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Absolutely livid with myself

I developed a chatting friendship with a guy who once tried it on with me many years ago. Little did I realise I was leading him on. I've totally cut all connection with him now, but I'm so annoyed with my stupidity.

So to rewind. Four years ago when it was our Christmas do, I ended up leaving at the same time as him and on our way to the station he tried it on with me. I ignored his advances.

We worked on the same team for years, it was all guys in the team where I was the only girl, I got on with the blokes ok. He left the company last year but I stupidly kept in touch with him and would confide in him about problems at work or update him on things but I only kept in touch via text.

Last week I realised that the bloke may have other agendas when he rang me at 12am. I was thinking wtf??? I ignored the call. Who on earth rings someone at that time. The only ones who are entitled to ring me at that time are my family and close girl friends.

I should have known this guy had his own agenda, I'm so angry with myself for being stupid. I mean, when he left the company he moved to Birmingham and he kept asking when I was going to visit, but I told him I have no interest in visiting Birmingham, apart from Church activities. I should have said I have no interest in visiting him. Then he kept telling me when he was coming to London, but I've never arranged to meet him when he's in London, because I've had no reason to. I've never really been clear on whether he tells other colleagues when he's visiting London, or whether he only tells me.

Also, when he moved from the company, he put me in touch with one of his new colleagues who I have nothing in common with, saying he was trying to play Cupid. It must have been a smokescreen. Funny enough he wasn't keen on me getting in touch with one of his other new colleagues, who from his linkedin profile I actually felt I had more common ground with.

To make matters worse, the guy has a wife and kids and he's over 12 years older than me. I also know he's a perv because I used to hear him and the other blokes having really crude conversations.

I feel so violated, but I realise it's my stupidity. I just hope me cutting him off is a strong message to him. I don't know how one can be so delusional. Perhaps I'm the delusional one who believes that people of the opposite sex can just be friends.
(edited 9 years ago)

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Don't make his issues yours. You didn't intentionally lead him on and you're definitely not to blame for his agenda, he hid it from you, how were you supposed to know? If you did it would be likely you were just being paranoid. People of the opposite sex can be friends, this guy is just an *sshole. Don't feel guilty, you didn't do anything wrong.
Slim and proud for the wrong reasons lol
Original post by shawn_o1
Slim and proud for the wrong reasons lol


What do you mean?
Original post by Slim and proud
What do you mean?


You did mention in one of your previous posts on TSR that you "look sexy without trying to be sexy". So a lot of guys are chasing after you and wanting your V even if they may already be married and have kids, like you described in the OP.

Maybe try wearing clothes that don't suit you and don't expose too much of your figure, but still suit the occasion that you are essentially visiting. Maybe that'll put guys off?
Original post by shawn_o1
You did mention in one of your previous posts on TSR that you "look sexy without trying to be sexy". So a lot of guys are chasing after you and wanting your V even if they may already be married and have kids, like you described in the OP.

Maybe try wearing clothes that don't suit you and don't expose too much of your figure, but still suit the occasion that you are essentially visiting. Maybe that'll put guys off?


If a person is generally attractive, the clothing won't do much to hide that. Besides, the point shouldn't be about how one chooses to dress.
Original post by Paralove
If a person is generally attractive, the clothing won't do much to hide that. Besides, the point shouldn't be about how one chooses to dress.


I agree.

I just can't comprehend how one can just delude themselves and read into something that's note there.
Original post by EllainKahlo
Don't make his issues yours. You didn't intentionally lead him on and you're definitely not to blame for his agenda, he hid it from you, how were you supposed to know? If you did it would be likely you were just being paranoid. People of the opposite sex can be friends, this guy is just an *sshole. Don't feel guilty, you didn't do anything wrong.


Thank you. I will try to stop feeling guilty.
Lol I'm getting reps for that post that OP didn't take very well
the whole thing doesn't make me feel good, perhaps because I'm a bitter virgin. I don't think she respects this guy as a friend
(edited 9 years ago)
Maybe he was just drunk and only wanted a chat?
Original post by Smash Bandicoot
If anything the guy should feel honoured to be noticed by the superior fenale sex #beapussyfear
women #planetearthisapedestaliputyouallonit #manupbetas


I didn't consider him anything more than a collegue.

I don't know what made him think saw him as more and I don't know what makes you think I 'noticed' him. Perhaps guys have a way of misreading into female communication.

I guess I needed someone to rant to about my work issues and he took advantage of that.

Arrghhh, I'm livid with myself.
Original post by DarkMagic
Maybe he was just drunk and only wanted a chat?


Perhaps he did, odd time to choose to have a chat, esp for someone with a wife. Unfortunately I had to envoke my boundaries.
Original post by Slim and proud
I didn't consider him anything more than a collegue.

I don't know what made him think saw him as more and I don't know what makes you think I 'noticed' him. Perhaps guys have a way of misreading into female communication.

I guess I needed someone to rant to about my work issues and he took advantage of that.

Arrghhh, I'm livid with myself.


Spoiler

(edited 9 years ago)
Alpha males and beta females can be friends, the beta female usy wants him though

Beta females and higher beta nales can be friends but typically it becomes messy

Alpha females and beta males can never be friends, betas are too weak and low status and alpha females will rip their hearts to shreds with iron resolve and control

#wearenotallequal
You haven't done anything wrong.



Original post by shawn_o1


Maybe try wearing clothes that don't suit you and don't expose too much of your figure, but still suit the occasion that you are essentially visiting. Maybe that'll put guys off?




OP it's your right to dress how you want to and men finding you attractive is no reason for you to change the way you dress. Keep being you and forget about the men who can't control themselves because that doesn't determine how you should live your life. You don't need to apologise for being attractive and you don't need to change that just to make it easier for men to stay with their wives. This guy was misunderstanding everything and picking up non-existent signals and you're not responsible for his foolishness.

You haven't done anything wrong.
I think you overreacted here. He calls you at midnight and you cut off all ties? I think you read too much into the situation.
OP it's your right to dress how you want to and men finding you attractive is no reason for you to change the way you dress. Keep being you and forget about the men who can't control themselves because that doesn't determine how you should live your life. You don't need to apologise for being attractive and you don't need to change that just to make it easier for men to stay with their wives. This guy was misunderstanding everything and picking up non-existent signals and you're not responsible for his foolishness.

You haven't done anything wrong.


Original post by ThatGirl276
I think you overreacted here. He calls you at midnight and you cut off all ties? I think you read too much into the situation.


Was going to say you have no right to call her out

Then realised you were a woman

(Misandry=beta males are not allowed to point flaws in women)
Original post by shawn_o1
You did mention in one of your previous posts on TSR that you "look sexy without trying to be sexy". So a lot of guys are chasing after you and wanting your V even if they may already be married and have kids, like you described in the OP.

Maybe try wearing clothes that don't suit you and don't expose too much of your figure, but still suit the occasion that you are essentially visiting. Maybe that'll put guys off?


Lol don't blame OP for being alpha female, blame beta orbiters for beta orbiting like her 'friend' lol how pathetic is he
Just cut contact with him then... Why is this even an issue?

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