The Student Room Group

Why are guys such Douchebags?

Guys, I'm a college student and at present each time I'm out in a night club and encounter a guy he turns out to be an absolute ball bag.

For instance. I was out on Tuesday and met a guy who was extremely good-looking, popular, friendly. He spoke to me the entire night. Asked for my number and even begged me to go to lunch with him the next day. During our conversation guys were coming up to him and congratulating him on getting someone like me. I accepted, took his number, kissed him and then spent the night texting him. He immediately added me on Facebook.

In the morning he asked were we still going on a date. I said yes if it suited him. He didn't reply and I was going to have to leave to travel home soon so I messaged him again asking what time. He then said he was busy in the library and we could do it another time (he didn't specify when, where). I said that's ok.. I then texted him today asking 'So what about this date?'. He replied that he was home now and couldn't meet me unless I travelled to his. I replied that I couldn't see that happening and suggested he travelled near where I live.

He just seemed to ignore my message and it shows he's online?

Why do I keep coming across guys like this who don't feel they have to fit the image portrayed by Dan Bilzerian and the Wolf of Wall Street?

I don't understand what I did wrong? I don't come on too strong- I play it pretty cool but then when I show interest they stop talking to me?


It's so stupid and I'm really giving up on ever getting into a relationship and actually having something stable in my life.

Please tell me I'm not alone in this?

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This one sure sounds like a douchebag. He's not being straight up with you and probably has something to hide. It's early days, and although you had a good time I would let it go. Just delete his details and I assure you someone better will come along. He probably wanted you to come for sex. I'm sick of guys being so fake to get what they want!
Reply 2
bump
Reply 3
Original post by NettleRune
This one sure sounds like a douchebag. He's not being straight up with you and probably has something to hide. It's early days, and although you had a good time I would let it go. Just delete his details and I assure you someone better will come along. He probably wanted you to come for sex. I'm sick of guys being so fake to get what they want!


I'm so glad I'm not alone. It seems every guy I meet is like that. It's really affecting me :frown:

Before I wouldn't have minded but now I'm so tempted to get revenge and show him what he missed (ignore him, go with other guys) but that's not me. I don't want to stoop to that level as I know that's not me.

It's not even like I'm giving off a certain impression. I wear those office like skirts on a night out and a long-sleeved crop top, however the skirt meets the crop top so there's no skin showing.
You dress however you want girl :smile: Nothing wrong with showing a bit of skin if it's making you feel good. Honestly, get this guy out of your life, he's seems like an idiot starting off all into you and suddenly just backing off. He will never be worth it.
You got rejected. No need to complain. Just move on.
Your generalisation of guys cannot be based on 1 idiot surely, OP.

To put it simple, he just wanted to **** you. But kissing a total stranger on a night out isn't advisable at all, especially if you're labelling guys as the idiots. Plus the majority of the time it's a one-way ticket to STD central.

There are A LOT of good guys out there, the best place to find them is highly unlikely going to be inside a trashy club though.
Reply 7
Original post by NettleRune
You dress however you want girl :smile: Nothing wrong with showing a bit of skin if it's making you feel good. Honestly, get this guy out of your life, he's seems like an idiot starting off all into you and suddenly just backing off. He will never be worth it.


Haha, I feel like you're such an independent women giving me the 'you don't need no man in yo life' speech :P :biggrin: I just feel like no matter how I act- reserved, cool, calm vs funny, flirty and cheeky.. I still attract the same guys. Maybe it's because I'm at college and it's all that's on a guys mind :s-smilie:

How do you deal with guys like this? :smile: Do you know any tell tale signs when you're talking to them so you know to stay well away from them? :redface:
Original post by NettleRune
This one sure sounds like a douchebag. He's not being straight up with you and probably has something to hide. It's early days, and although you had a good time I would let it go. Just delete his details and I assure you someone better will come along. He probably wanted you to come for sex. I'm sick of guys being so fake to get what they want!


Would you sleep with a guy who came up to you and said "honestly, I just want casual sex, you seem sexually attractive, come back to mine?".
Reply 9
Original post by Stefano93
Your generalisation of guys cannot be based on 1 idiot surely, OP.

To put it simple, he just wanted to **** you. But kissing a total stranger on a night out isn't advisable at all, especially if you're labelling guys as the idiots. Plus the majority of the time it's a one-way ticket to STD central.

There are A LOT of good guys out there, the best place to find them is highly unlikely going to be inside a trashy club though.


I'm really not generalising guys!! I'm giving this recent encounter as an example.

I've met guys at societies I've joined e.g running and they too have turned out to be flaky. Although I guess you shouldn't eat where you **** (metaphorically)

At my age though (19) it's hard to meet other guys my age apart from at clubs. It's where they all seem to go.

I'm sorry, I'm trying not to seem like I'm tarnishing all guys with the same brush. I want to believe there's good guys out there.. I've just never came across them and I would love to.. hence the reason I'm asking advice.
Original post by perspiracious
You got rejected. No need to complain. Just move on.


It's not just once though..
Original post by Mankytoes
Would you sleep with a guy who came up to you and said "honestly, I just want casual sex, you seem sexually attractive, come back to mine?".


Honestly, I'd probably admire him much more for his honesty compared to guys who decide to play games. It would let me know what he really wanted and expected. If I was up for it Yes, I wouldn't actually mind a guy being straightforward like that but that's the type of person I am. I hate games. They're a waste of time and frankly it just show the lack of maturity.
Original post by Anonymous
Haha, I feel like you're such an independent women giving me the 'you don't need no man in yo life' speech :P :biggrin: I just feel like no matter how I act- reserved, cool, calm vs funny, flirty and cheeky.. I still attract the same guys. Maybe it's because I'm at college and it's all that's on a guys mind :s-smilie:

How do you deal with guys like this? :smile: Do you know any tell tale signs when you're talking to them so you know to stay well away from them? :redface:


haha this made me laugh! I'm feeling like that responding to you :smile:. I've been in a relationship for a while now but I see my friends getting into situations like this. If he's coming on too strong then I would presume he just wants sex. You just have to trust your instinct. I always think a guy should make you feel really good about yourself and if that isn't the case then he is not worth your time.
Reply 13
a guy who was extremely good-looking, popular, friendly.

Is he out of your league? Just because a guy wants to get off with you in a club doesn't mean he wants to date you
Original post by Anonymous
It's not just once though..


Few serious relationships develop from meeting someone in a club. Generally you are more likely to get into causal relationships. It's not just guys who do what you describe. I would argue it's more common in girls. At your age, many guys and girls don't want a serious relationship. Be patient and don't stress about it and you will meet someone special eventually.
Original post by poohat
Is he out of your league? Just because a guy wants to get off with you in a club doesn't mean he wants to date you


I have an extremely low self esteem. I always compare myself to others- it wouldn't matter who they are I'd probably always see them as out of my league. My friends tell me I'm too good for the guys I like (Sorry I'm sounding extremely cocky)

I study law at a russel group uni, I go to the gym and run daily, I look after myself (drink in moderation, don't smoke, have clear skin), stable job- work at big company clothing store, extremely mature (help my parents who need looked after and my little sister who has aspergers), raise money for charity by carrying out one of my hobbies, sky diving.

I'd like to think I'm an interesting person but again I do have a load self esteem (probably doesn't seem it now having rattled off the above speech)
Title makes you look like a moron. :smile:
Douchebags? That's harsh. I think you're at fault here for misinterpreting the dude's intentions.

Simply put, stop trying to find meaningful relationships at nightclubs! And don't buy into the BS that you can't find someone outside of a nightclub either, that is ridiculous.

As guys, if we're at a club attempting to pull, that's literally all we're doing. I don't know the details of your text convo, but it seems after that he decided there was no point pursuing. In any case, majority of guys you'll find just want sex. If you're after something more look elsewhere.
Original post by Protégé
Title makes you look like a moron. :smile:


Lmao, It was more of a provoking tactic, like adverts on the TV that are so crap you'll never forget them :P

It did make you click into it and comment so I guess I win :biggrin:
Original post by K-Nitro
Douchebags? That's harsh. I think you're at fault here for misinterpreting the dude's intentions.

Simply put, stop trying to find meaningful relationships at nightclubs! And don't buy into the BS that you can't find someone outside of a nightclub either, that is ridiculous.

As guys, if we're at a club attempting to pull, that's literally all we're doing. I don't know the details of your text convo, but it seems after that he decided there was no point pursuing. In any case, majority of guys you'll find just want sex. If you're after something more look elsewhere.


I'm at a loss on where else to 'meet' guys. Honestly.. Student life is for most of the people I know consists of partying, going to class hungover and then preparing for a night of drinking. It honestly is drink, uni, party & repeat.

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