The Student Room Group

If a friend gets a B+ but is upset with themselves for not getting an A (metaphor)

do you tell them 'well you should have worked harder then you lazy ****'?

I mean no one likes a victim mentality so it would be logical to attack them for their imperfections rather than praise them for successes, any good friend would whip another friend towards perfection.

Just to explain I would not do this to my friend because it might hurt their feelings, but according to TSR the best thing to make me improve would be disregard my feelings and be blunt and brutal towards me
(edited 9 years ago)
:angry::angry:
Original post by Maid Marian
:angry::angry:


I don't understand, that was the response I got when I said 'I have a 2.1 but my ex's guy friend has a 1st so it makes sense that she'd be more attracted to him now I feel my relationship[ is in jeopardy :/'

as an example

Maz best stay away from my threads for today, you're going through a hard time atm.
Riku just stop with all the threads they're not helping you!


Posted from TSR k
lpMobileo
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Profesh
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Closed.
Original post by Smash Bandicoot
I don't understand, that was the response I got when I said 'I have a 2.1 but my ex's guy friend has a 1st so it makes sense that she'd be more attracted to him now I feel my relationship[ is in jeopardy :/'

as an example

Maz best stay away from my threads for today, you're going through a hard time atm.


I'm perfectly fine, your threads just make me irrationally angry :angry:
Original post by Odd socks
Riku just stop with all the threads they're not helping you!


Posted from TSR k
lpMobileo


the last thread 'do I have a victim mentality' helped because it established that at least 5 people I regularly talk to on TSR believe I have a victim mentality
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Original post by Smash Bandicoot
do you tell them 'well you should have worked harder then you lazy ****'?

I mean no one likes a victim mentality so it would be logical to attack them for their imperfections rather than praise them for successes, any good friend would whip another friend towards perfection.


While I do agree, you can't expect everyone to be unhappy. What you may deem a poor grade, someone else will consider a fantastic grade.
Original post by Smash Bandicoot
the last thread 'do I have a victim mentality' helped because it established that at least 5 people I regularly talk to on TSR believe I have a victim mentality


how is that helping though? it's just making you more neurotic


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Original post by Odd socks
how is that helping though? it's just making you more neurotic


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only because I haven't applied the findings :wink:
Original post by Smash Bandicoot
only because I haven't applied the findings :wink:


right..


Posted from TSR k
lpMobileo
Original post by Odd socks


if people say I am acting as victim the only thing left to do is blame myself and work past the self pity phase to actually make something of myself, and only have myself to blame if I'm invisible and forgotten in the real world otherwise :s-smilie:
I have a feeling this isn't about grades, but i'll answer anyway...

It depends on the person, but I personally would think that the best thing to do in that situation is to tell them something like, "Well done, B is a good grade, but next time revise that bit harder and then maybe you'll get an A! You can do it! How about doing this, this and this next time to improve your grade". Praise them for what they have done, but don't go overboard. Be realistic. Try to motivate them. Encourage them. Be fairly stern. Give them advice on how they can improve. Some people benefit from someone being very very stern and plain speaking, some people get demotivated if someone is too harsh, but never coddle them too much because you want them to achieve their goal and just saying, "It doesn't matter! Don't worry about it!" will not help.

Also, never expect perfection. You can aim for perfection if you like, but not be upset or discouraged if you don't achieve it, because 99% never do. Perfection means different things for different people. I'm a perfectionist and the pressure that came with it did exacerbate my anxiety and depression. When I accepted that it was unrealistic to be perfect all the time, I became much happier. Although this is my personal experience and it's different for everyone.
Original post by KimonoMyHouse
I have a feeling this isn't about grades, but i'll answer anyway...

It depends on the person, but I personally would think that the best thing to do in that situation is to tell them something like, "Well done, B is a good grade, but next time revise that bit harder and then maybe you'll get an A! You can do it! How about doing this, this and this next time to improve your grade". Praise them for what they have done, but don't go overboard. Be realistic. Try to motivate them. Encourage them. Be fairly stern. Give them advice on how they can improve. Some people benefit from someone being very very stern and plain speaking, some people get demotivated if someone is too harsh, but never coddle them too much because you want them to achieve their goal and just saying, "It doesn't matter! Don't worry about it!" will not help.

Also, never expect perfection. You can aim for perfection if you like, but not be upset or discouraged if you don't achieve it, because 99% never do. Perfection means different things for different people. I'm a perfectionist and the pressure that came with it did exacerbate my anxiety and depression. When I accepted that it was unrealistic to be perfect all the time, I became much happier. Although this is my personal experience and it's different for everyone.


sorry I'm out of rep atm
Original post by KimonoMyHouse
I have a feeling this isn't about grades, but i'll answer anyway...

It depends on the person, but I personally would think that the best thing to do in that situation is to tell them something like, "Well done, B is a good grade, but next time revise that bit harder and then maybe you'll get an A! You can do it! How about doing this, this and this next time to improve your grade". Praise them for what they have done, but don't go overboard. Be realistic. Try to motivate them. Encourage them. Be fairly stern. Give them advice on how they can improve. Some people benefit from someone being very very stern and plain speaking, some people get demotivated if someone is too harsh, but never coddle them too much because you want them to achieve their goal and just saying, "It doesn't matter! Don't worry about it!" will not help.

Also, never expect perfection. You can aim for perfection if you like, but not be upset or discouraged if you don't achieve it, because 99% never do. Perfection means different things for different people. I'm a perfectionist and the pressure that came with it did exacerbate my anxiety and depression. When I accepted that it was unrealistic to be perfect all the time, I became much happier. Although this is my personal experience and it's different for everyone.

1% of people achieve perfection?
Original post by Smash Bandicoot
only because I haven't applied the findings :wink:


That's rather the point though. You open these threads to reinforce your own negativity instead of following advise.

You need to believe in yourself, until you can do that there's little point in opening another thread in which the advise would be the same.
Original post by morgan8002
1% of people achieve perfection?


Well, it's not an accurate statistic haha, but I guess it depends on what you consider perfection is and how you would measure it. Grade wise, perfection would be 100%, which is not all that unusual I suppose. At the end of the day, no one is a perfect person and you can always strive to better yourself in some areas.

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