Oh dear. Crush on Lecturer

Sorry, this is a cringe-worthy topic but it needs to be posted >_<;

I have a crush on my uni lecturer. I'm 24 (a so-called 'mature' student) and he's in his early 30s. I like flirting with him. We have good banter. My query is, what are your thoughts in this area?

Here are some ideas for discussion: Is it necessarily immature to fancy a lecturer? If it is inappropriate, in what way? Would a lecturer ever date a student and if so, under what grounds? Are there any legal restrictions if the student is an adult?

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Reply 1

Talya

I thought it was even ok (but frowned upon) if the student was 18... You are both adults after all.. I dunno.

Sounds sweet, give him your number on an assignment you hand in :wink:

If the worst happens, you just sit at the back of his lectures for the rest of the semester!

Reply 2

username47781

I thought you had a boyfriend anyway?

Reply 3

Dragon24

She has a boyfriend, it happened to me a while ago too but I realised how silly it was http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=226879 this was others thoughts.

Reply 4

ßlαcksωαn

Haha it's funny when this kind of thing happens. As far as I know lecturers arn't allowed to have dating relationships with their students.

Reply 5

Princess_Peach

Talya

Sounds sweet, give him your number on an assignment you hand in :wink:

hee hee nice idea :wink:

So the number alone or accompanied by a note of sorts?

Carl1982

I thought you had a boyfriend anyway?

I know. My bad #^^#

If it helps, I have been honest with my boyfriend about the crush.

Reply 6

username47781

Well i think they are allowed but it wouldn't be considered professional.

Reply 7

daydreaming

my dad was lecturing at the same uni where my mum was studying (but a different subject) when they were going out. they got married. :P

Reply 8

andy_cole2

i remember you mentioned this when that person had a crush on a teacher. watch the film loser, she has a crush on her lecturer, i love taht film purely for the fact that it includes the song teenage dirtbag. anyway i personally don't think you should act on it. i mean arguably your both adults but surely it would be a distraction and all that kindof stuff, it could backfire if the lecturer doesn't have an interest / grasses you up. it could make it awkward, and you have a boyfriend!

Reply 9

Princess_Peach

Angel83

She has a boyfriend, it happened to me a while ago too but I realised how silly it was http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=226879 this was others thoughts.

wow. Interesting thread. Thanks for posting it.

I have no idea about the marital status of the lecturer I fancy (he doesn't wear a ring, but that means nothing). He appears to flirt back, or at least take my giggly banter in good humour. I also do 'odd jobs' for him where I go to his office and carry papers with him to the lecture at the otherside of Durham. Just the two of us, chatting about rubbish and slagging off the other lecturers lol

In your thread you posted:

Angel83

I feel guilty for looking at him and think he senses I find him attractive as I started to avoid eye contact vice versa.

Once he sensed that you liked him, how did he act towards you?

Reply 10

BlackHawk

I thought you were engaged? :confused:

No I don't see anything morally wrong with it as long as the lecturer is not abusing his position of responsibility, which surely he would be? (according to the university) Maybe it's best to forget it until you are no longer his student.

Reply 11

Princess_Peach

BlackHawk

I thought you were engaged? :confused:

Nope. Not me. Legally single.

What would be regarded as an 'abuse of power'?

Reply 12

BlackHawk

The University could constrew it as abusing a position of responsibility if a lecturer were to go out with a student, especially if that student was under his instruction.

Reply 13

Dragon24

This was another post I made at the time which is silly, it was about the lecturer but I pretended it was some guy as people when getting miffed on here! http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=228795.

Reply 14

Princess_Peach

In the other thread, it was said:

Tarts_n_Vicars

At best he's just something fun to occupy your mind.

And that's the way I see it.

However, he does occupy my mind - a lot. And its important to mention that I have a major issue with my boyfriend (i.e. his past), so I fantasise about my lecturer to keep my mind off the boyfriend issue. Thinking of my lecturer makes me feel safe and hopeful. I recognise that this sounds sad to some guys.

Reply 15

Dragon24

Oh dear, you must learn to let go of the past. If he cheated on you then you will probably never really get over it.

Reply 16

squigaletta

Write 'i love you' across your eyelids and blink seductively at him, I love the Indiana Jones films

Reply 17

Princess_Peach

Angel83

Oh dear, you must learn to let go of the past. If he cheated on you then you will probably never really get over it.

No. He has an ex wife and kid. Not his fault I know. But I cant help the bad feelings it gives me :frown:

Anyway, back to the lecturer situation, do you still have feelings for yours? What happened in the end?

And what Id really like to know is,

What's the best/safest way to test the waters with a lecturer?

Reply 18

Dragon24

I didn't know he had an ex and kids - ashame, they will always be in his life :frown:

I don't see my lecturer and realised he was just a charmer, apparantely he flirted with lots of girls (some were not attractive) but he would just blank me (I am nice and attractive!) The module finished so I never saw him all summer. Saw him the other day in the corridor but he was chatting to some people, made me laugh as I had forgotten about the situation!

Ask him out for an end of term drink with other students?

Reply 19

Princess_Peach

squigaletta

Write 'i love you' across your eyelids and blink seductively at him, I love the Indiana Jones films

ha ha ha! I thought about that! Quality! Although I don't want to freak him out. So I'll pass.

Angel83

I didn't know he had an ex and kids - ashame, they will always be in his life :frown:

I know

Hence the sick to my stomach sensation I feel constantly. Have you ever dated a man with "baggage"?

Angel83

Ask him out for an end of term drink with other students?

Y'know, that's a really good idea! A Christmas drink! And as the other students will be there it can't be seen as a 'date' and therefore boyfriend and the university can't get hissy about it. Thanks for that idea! Keep them coming! :wink: