because it's ''the next step''.
Of course, these ''steps'' are entirely imaginary. I actually know two older couples who I'm friends with who live together (one couple lives together and the other one does, not all four of them lol) and they're not engaged or anything. They seem happier than a lot of married couples, to be honest. Perhaps they don't feel that pressure?
Of course, these ''steps'' are entirely imaginary. I actually know two older couples who I'm friends with who live together (one couple lives together and the other one does, not all four of them lol) and they're not engaged or anything. They seem happier than a lot of married couples, to be honest. Perhaps they don't feel that pressure?
Yeah, maybe that's a better way to do it, like them, even later in life, tbh I have my parents around, and plenty on my doorstep, (would be different living in the middle of nowhere) it just seems like unnecessary confusion, I'm not good with it and I am selfish and have weird moods and need to work through stuff alone. I think if I met someone at uni, her and I went into paying jobs, and I had no real attachment to a place or house, I could have bought and got used to living with someone, now I don't see it. somehow, weirdly I think it'd be easier to live with someone, if I sold up and changed house and location, very attached to where I am as my one person place, as it's not too big and its located near everything. Kind of like changing everything at once. Part of the country, type of house etc. And maybe my folks would be older then. It might even be to have a kid. But I'd only do it when I knew I had enough space, money etc.
Been living with my guy for over a year now.
In summary, best decision ever made. The only doubts came before moving in because of other people inputting their judging comments, as we moved in early in our relationship. But to us, it just felt right. Now they see us more happy than ever and dont mention a thing.
I think how successful a relationship is after moving in is largely dependent on the couples themselves and how agreeable/tolerant/compromising they are. For example, I eat vegetarian food now along with my bf because it just makes the food shop easier/cheaper. I'm happy with this and even feel better for it but I know some avid meat eaters would never consider such a thing.
So for pros:
I'm with my best friend and lover every single day - awesome.
I understand my partner on a deeper level, which just makes me love him more.
Greater physical intimacy
And as for cons...I struggle to find any. We don't really argue probably have done so twice in the entire year. But what living together does is forced us to communicate and resolve issues there and then...quickly. Our rule is never to go to bed angry. I find this far healthier than holding onto resentment. We still go out separately and yes we need to make sure not to get lazy and keep going on date nights with all the dressing up etc. But all in all the companionship is worth it.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
In summary, best decision ever made. The only doubts came before moving in because of other people inputting their judging comments, as we moved in early in our relationship. But to us, it just felt right. Now they see us more happy than ever and dont mention a thing.
I think how successful a relationship is after moving in is largely dependent on the couples themselves and how agreeable/tolerant/compromising they are. For example, I eat vegetarian food now along with my bf because it just makes the food shop easier/cheaper. I'm happy with this and even feel better for it but I know some avid meat eaters would never consider such a thing.
So for pros:
I'm with my best friend and lover every single day - awesome.
I understand my partner on a deeper level, which just makes me love him more.
Greater physical intimacy
And as for cons...I struggle to find any. We don't really argue probably have done so twice in the entire year. But what living together does is forced us to communicate and resolve issues there and then...quickly. Our rule is never to go to bed angry. I find this far healthier than holding onto resentment. We still go out separately and yes we need to make sure not to get lazy and keep going on date nights with all the dressing up etc. But all in all the companionship is worth it.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
You really get to know someone if you live together. Both good and bad parts of them. But, for me at least, this can be very liberating. I've had strep throat for the past 2 weeks and have barely showered, so I stink and I'm all germy and gross but my partner still loves me and shows it and well, that's just awesome. 
I can't imagine living alone again, especially at night.
I can't imagine living alone again, especially at night.
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