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Are relationships supposed to be this boring?!

So i've been with my boyfriend for three years now and we met in the last year of uni. We've been living together for six months and i've found things have become gradually more and more boring. We both work long hours but my boyfriend doesn't ever want to go and do anything fun like a random holiday. He's also stopped doing things like surprising me and making more of an effort - it just generally feels like we're in a rut at 24!

I've sat down with him and had a chat and asked if everything's ok and he says it is and he loves me and he's just very busy with work.

So are relationships really this boring once you live together?
Nope (not that I've ever lived with a guy before :biggrin: ). Sounds like you guys really need to leave the house and have a date night every so often. That's the only thing I can suggest, no wonder you guys are bored - you don't do any activities together. You've just gotta figure out how to get him out the house. When's his next holiday off work? Maybe plan in advanced for that?
Reply 2
i hope they arent. maybe sign up to do dancing lessons together, something to get your blood pumping? if he doesnt want to do it, maybe bribe him, like buy him something if he does it ?
Reply 3
You're expecting too much. You expect him to take you to holidays and to surprise you and make more of an effort? Get real. Come on. If you're not satisfied with him, dump him and find someone better. This is the problem with women these days, they expect to be treated like princesses and start complaining and getting bored after a while. It's utterly ridiculous. If you want to have fun, then do something fun with your spare time instead of blaming your partner for your perceived boredom.

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Original post by Anonymous
So i've been with my boyfriend for three years now and we met in the last year of uni. We've been living together for six months and i've found things have become gradually more and more boring. We both work long hours but my boyfriend doesn't ever want to go and do anything fun like a random holiday. He's also stopped doing things like surprising me and making more of an effort - it just generally feels like we're in a rut at 24!

I've sat down with him and had a chat and asked if everything's ok and he says it is and he loves me and he's just very busy with work.

So are relationships really this boring once you live together?


Not wanting to go on holiday isn't that big of a deal. They're expensive.
But the two of you should go out more. Try and make a point of going out on a weekly date. Relationships never stop needing work.
Out of curiosity would you say that you make an effort and surprise him? If not then you can't blame him for not doing it either. Relationships are give and take and you can only take as good as you give.
Hope I helped :smile:
I think boredom is one of the biggest dangers to watch out for in a relationship. And it's not something that can be just solved by doing some exciting 'activities' if you are not in to them, thats just forced and doesn't work.

When a relationship is good you can just hang around the house with each other and its not boring. I remember some times with my ex where we just used to hook up the TV to youtube and stay up till like 3am watching funny videos and just ****ing ourselves laughing or playing kitchen cricket/kitchen golf.

The key thing is actually interacting with each other. When it gets to the point that one partner is focusing on something else (eg coming home and sitting watching TV or on their phone/laptop) and kind of half paying attention to the partner thats when it gets boring.

Holidays can be good but also if a relationship isn't good, a holiday won't solve it, one partner will just pick at the other the whole way through the holiday and spoil it.
Things need to be spiced up. It happens for all long term relationships so I would not be concerned but if your boyfriend shows lack of effort/willing for wanting to change things as they stand then yes be concerned. Why not set up a weekly date night, wine and dine each other, find a local gig going on and just go that evening, walks in a country park, salsa dancing (recently started this with my own bf), start a new hobby together(for example, my bf is teaching me chess and we play against each other), go away on a trip just for the weekend when you are both free (it doesn't have to even be abroad even if it's in the next city a change of scenery will do you both good)


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Reply 7
Here's an idea,
Why don't you take the initiative and surprise him?
Or just enjoy time at home with him?

Why should it be him that needs to change or put more effort in?
If he's content and you're bored then surely either you need to break up with him or you need to find a way of re-igniting your interest.
Original post by Anonymous
So i've been with my boyfriend for three years now and we met in the last year of uni. We've been living together for six months and i've found things have become gradually more and more boring. We both work long hours but my boyfriend doesn't ever want to go and do anything fun like a random holiday. He's also stopped doing things like surprising me and making more of an effort - it just generally feels like we're in a rut at 24!

I've sat down with him and had a chat and asked if everything's ok and he says it is and he loves me and he's just very busy with work.

So are relationships really this boring once you live together?


They really don't have to be. I think the issue is that you both seem to have different drives to do things. Your boyfriend seems to of jumped into a monotonous life style which he is complacently accepting. You on the other hand have the drive to still do exciting things.

Your boyfriend has stopped surprising you but I can tell you what the answer is. YOU need to take the initiative!! Try surprising him. Book a nice dinner, a class, a high adrenalin activity or a city break in Europe and tell him that he has to go, no "if's" no "but's". He will probably resent it at first but, If you ensure that it will be something you both enjoy, you will open his eyes to what you have been missing out on in life. Your job in this situation is to be the spark, once you have the spark the fire will quickly ignite and your relationship will be quickly back on track.
Original post by MagicNMedicine
I think boredom is one of the biggest dangers to watch out for in a relationship. And it's not something that can be just solved by doing some exciting 'activities' if you are not in to them, thats just forced and doesn't work.

When a relationship is good you can just hang around the house with each other and its not boring. I remember some times with my ex where we just used to hook up the TV to youtube and stay up till like 3am watching funny videos and just ****ing ourselves laughing or playing kitchen cricket/kitchen golf.

The key thing is actually interacting with each other. When it gets to the point that one partner is focusing on something else (eg coming home and sitting watching TV or on their phone/laptop) and kind of half paying attention to the partner thats when it gets boring.

Holidays can be good but also if a relationship isn't good, a holiday won't solve it, one partner will just pick at the other the whole way through the holiday and spoil it.



Basically this. Me and my partner have also been together 4 years - we don't do loads of stuff i. The evenings, maybe once a week well see friends or goto the cinema or something, although not always together! But I'm happy chilling with him in the evenings. I don't feel like its boring, and if I ever do we organise to go see friends on the weekend or whatever.

I don't so !much agree with the half interacting thing though. Sometimes you need your chill time, me and my bf will occasionally spent the evening reading or browsing the internet in the same room, and that's OK.
Yes. It is just a quarterlife crisis.
Reply 11
Why don't you get down on your knees and surprise him for a change?
girls these days...
Original post by Cutty
You're expecting too much. You expect him to take you to holidays and to surprise you and make more of an effort? Get real. Come on. If you're not satisfied with him, dump him and find someone better. This is the problem with women these days, they expect to be treated like princesses and start complaining and getting bored after a while. It's utterly ridiculous. If you want to have fun, then do something fun with your spare time instead of blaming your partner for your perceived boredom.

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Where did she say she wanted him to take her on holiday, she said she wanted him to go with her on spur of the moment trips. Also since when was liking a surprise a sin? I'm in a long term relationship and I still surprise my girlfriend, just as she does for me. It helps keep the relationship fresh, neither of us have any unrealistic expectations.

The only thing ridiculous is your unjustified generalisation of women and relationships. By any chance do you happen to have a chip on your shoulder?
Original post by Cutty
You're expecting too much. You expect him to take you to holidays and to surprise you and make more of an effort? Get real. Come on. If you're not satisfied with him, dump him and find someone better. This is the problem with women these days, they expect to be treated like princesses and start complaining and getting bored after a while. It's utterly ridiculous. If you want to have fun, then do something fun with your spare time instead of blaming your partner for your perceived boredom.


You're seeing something that isn't there, she said she wants to go on holiday with him, not be taken on holiday. I would find it a problem if my girlfriend never wanted to go on holidays with me, because I enjoy them a lot, travel is a big thing for me, I'm happy to help her pay if she can't afford to, but she pays her way if she can.

I think sometimes people get quite contented in a routine. This might just be coincidence, but it seems like it's more often the man in my experience, women tend to be a bit more social. My girlfriend always wants to do stuff, I joke that she's like a dog always wanting to go outside, but it's good because she encourages me to be more active. I'm happy lazing around all day, but at the end I'll wish I'd done something.

Living together is about sharing a lifestyle that works for both of you. Explain that you want to be more active, but come up with ideas that you know will interest him, don't just blame him, be proactive. With holidays, you can do city breaks in Europe really cheap, look up some deals and show them to him if that's the sort of thing you're intersted in.
They're not supposed to be boring, but they often are.
Like everyone else suggested regularly making time for each other (for a date night or similar) is useful, even going for a walk in the local park, wearing something new in the bedroom, or something equally simple can help. Or a gig/comedy night that will provoke conversation between you :smile:
Original post by MagicNMedicine
I think boredom is one of the biggest dangers to watch out for in a relationship. And it's not something that can be just solved by doing some exciting 'activities' if you are not in to them, thats just forced and doesn't work.

When a relationship is good you can just hang around the house with each other and its not boring. I remember some times with my ex where we just used to hook up the TV to youtube and stay up till like 3am watching funny videos and just ****ing ourselves laughing or playing kitchen cricket/kitchen golf.

The key thing is actually interacting with each other. When it gets to the point that one partner is focusing on something else (eg coming home and sitting watching TV or on their phone/laptop) and kind of half paying attention to the partner thats when it gets boring.

Holidays can be good but also if a relationship isn't good, a holiday won't solve it, one partner will just pick at the other the whole way through the holiday and spoil it.


I don't think it indicates boredom with each other. The OP just sounds like she is working hard, as is her boyfriend, and therefore they don't have as much time/attention/energy for each other as they usually would, plus working long hours can make you feel less happy in itself. It's very common and something all couples go through. Having a "date night" and/or making the most of your weekends to do something interesting/exciting/romantic together is one solution, working less is another.

Of course your partner should also be your friend who you can lounge around with and laugh and chat until the early hours, but that alone won't make a relationship last; it will fizzle out because you will become unattractive to each other - hanging around doing nothing eventually makes a relationship stale because it's unambitious, unsexy, uninteresting and unsatisfying in the long-term. As I'm sure you know, the key is balance. At the moment, the OP and her boyfriend are neither hanging around nor planning exciting outings together, hence there is a complete imbalance, tipped towards work and isolation.
Reply 16
Original post by Anonymous
So i've been with my boyfriend for three years now and we met in the last year of uni. We've been living together for six months and i've found things have become gradually more and more boring. We both work long hours but my boyfriend doesn't ever want to go and do anything fun like a random holiday. He's also stopped doing things like surprising me and making more of an effort - it just generally feels like we're in a rut at 24!

I've sat down with him and had a chat and asked if everything's ok and he says it is and he loves me and he's just very busy with work.

So are relationships really this boring once you live together?

To be honest it does get more mundane. But you can't beat sex on tap and domestic bliss. It is still worth trying to make some weekends and holidays a bit out of the ordinary though.
Original post by MagicNMedicine

The key thing is actually interacting with each other. When it gets to the point that one partner is focusing on something else (eg coming home and sitting watching TV or on their phone/laptop) and kind of half paying attention to the partner thats when it gets boring.

Holidays can be good but also if a relationship isn't good, a holiday won't solve it, one partner will just pick at the other the whole way through the holiday and spoil it.


oh god. I need me time. Read a book or play a video game on my own. It keeps me sane. Then thought of never being able to be just inside my own head is terrifying. Maybe I'm not made foe relationships :frown:
I know exactly what you mean. Me and my bf have been together for 6 years and have lived together for 4. We get boring stages too. He would be content staying in every day whereas I like going out. Its all about compromise and exploring new things to do together. Every relationship has its boring moments, it can't all be fun but when you have been together for a while, more of an effort is required.

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(edited 9 years ago)

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