sex issues in a relationship

Hi all,

My boyfriend has a lot of issues with sex. He has such little confidence that he is not good that he just hates to do it and we rarely do it (as in about twice a month) We have been together over 6 months and not much has changed. He is in his mid twenties. He has never cum in me.

He tells me I pressure him into it and he doesn't like it. He tells he won't go to the Doctor or see a therapist as he finds it humiliating. He has such little insight he see's it as me pushing him into seeing a professional to get better at sex.. when obviously I just want a normal sex life and want him to feel.confident and able to perform.

I am becoming infuriated. I know he can't help it that he has issues but I feel like he is being really selfish to not get professional help. To make it worse he has on occasion accused me of cheating on him and is convinced I will.cheat or leave him because of it.

I don't know what to do any more

In b4 inevitable wave of "ditch him" replies when we all know it would be a different story if OP was a guy complaining that his gf never wanted sex.

OP - Either put up with it or find someone else. By mid-20s I doubt this is something anyone could change easily. Is he happy with himself? Perhaps he doesn't want to change. 2 times a month might be plenty for some people.

Its more that if we don't have sex and he can't cum in me how could we ever have children... I said this to him and he responded that he won't have children then, even though he has always told me he wants them.

Hi all,

My boyfriend has a lot of issues with sex. He has such little confidence that he is not good that he just hates to do it and we rarely do it (as in about twice a month) We have been together over 6 months and not much has changed. He is in his mid twenties. He has never cum in me.

He tells me I pressure him into it and he doesn't like it. He tells he won't go to the Doctor or see a therapist as he finds it humiliating. He has such little insight he see's it as me pushing him into seeing a professional to get better at sex.. when obviously I just want a normal sex life and want him to feel.confident and able to perform.

I am becoming infuriated. I know he can't help it that he has issues but I feel like he is being really selfish to not get professional help. To make it worse he has on occasion accused me of cheating on him and is convinced I will.cheat or leave him because of it.

I don't know what to do any more

Its more that if we don't have sex and he can't cum in me how could we ever have children... I said this to him and he responded that he won't have children then, even though he has always told me he wants them.

In the nicest way possible whether he wants to have sex or not is completely up to him. If you want to be in a relationship where you are having sex all the time that's your right to do so. However it is completely unfair to try and push him into getting professional help for this. If he wants to then it's his choice alone and you need to respect that.

I don't know if the accusations of cheating has anything to do with the lack of sex between the two of you, but if so can you blame him? You said yourself that you're infuriated about it. Chances are that he's picking up on that.

You either need to accept him as he is or move on. Relationships are about wanting to be with the person for who they are, not about wanting to change them.

Yes I can blame him. If he wants me to be happy sexually and have children with me one day then it is important he receives help.
I have tried helping him with his issues, he gets so miserable that he isn't like everyone else and that is why I have encouraged him.once or twice to get help, so that he can be happy. For him.to accuse me of cheating when I go.out with my friends or have a drink is annoying because I have been faithful and trying to be patient when a lot of people would have left a long time ago.

I stand by my point of accept him as he is or move on. If you're not happy then you're not happy. It's an unfortunate situation but you can't go into a relationship with the goal or changing them. Try and take baby steps with him. But at the end of the day sex isn't that big of a deal and there are more ways to have children than having him cum directly into you.
Out of curiosity have you tried foreplay or not quite going all the way?
Perhaps fingering?
(I feel so wrong asking this stuff but it's the best way I can think to help :P )

I am not trying to change him.. I am trying to help him have a normal sex life.
fingering we have tried and foreplay we do at times. Most of the time it is me giving as he assumes I either dont want to receive or he is not confident in giving to me.

I think you've come to the point where you need to decide what is more important to you, staying in the relationship or having a fulfilling sex life.

I personally would have left by now, if it was something he was willing to work on and get help with I'd stay and support him but not for someone who refuses. I also would not put up with being accused of cheating.

This seems fairly unsympathetic to the guy. If a boy were posting a thread about his girlfriend being unconfident in bed and feeling humiliated about seeing a specialist about it, I somehow doubt your response would have been the same.

Actually my response would have been the same. Do not make assumptions about my opinions.

Edit: In fact I'm pretty sure I said the same thing not too long ago on TSR when the genders were reversed.

I'm not making assumptions, I'm expressing doubts. If you say otherwise, then far be it from me to cast aspersions.

You seem pushy and judgmental, not to mention a tiny bit selfish. Just accept him for who he is, it's not as if he is completely abstaining, twice a month seems within the range of 'normal' to me, and if you base your relationship on what you think is normal, and comparing it to others, then you don't seem to grasp the concept.

If you love him for who he is, and want to stay with him, then stay (although his accusations of cheating are very odd, and suggest your relationship is already beyond saving). If you just want a guy with a penis who will have regular sex with you, then dump him and go find someone else, but don't try to force him to change.