The Student Room Group

Should I Identify as a Bisexual?

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Original post by unprinted
It's not facile! What I think about how you should identify is (or should be) completely irrelevant. I know what I'd identify as, but that doesn't mean you have to.

Attraction is not necessarily the same as identity is not necessarily the same as behaviour. Lots of people have an attraction or behaviour that differs from their identity. That's before considering how things change over time.


I'm asking what you think is most appropriate. Like, if the OP was talking about an ethical dilemma. Yeah, sure, you telling me getting an abortion is totally my choice is true but it's not exactly useful if the purpose of the thread was to see whether people approve or not of getting an abortion.
Original post by robthehero
What is your argument?


I'm saying your missing the point. Obviously it's my choice what I do in life. I'm asking you however do you think this particular decision would be the appropriate one to make?

Original post by TheTechN1304
Wow dude. Are labels really important?


Yes. Very. Because they are the cause of a lot of prejudice. They need to therefore be meaningful and worthwhile otherwise get rid of them.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by TorpidPhil
Click-bait title. Just saying, but I do want to hear what y'all think.

So, over my lifetime there have only been 3 men I wanted to have sex with including those I have only seen via media and don't know IRL. Innumerable women. So 3/hundreds of thousands of men vs thousands and thousands of women. Seems silly to call myself bisexual.

But, I would have sex with 2 of them still and thinking about this earlier I also imagine that I wold enjoy being teased by a male (lots of males, not just the two I "fancy") when bound to the point of actually being able to orgasm from such. I feel this is more of a kink than a sexuality and I feel there is some sort of need to separate them even if they are related.

Also, I imagine lots of guys could orgasm from a machine when bound too. That doesn't make you a machine-sexual. Similarly, I bet some male rape victims orgasm to a male rapist. I imagine some men are able to orgasm to women which they don't actually find attractive. Sometimes the stimulus itself is sufficient to cause orgasm or just an erection or something similar. So this means that being able to obtain sexual pleasure from and being sexually attracted to something are distinct concepts. That's notable I think.

Must a man be bisexual if during an orgy he penetrates another man while already hard from a woman's presence, or even just the idea of an orgy if he would have had no desire to do that if it was just the two men alone? Or is he just extremely horny and very open minded? Or is everyone somewhat bisexual and so it's a bit of a needless question, as a so-called heterosexual man could still do that while being deemed heterosexual?

Then you have the topic of transgender and intersex people. Is sexuality based on the gender of the person you are attracted to or the sex? How do you define gender and how do you define biological sex? If you're attracted to an intersex person then how are you heterosexual still, even if its just one intersex person, or are you something else?

I think personally it would be absolutely ridiculous for me to identify as bisexual as that gives the impression that I actually would enjoy sleeping with guys. For 99.9999999999% of guys that wouldn't be true. So it seems inexplicably inappropriate and making an absolute mockery of the label "bisexual".

I think overall this all just goes to show how pathetic our labels of "sexuality" are in reality. People, especially men, get so insecure about no longer being heterosexual, but I don't even know why. The labels are so needlessly strict when it seems pretty obvious that sexuality is fluid and is affected by social factors as well as genetic ones. I think the taboo on these sorts of discussions needs to be removed so that more funding into research on it is created because I think sexuality is a massively important part of human living. We need to understand it better.


I think the bolded is pretty easy for someone to say if they don't really belong to a marginalised group. For so many LGBTQIA+ people it's really important to be able to identify oneself, both for representation and for connecting with other individuals of similar identities. Queer people's lived experiences can't teach us anything about homophobia unless we identify them as queer, too!

This aside, I think you're free to identify however you like. If I had to choose a label for you, I'd pick "heteroflexible", but that's not really up to me. :p:

I do agree that (mainly straight) people place far too much emphasis on the rigidity of their straightness, and men are made to feel embarrassed for things considered "effeminate" behaviours, which supposedly makes them gay... Never quite figured that one myself. :rolleyes:
Original post by TorpidPhil
I'm saying your missing the point. Obviously it's my choice what I do in life. I'm asking you however do you think this particular decision would be the appropriate one to make?



Yes. Very. Because they are the cause of a lot of prejudice. They need to therefore be meaningful and worthwhile otherwise get rid of them.


Well I don't think sexuality can easily split into gay, straight or bi. Don't see why it's important. (hint: it's not)
Original post by Ebony19
You say people shouldn't worry about it but it sounds like you might be kind of worried about it lol...
Pretty much what I was thinking.

/thread
Original post by Tootles
Pretty much what I was thinking.

/thread
What's the little dude in your pic?
Reply 26
Bicurious?
Original post by Aivicore
I think the bolded is pretty easy for someone to say if they don't really belong to a marginalised group. For so many LGBTQIA+ people it's really important to be able to identify oneself, both for representation and for connecting with other individuals of similar identities. Queer people's lived experiences can't teach us anything about homophobia unless we identify them as queer, too!

This aside, I think you're free to identify however you like. If I had to choose a label for you, I'd pick "heteroflexible", but that's not really up to me. :p:

I do agree that (mainly straight) people place far too much emphasis on the rigidity of their straightness, and men are made to feel embarrassed for things considered "effeminate" behaviours, which supposedly makes them gay... Never quite figured that one myself. :rolleyes:


Well I dunno about your first point. If that was the case and it was about coming together and sharing a label then there wouldn't be the gigantic amount of labels that there are now would there? But maybe that's my point. Too many of these labels are pseudo-labels created by posers to make themselves feel special and I feel like that's precisely what I'de be doing if I called myself bisexual. It detracts from the meaning of the word in its most common usage as someone who is strongly attracted to both genders.

The second paragraph is something that everyone keeps saying much to my frustration.I know that I'm free to choose how I should identify, but is one form of identification more appropriate than another for me? The whole point is do you share my belief that for me to call myself a bisexual would be wrong if it is strictly correct because it just takes away from the meaning and implication of the word?
Original post by Tootles
Pretty much what I was thinking.

/thread


May I ask why the OP made you think that? Because I don't see it and it's making me feel autistic. Maybe I should re-read my OP.
Original post by Ebony19
What's the little dude in your pic?
It's Tootles :unimpressed:

Original post by TorpidPhil
May I ask why the OP made you think that? Because I don't see it and it's making me feel autistic. Maybe I should re-read my OP.
Because you're ovethinking the **** out of it. And take that from someone who is autistic (well, asperger).

Identify how you feel you fit. Or just identify as 'sexual' and be happy with that. At the end of the day the label is only a word, and it's pretty stupid to try and define yourself by one word.
For me im attracted to the sex only... Not really gender. I am attracted to transwomen even. weirdly transwomen tend to seem to like me more than men do? I like both cismen and transwomen because I'm attracted to a specific sex not gender. Gender has always been hard for me to understand anyhow. I don't know what that makes me more I just wish I could have a relationship my sexuality has never been a problem and never been something I worried either.
Original post by Tootles
It's Tootles :unimpressed:

Because you're ovethinking the **** out of it. And take that from someone who is autistic (well, asperger).

Identify how you feel you fit. Or just identify as 'sexual' and be happy with that. At the end of the day the label is only a word, and it's pretty stupid to try and define yourself by one word.


I honestly "overthink" everything. It's not that I'm worried about "it". Rather I'm interested more in the discussion regarding whether or not we should allow the legitimacy of these new so called sexualities as well as people like myself who probably aren't that uncommon as being viewed the same (as a sexual deviant) as people who have more genuine sexual plight like homosexuals.
Original post by TorpidPhil
Well I dunno about your first point. If that was the case and it was about coming together and sharing a label then there wouldn't be the gigantic amount of labels that there are now would there? But maybe that's my point. Too many of these labels are pseudo-labels created by posers to make themselves feel special and I feel like that's precisely what I'de be doing if I called myself bisexual. It detracts from the meaning of the word in its most common usage as someone who is strongly attracted to both genders.

The second paragraph is something that everyone keeps saying much to my frustration.I know that I'm free to choose how I should identify, but is one form of identification more appropriate than another for me? The whole point is do you share my belief that for me to call myself a bisexual would be wrong if it is strictly correct because it just takes away from the meaning and implication of the word?


Bolded the sentence that made me actually groan out loud. It's not about forming one big unified group, it's about finding our place within smaller ones. There are different labels because there are just that many different types of people. Admittedly, some of the more recent additions to the spectrum (such as demisexual) don't hold as much weight as others. I wouldn't call myself "not straight", because it's not specific enough to let people know what I'm into or find people I can identify with. A cis gay man, for instance, probably isn't someone I can relate to in that way.

You may well be tired of hearing it, but people keep saying that to you because sexuality is largely subjective until labels are explicitly used by the individual. A label being pointless for one person doesn't make it pointless for everyone else. I'm also unwilling to participate in the gatekeeping "everyone says they're bi these days!"-behaviour which serves no one.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by TorpidPhil
I honestly "overthink" everything. It's not that I'm worried about "it". Rather I'm interested more in the discussion regarding whether or not we should allow the legitimacy of these new so called sexualities as well as people like myself who probably aren't that uncommon as being viewed the same (as a sexual deviant) as people who have more genuine sexual plight like homosexuals.
Wot.
Original post by Aivicore
Bolded the sentence that made me actually groan out loud. It's not about forming one big unified group, it's about finding our place within smaller ones. There are different labels because there are just that many different types of people. Admittedly, some of the more recent additions to the spectrum (such as demisexual) don't hold as much weight as others. I wouldn't call myself "not straight", because it's not specific enough to let people know what I'm into or find people I can identify with. A cis gay man, for instance, probably isn't someone I can relate to in that way.

You may well be tired of hearing it, but people keep saying that to you because sexuality is largely subjective until labels are explicitly used by the individual. But a label being pointless for one person doesn't make it pointless for everyone else.


Well I half acknowledged that in my last post. Maybe I should have been more explicit. I get that it's not just "let's all call ourselves different and be proud of our different-ness". However I still feel like terms such as "pansexual" are massively redundant. Also that a lot of people do identify as bisexual when really there's not much purpose in doing so and in fact they only hinder other people's ability to understand both their sexuality and that of other bisexuals by doing so.

People use the word subjective in such a meaningless way these days. If by subjective you mean we make up the definitions for it then everything is subjective. Science, maths, all of life.
Original post by Tootles
Wot.


An unfortunate situation to be birthed into regarding their sexuality. Theirs truly is unfortunate due to the way people discriminate against them. Mine, very obviously, is not.
Original post by TorpidPhil
An unfortunate situation to be birthed into regarding their sexuality. Theirs truly is unfortunate due to the way people discriminate against them. Mine, very obviously, is not.
Hmm. Not the simplest way to word it, I had to stare at the screen for a minute then :p:
Why don't you just have sex with a guy? if you find three guys attractive then it's likely (if you consider it) that you will other guys attractive. I don't think labels really matter but I wouldn't label yourself until you have some experiences!!
Original post by Zachary T-H
Why don't you just have sex with a guy? if you find three guys attractive then it's likely (if you consider it) that you will other guys attractive. I don't think labels really matter but I wouldn't label yourself until you have some experiences!!


Well I've never had sex with a girl but I know fine well I'de enjoy that...

No really though, I'm not an idiot. I'm not "bi-curious", I'm not having fun, I'm not a special snowflake, I'm not in a phase.

I know lots of guys, I don't find them attractive in a sexual manner, except 3. Three! I have no idea what it is specifically about them. It's very very odd and to an extent I would like to know why I find them sexually attractive just because it's so queer (pun intended).
Original post by Tootles
Hmm. Not the simplest way to word it, I had to stare at the screen for a minute then :p:


I thought it was very succinct and mildly amusing due to the semi-hyperbolic nature of it :colone:

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