A couple of months ago I absolutely loved mathematics. I couldn't get enough of it, it was my favorite subject, and it was at that point I decided that I wanted to study it at university and I would see through this goal no matter what. I wasn't the best mathematician in my class, and somewhere around the middle to lower quartile.
Committing myself to this path, I made the effort to do my best attempt to lock friends and family out of my life for months on end and do nothing but drill myself on any maths problems I could find for hours every day after school and for as many hours as my brain could bear on weekends and half term break. Initially, these were some standard a level past paper questions, but I quickly moved on to the more challenging STEP papers.
It was rewarding to see that in just less than 1 month, I was finding the A level papers that had previously been slightly difficult nothing more than a joke. When we had mocks for the core, statistics and mechanics modules, I found myself finishing in just half the time required and twiddling my thumb while scoring near full marks. (Save for a few formatting-error marks lost to do with units or putting answers in the form x=a y=b when it asked for coordinates).
2 months now in this program that I have committed myself into, I still continue to drill myself endlessly on problems everyday and my mathematical ability has never been better. But it is now, I start to feel actually slightly sick at this point, in that I no longer get the pleasure that I used to out of mathematics. That same feeling of 'wow' every time I read the solution to a question I had struggled on just wasn't there anymore, and that golden moment when you finally crack down a problem into more familiar or even common-sense like concepts just didn't seem as golden as it used to. What mathematics had that made it shine above all other subjects just wasn't there anymore. It now became a case of 'deliberate practice' on whatever I could get my hands on, and I felt like I no longer enjoyed it or, in fact, I find it surprisingly difficult to enjoy anything in life anymore. it has been a while since I did anything for the purpose of simply getting enjoyment out of it, and the only reason I do the things I do now is to reach the goals that I so desperately want.
Nevertheless, I still want to see through my goal of getting into a top university no matter what, and once again find my love in mathematics sparked by something interesting. I know that I still must continue to grind problems, because every day I do not work hard, someone else does, and that someone else is securing the spot at cambridge/oxford and displacing me off it, and that is enough to keep me doing maths solely of the purpose of polishing my performance, because if I don't, at the end of the day, I will be a loser, a nobody.