Boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me and I have to find a new place to live

Are you sure you guys dated for 3 years?

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I posted a few days ago, that my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me.

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3140999

TLDR; His reason was 'I don't see a future with you' and he gave me no hints, explanation, or even chat before that he was feeling this way. Absolutely shocked me since 1 hour earlier he was telling me our Valentine's Day plans.

That was on Wednesday, and he contacted me today saying he hopes I'm ok and asking if I have ideas for living arrangements. On Wednesday, he said one of the 2 of us should move out and I asked for some time to think about it. I rang him to discuss it and arrange a meeting for tomorrow, and he said either I can have the place (I can't do this because it'll just bring back memories of him) or he already found someone that I can swap with, one of his friends who is living in a professional houseshare.

I'm completely thrown by the speed and abruptness at which he's acting. He's 22, I'm 21, we have always been so honest with each other.

I'm so hurt that he broke up with me with no signs, couldn't even have the decency to tell me he was feeling this way when I accepted a job to be with him, under our joint conversation of living together next year. We talked about the future, so I don't know where this came from.

I feel like I got hit with everything. I lost my boyfriend, my best friend, I have to move house with no warning, I accepted a job in a place I have no friends because we talked about being together next year and planned on it. Not just me saying, both of us!

I'm seeing him tomorrow and I'm so scared. I want to ask him why and why he did it in such a way. Surely 3 years of an incredibly close relationship where we speak all day every day and share everything with each other deserves more?

Does anyone have any advice for tomorrow for me? Thank you in advance.

Are you both named on the tenancy agreement? Are you named jointing e.g. "Claires Jones and Elliot Smith" or do you have separate tenancies? (latter is unlikely but possible)

Yes. Spent nearly every single day with each other since.

OP, I went through something very similar last year. Same living arrangements and ex boyfriend broke up out of the blue with me. FWIW I was studying a master’s at Cambridge and stupidly busy and he was job searching for the period I was studying for my master’s. He got a job and was mighty pleased with himself and broke up with me ten days before my exams and thesis viva ha. I had to move out BEFORE my exams and somehow revise and pass those exams.

I was broken inside; I cried every single day for months, but I didn’t let him know what was going on. I moved out (thank goodness for friends who helped out), sat my exams, didn’t speak to him during the exam period and he didn’t bother to call me either, called him after my exams and he gave some half arsed responses. Anyway three days after the phone call, I called him to tell him it had been a good decision (we had been arguing a bit by the end mainly because he was getting closer to his friends, partying a lot and I don’t think his friends liked me) and said bye. I changed my number, cut contact and even though it was stupidly painful (cried for months, got depressed, etc., only my close friends and parents knew about this) I carried on with my life.

I don’t think he expected me to cut him out, I think he wanted to play with my feelings, possibly wanted me to beg a bit and/or chase him- I didn’t do either (in my book if someone doesn’t want me, I will not give them time of the day). Anyway I heard through some friends that all his crazy partying had reduced after about a month or so (when he realised I wasn’t going to bother to get back), and then the fun started. He started spreading lies about me telling people I had cheated, slept around, and used dating websites! I think he wanted me to react. I didn’t respond to anything, moved to another part of the country for my doctoral studies and totally cut him out of my life.

Now I have seriously no idea what he’s up to, but what did I gain from this experience:

1. Be your own person always. Never let someone else become your focus.
2. He was massively insecure because I was at Cambridge and he was unemployed much from a lower ranked university and for what it’s worth this didn’t bother me at all, but since he’d bring it up all the time, I was aware it was something he was affected by.
3. It’s important to take time out to be single, I haven’t dated because I have been busy and after being blindsided like that (he was looking at houses to move in together just three weeks before he broke up with me) I need some time out from dating/romance/drama haha. You learn a lot by focussing on yourself, you learn who’s really around for you – and if I had to summarise in one sentence what I’ve learnt, it would be this: You never know what makes you happy, as interestingly, it is often the things that you think that don’t, that actually make you so.
4. Be thankful he broke up with you now. Imagine if he had got cold feet later on say if you had ended up with children and/or married! Short term pain is better than long term suffering : )
5. The best revenge is living your life well. So he’s decided he doesn’t want you, his loss (for what it is worth he sounds insecure and immature and influenced by his immature friends – my ex was the same and the same age haha and I was the calmer, academic one). You sounds like a lovely girl, with your priorities in the right place, continue living your life well, eat healthy, exercise, spend time with your friends, don’t date as you don’t need more boy drama- just focus on making yourself feel whole again (it’s a wonderfully empowering feeling when you can feel whole and happy single – I am finally there and you’ll get there too).
6. Please don’t bother checking up on his facebook, instagram, whatever silliness he puts out there- most of it will be fake and trying to portray a happy, busy life because well it’s not like social media is a true representation of one’s life. Think of it as a heavily edited view of one’s life. I would check up on him and it would set me back each time. The quicker you cut him out completely, the better it will be for you.
7. As for the questions ‘will he regret breaking up with me?’, ‘does he miss me?’, that will undoubtedly go through your mind- the answer to these questions will always remain unknown, but if you act with dignity and make a swift exit, you’ll thank yourself a couple of months down the line and will not give a moment’s thought to these questions (or the answers). The only question you need to ask right now is: how do I work on making myself feeling better, and the answer to that doesn’t involve him at all.

Chin up; you can do this, and since I was there recently, I’ll have you know that you’ll emerge such stronger and happier person, and someday you’ll be glad that an idiot like him left you and gave you the chance to live a better life

(Sorry for bad grammar and spelling mistakes – written this on my phone and haha it’s turned out to be an essay)

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