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Relationship with your father

I'm a 22 year old woman. Growing up I had a very difficult relationship with my dad. He was volatile and sometimes verbally aggressive, a lot of the time emotionally cold, I didn't receive much physical effection from him.

Now grown up I'm finding myself clingy needy and looking for a father figuire anywhere and everywhere from my doctor to my boss.

And it's probably so obvious to them :redface:. I can't go through life behaving like daddies little girl to every second man or maybe feigning being a woman but inside looking at them as someone who's looking after me... It is so messed up.

Anyone else have difficult relationships with their parents and find themselves navigating adult relationships really awkwardly like this? Or anyone manage to sort of 'grow out of it'?

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Original post by Anonymous
I'm a 22 year old woman. Growing up I had a very difficult relationship with my dad. He was volatile and sometimes verbally aggressive, a lot of the time emotionally cold, I didn't receive much physical effection from him.

Now grown up I'm finding myself clingy needy and looking for a father figuire anywhere and everywhere from my doctor to my boss.

And it's probably so obvious to them :redface:. I can't go through life behaving like daddies little girl to every second man or maybe feigning being a woman but inside looking at them as someone who's looking after me... It is so messed up.

Anyone else have difficult relationships with their parents and find themselves navigating adult relationships really awkwardly like this? Or anyone manage to sort of 'grow out of it'?


I had a bad relationship with my mother. I was an outlet for all her negative energy. When I was a teen I'd kind of latch on to teachers and such emotionally. The way I got out of it was recognising my problem and separating myself from the kind of people I would latch onto.
My dad's also "emotionally cold" and is always blaming others including me for anything that goes wrong in his life.
It's funny because he's always lying to me to shed himself in a good light, but he's unaware I actually know the truth.
We have "hi, bye" phone conversations often and I see him every other week or so. Doesn't really bother me with any other relationships though, I don't feel like he brings anything to my life and once the phone call is over/he drops me back home, I just forget about him.
I had a dad who was always beating the crap out of me and my mum and I mostly lived in fear of him when I was younger. He never showed affection, just most of the time only just about tolerated me. My mum was never allowed to show me affection because he hated having her attention put towards her children and would take it out on us. Now, as a 25 yr old woman, I find it hard to trust people, I'm awkward most of the time.

Its funny u started this thread because a few days ago I was thinking about how my childhood messed me up as an adult. I look toward authority figures for comfort. As a 25 year old, I don't feel like an adult most of the time, still feel like a child in many ways seeking approval from everyone I meet. I guess it doesn't help that I look like a 15 yr old so most people treat me like I'm younger than them anyway.
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
Now, as a 25 yr old woman, I find it hard to trust people, I'm awkward most of the time.

Its funny u started this thread because a few days ago I was thinking about how my childhood messed me up as an adult. I look toward authority figures for comfort. As a 25 year old, I don't feel like an adult most of the time, still feel like a child in many ways seeking approval from everyone I meet. I guess it doesn't help that I look like a 15 yr old so most people treat me like I'm younger than them anyway.
This is literally me...
I have had a good relationship with my parents. However, my dad has/had very high expectations for me and my mum would lash out at me and hit me while blaming me for a lot of crap.
Reply 6
Original post by Gott
I don't know where the **** mine is so I wouldn't know tbh :colonhash:
Aw :frown:
💪
Epic
My relationship with my dad before he passed was quite strong. We had our ups and downs but we've always been able to sort things out no matter what
Reply 9
Original post by Anonymous
I had a bad relationship with my mother. I was an outlet for all her negative energy. When I was a teen I'd kind of latch on to teachers and such emotionally. The way I got out of it was recognising my problem and separating myself from the kind of people I would latch onto.

Yeah it's so awkward with me as well either it's so obvious I'm latching on to someone or I need someone's support and desperately try not to become that needy person I'm prone to becoming. So I avoid at all costs and they're often dumbfounded like huh I thought we got on well where'd she go... But like you I just can't seem to strike that balance.
Original post by Gott
It's okay, it just means my farther was a LAD 18 odd years ago :colone:
Haha good way of looking at it :wink:
Original post by queen-bee
My relationship with my dad before he passed was quite strong. We had our ups and downs but we've always been able to sort things out no matter what
better some kids did than none :h:


Original post by TSR Mustafa
Epic
I feel sad reading some of these posts. My relationship with my father is as good as I could imagine, I can talk to my dad about anything and everything.
Original post by College_Dropout
I feel sad reading some of these posts. My relationship with my father is as good as I could imagine, I can talk to my dad about anything and everything.
Aw don't feel sad but also nothing like a healthy dose of empathy :smile: I mean you'll count your blessings as well
I suggest a technique called re-parenting yourself which is basically working on giving yourself everything you feel that your parents didn't give you. You can also seek a team of family therapists depending on your finances (it's very expensive, you can sometimes get it on the NHS though if it's affecting your mental health severely) and whether he is willing to attend.

Also if you can work on gratitude for all that is good about your parents. Even if it's just for bringing you into this world. You can try writing your dad letters about how you feel. I wrote my dad letters about all the things I love and appreciate about him about my wish for us to be closer and our relationship is so much better I realised he was just hurting himself and felt he had no one to turn :smile:
(edited 9 years ago)
non-existent
Original post by queen-bee
My relationship with my dad before he passed was quite strong. We had our ups and downs but we've always been able to sort things out no matter what

Neither of your parents is still alive?
Original post by Profesh
Neither of your parents is still alive?


Both have past. My mum passed away last February and my father 6 months later.
Original post by queen-bee
Both have past. My mum passed away last February and my father 6 months later.




Posted from TSR Mobile
Oh dear.I'm very sorry to hear that. Must be devastating losing both parents in the same year.
I'm quite the opposite. My dad was never around and he was never affectionate towards me. He was/is a **** dad to be honest. I've never really found myself looking for a father figure in other men. It's just made me cautious of the guys I meet as I'm worried I'll meet someone just like my dad.

Anyway you will grow out of it, hopefully. Since you are now you are conscious of it, you might be able to curb it. There are plenty of women out there who seek attention from various men and sometimes it's put down to an absent father. Sadly some just spent a lifetime looking for love in the wrong places, when all that's missing is love from their father.

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