How to deal with controlling parents?

My parents have been extremely controlling since when I can remember and it's had such a negative effect on me to the point where I need to seek counselling, have been diagnosed with extreme anxiety and depression and have just completely lost it.

Firstly, they are perfectionists so I have always had to try to meet their extremely tight standards, especially when it comes to academics (my mum is completely neurotic about grades and qualifications, to the point where even if I express an interest in a hobby like photography, which I love, she will dismiss it completely because it doesn't matter and says I should just focus on my grades). :angry:

They insist on having everything perfect and under control and only see me through the way they want me to be, not the way I am. They are Catholics and have this mentality where they believe that the only correct way to live is by being Catholic and any other religion is detrimental to human kind (not even exaggerating here). I have questioned my religion for a long time and I recently just erupted during an argument and told them that I'm no longer a practising Catholic (I am an atheist) when they kept insisting and threatening me to go to mass, which has resulted in four weeks (thus far) of hurtful slurs about how arrogant I am, when they know how low my self-esteem already is and how much I panic about these things.

I am almost 19 years old and still, whenever I go out with my friends they have to send way too many messages asking when I was going to be home, and sometimes they even call me and end up getting angry at me for going out (even though I barely go out because I'm never really allowed to?!). I'm never allowed past 11.30/midnight even though my friends mostly go out at around 9 which is getting EXTREMELY annoying and just gahh.

They are extremely unsupportive and they're never happy with anything I do. I once managed to score 12 top marks in my school in Year 11 in 12 subjects and they were like "You should have scored all 14 top marks". They have known that my ultimate dream in life is to move to London after graduation probably since the age of 9 and instead of trying to support me no matter what, lately all they do is say that I won't make it and that circumstances will change and that I should stop dreaming (even though of course it is completely plausible if I graduate as a doctor - which I hopefully will since I want to study medicine).

I'm currently on a gap year (due to severe mental health) and should be starting uni this year but I live outside of the UK, in a country with only one medical school so of course I have to live with them for the next 5 years but I just cannot cope with this anymore. I have to seek a psychiatrist all alone because they don't believe that anxiety/depression are real things and have and pay for it myself (even though I barely have enough money to pay for the one session) because when I told them I was suffering from it and had been diagnosed they just told me to stop being so selfish and ungrateful and get a grip.

What do I do?! Please help, I am honestly just going to cry a lot and cannot tolerate it for another day. I feel awful every single day living here, I feel like hiding in my wardrobe and moving out isn't an option and I just :bawling:

Reply 1

futbol

Sounds like your parents can do one. Not allowing your creative freedom is truly barbaric...

Reply 2

Tenaj1496

Original post by Anonymous

This is so sad :'(
Despite everything, you sound like you're doing amazingly well in your life. If your parents are unsupportive of your dreams then use that as a motivation to work even harder at it firstly to prove them wrong and secondly as a means of escape.
Living with parents like that for another 5 years seems unbearable, can't you find an apartment that you can share with your friends that will be attending university? Any family members that are willing to look after you? I'm sure if you explain the effects that your parents have had on your mental health, they'll take it into consideration? Genuinely hope things get better for you :frown:

❤️❤️❤️

Reply 3

green.tea

Tell them to **** off.

Reply 4

hmushy

I can understand the cotrolloing parents problem because I have a pair of my own. Going out with friends also became a bit of a problem because of how late they started things. As time went by my friends would move the times up to like 6 or 7 and then i also befriended some other people that would go out bowling at like 3 in the afternoon on a Sunday just to include me, after my church service in the morning. So my advice would be to tell your friends about the times they choose to go out being somewhat inconvenient; see whether they are receptive to the idea of going out earlier or just accept the fact that you'll be socialising less. I know I always have to dance around the idea of going out with friends with my mom and introduce it earlier rather than later (which becomes difficult when friends make last minute plans) because she's a baptist christian and my dad just plain doesn't like the idea of me going out at all. So my advice really is to plan when you're going out, giving yourself ample time to get them used to the idea and give yourself time to convince them that its fine.

Reply 5

Schrödingers Cat

Original post by shatmypants

x
Posted from TSR Mobile

Take note of the religiousness of the parents :holmes:

Reply 6

mariatu davies

You need to sit down and seriously talk to them. Parents mean the best for all their children, but sometimes they don't understand that we are now living in the 21st centaury. I remember my mum was quite over protective when I started year 7, its only now that she's beginning to loosen up. be patient, it takes time, but soon they will realise they have to let go and trust you to make the right decisions in life. I hope this helps xx

Reply 7

Belvitaaa

Original post by Schrödingers Cat

Can you please leave me alone. Thought youd get the hint when I stopped replying to you.

Reply 8

Yeah dude

Original post by shatmypants

Can you please leave me alone. Thought youd get the hint when I stopped replying to you.

FIGHHHHHT

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 9

green.tea

Original post by shatmypants

Can you please leave me alone. Thought youd get the hint when I stopped replying to you.

Tell him to **** off.

Reply 10

Schrödingers Cat

Original post by shatmypants

Can you please leave me alone. Thought youd get the hint when I stopped replying to you.

Sorry... I forgot how much TSRians hate being proven wrong :teehee:

Reply 11

DarkMagic

You have 2 options here OP:

1) Accept that you have to live by your parents rules while in their house but make plans to move out asap.
2) Ignore them and do what you want when you want anyway. Take your freedom instead of waiting for them to give it to you (which may never happen).