Problems regarding my bisexual girlfriend
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Original post by spiritandteeth
Hey, OP, my situation is one that may shine some light on yours. I'm a bisexual girl in an LDR that has lasted as of now four years. I'm in an open relationship with my male partner; we've been together since I was thirteen and he was fourteen, and when we recognised that it was starting to get to be a serious thing, we made the decision that we'd go open. Our reasoning was roughly along the lines of we want to stay together for the rest of our lives but neither of us have huge amounts of experience with other people and we'd like to gain more and you can't just bang one person for what is shaping up to be the entirety of your future otherwise it'd get boring. It's going very, very well for us so far, and being able to engage in no-strings-attached sex with other people while remaining romantically dedicated to one person is entirely possible for us. I'm able to compartmentalise romantic and sexual relationships. But I'm well aware that it's not for everyone.
I am indeed more sexually attracted to girls than guys. I've really only been into a couple of guys whom I know in real life. It's essentially a coincidence that one of the few guys to whom I was attracted has ended up being my partner.
So feel free to ask me anything.
I am indeed more sexually attracted to girls than guys. I've really only been into a couple of guys whom I know in real life. It's essentially a coincidence that one of the few guys to whom I was attracted has ended up being my partner.
So feel free to ask me anything.
Do you have sex with just girls or men apart from your bf?
In my opinion I don't see how you could keep up a relationship like this, it doesn't sound like you're in a relationship more like FWB but that's only how I see it. I'm not judging at all
Thanks for your insight
Threesome.
Legit.
That way, she gets to experiment and you won't get jealous.
Either that or a) break up with her b) try polyamory/an open relationship and see how it works out. If you don't like it you can always return to monogamy.
I recently had a foursome with a female friend experiencing the same problem, with her, her bf and another girl, and things have calmed down since with her and her bf.
Legit.
That way, she gets to experiment and you won't get jealous.
Either that or a) break up with her b) try polyamory/an open relationship and see how it works out. If you don't like it you can always return to monogamy.
I recently had a foursome with a female friend experiencing the same problem, with her, her bf and another girl, and things have calmed down since with her and her bf.
Original post by LydiaFirefly<3
I understand wanting to experiment but I don't see being bisexual as an excuse to cheat or anything. I'm bi and I wouldn't expect any boyfriend of mine to be happy letting me experiment with other people. I guess...if you don't want her to experiment then say so. If she's in a relationship with you then she should be understanding of your opinion. How would you feel if she asked to "experiment" with another guy? I'd still see that as her cheating and it's pretty much the same concept. I totally get that she wants to experiment with girls in order to feel comfortable in knowing that she is "definitely" (for want of a better word) bisexual, but you shouldn't have to let her do this if you aren't comfortable. Perhaps ask her how she'd feel if it were the other way round and you wanted to experiment? Good luck!
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Posted from TSR Mobile
Thanks for the help
Consider this situation; my gf has never been with a girl or done anything with a girl. All she knows is that she is attracted to them, say if our relationship it starts getting serious but I want her to experiment and she kisses a girl and realises she likes girls more than guys thus would end it with me and our relationship will end. However say that I don't let her experiment and our relationship gets way down the line and I've completely fallen for her, she finds a girl and as she is more attracted to the idea of being with a girl she gets with a girl and ends it with me. Which is better? In my opinion certainly the former and it will save me a hell of a lot of heartbreak...
Maybe I'm deluding myself and I should just stick to straight girls.......
But Damn I really like this girl, I hate this so much
Original post by battycatlady
Threesome.
Legit.
That way, she gets to experiment and you won't get jealous.
Either that or a) break up with her b) try polyamory/an open relationship and see how it works out. If you don't like it you can always return to monogamy.
I recently had a foursome with a female friend experiencing the same problem, with her, her bf and another girl, and things have calmed down since with her and her bf.
Legit.
That way, she gets to experiment and you won't get jealous.
Either that or a) break up with her b) try polyamory/an open relationship and see how it works out. If you don't like it you can always return to monogamy.
I recently had a foursome with a female friend experiencing the same problem, with her, her bf and another girl, and things have calmed down since with her and her bf.
The only problem I see with a threesome is that I think my gf will be very jealous when I'm ****ing another girl even if she's having sex with the same person..
Original post by Anonymous
The only problem I see with a threesome is that I think my gf will be very jealous when I'm ****ing another girl even if she's having sex with the same person..
It could be worth trying a sexually open, but romantically monogamous relationship for a bit in that case. If your gf has never been with a girl then she is probably always wanna experiment until she does, which is fair enough I guess.
But if she can't handle you sleeping with someone else or visa-versa, then it's probably best to call it off as you'd both be wanting different things, which wouldn't be fair on anyone.
Original post by Anonymous
Do you have sex with just girls or men apart from your bf?
In my opinion I don't see how you could keep up a relationship like this, it doesn't sound like you're in a relationship more like FWB but that's only how I see it. I'm not judging at all
Thanks for your insight
In my opinion I don't see how you could keep up a relationship like this, it doesn't sound like you're in a relationship more like FWB but that's only how I see it. I'm not judging at all
Thanks for your insight
(Just to say, I admire your straightforwardness with this and I think it's great that you're seeking advice, it's a mature way to deal with this sort of situation!)
Both, but I have sex with more girls because I'm more attracted to them - that's just statistics. But really, I want different things from girls and guys - and that's the great part about being bi, for me. I don't think I could pick one kind of sex over the other, because I am bi - it's simply the case that I like both. And I, personally, wouldn't want to give up either if I had the choice not to. I could definitely go without it, but I just don't see why I'd need to or really want to. It strengthens my relationship to be able to separate sex from romantic love - I actually feel that it confirms how much we love each other that we're happy to let each other explore and experiment while still young
For other people, who feel more comforted by monogamous relationships, it's a different story.I mean, sex just isn't the most important aspect of a relationship for me. What is the most important aspect? Companionship, mutual affection and forgiveness and willingness to accept a person with flaws and all, and help them change if you think it necessary, intelligent conversation, similar political ideals . . . my boyfriend is one of my best friends, sure! Maybe we are just friends with benefits in the eyes of those who think you have to be monogamous for it to be "real" (not saying that this is you - I've heard the FWB comment before). But FWB-type relationships generally don't last four years from a very young age, and they don't generally involve staying up all night to talk to each other, looking after each other if one of us gets too drunk at a party, spending all our time together during the holidays . . . Aside from that, I have a similar relationship with him that I do with my friends - I'm very affectionate with them and I care for them a huge amount. It just so happens that he's the friend with whom I am also in love.
That's not something I get from the people with whom I have sex. Of course I hold them to standards - I don't get with anti-feminist guys or unpleasant and self-obsessed girls - but I don't expect to have the same kind of emotional connection with them that I do with my boyfriend.
You know how people talk about relationships ~losing the spark~ and agony aunts in magazines are all like OH YEAH, SPICE IT UP WITH SOME ****KINKY**** HANDCUFFS, READ FIFTY SHADES OF GREY TOGETHER, etc.? It seems like a common phenomenon that sex stagnates. We keep our sex lives varied simply to avoid us getting bored and over-content with each other - it can happen, but it hasn't happened to us yet and I attribute it largely to the fact that I don't feel stuck in the same pattern of having the same sex with the same person who has the same reactions and likes and dislikes. I like variety, and the fact that I'm bisexual doesn't have much to do with that, I don't think - it just allows me to have twice the choice :P
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for the help
Consider this situation; my gf has never been with a girl or done anything with a girl. All she knows is that she is attracted to them, say if our relationship it starts getting serious but I want her to experiment and she kisses a girl and realises she likes girls more than guys thus would end it with me and our relationship will end. However say that I don't let her experiment and our relationship gets way down the line and I've completely fallen for her, she finds a girl and as she is more attracted to the idea of being with a girl she gets with a girl and ends it with me. Which is better? In my opinion certainly the former and it will save me a hell of a lot of heartbreak...
Maybe I'm deluding myself and I should just stick to straight girls.......
But Damn I really like this girl, I hate this so much
Consider this situation; my gf has never been with a girl or done anything with a girl. All she knows is that she is attracted to them, say if our relationship it starts getting serious but I want her to experiment and she kisses a girl and realises she likes girls more than guys thus would end it with me and our relationship will end. However say that I don't let her experiment and our relationship gets way down the line and I've completely fallen for her, she finds a girl and as she is more attracted to the idea of being with a girl she gets with a girl and ends it with me. Which is better? In my opinion certainly the former and it will save me a hell of a lot of heartbreak...
Maybe I'm deluding myself and I should just stick to straight girls.......
But Damn I really like this girl, I hate this so much
It's completely up to you what you want to do, and I guess keep in mind that every girl is different, so your gf might feel differently to myself
In my opinion, I don't think her kissing or doing stuff with girls will make her "like girls more". Some bisexuals prefer men, some prefer women, some like both equally. Personally, I'm more sexually attracted to girls, and I don't feel as though sleeping with a guy will change that. However, that doesn't mean I can't maintain a strong emotional (and sexual) relationship with a guy. Being more attracted to one sex doesn't mean you can't maintain a great relationship with the other sex. The feelings she has for you won't disappear if she decides she feels more attracted to girls.
I'm struggling to put this in a clear way so you understand my point of view, so bear with me xD If you don't let her experiment and further down the line she starts to fancy a girl, ends it with you and starts a new relationship with a girl, then that's the same as her seeing another boy that she likes, ending it with you, and getting with him. Whilst men and women have some stereotypical emotional differences, the only real difference is their genitalia. If you make her happy and she makes you happy, she shouldn't really be falling for anyone else at all in the future. Whilst her curiosity is understandable (I've felt the same) she should still be committed to your relationship and should respect your view on this.
I think you should question why she would like to experiment. Does she feel she isn't getting the sexual attention she needs (because you're in an LDR perhaps)? Is she wanting to know if she is definitely bisexual so she can officially 'label' herself? Or is she just wanting a bit of fun with a girl?
Personally, if I was in a relationship with a boy, I wouldn't feel the need for a sexual relationship with a girl and vice versa.
Best of luck. I can see this must be really difficult
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Original post by battycatlady
It could be worth trying a sexually open, but romantically monogamous relationship for a bit in that case. If your gf has never been with a girl then she is probably always wanna experiment until she does, which is fair enough I guess.
But if she can't handle you sleeping with someone else or visa-versa, then it's probably best to call it off as you'd both be wanting different things, which wouldn't be fair on anyone.
But if she can't handle you sleeping with someone else or visa-versa, then it's probably best to call it off as you'd both be wanting different things, which wouldn't be fair on anyone.
Exactly my thinking but I don't think she wants an open relationship.
I think threesome is the way to go..... a lot of fun for me too I guess.
Thanks for the advice
Original post by LydiaFirefly<3
It's completely up to you what you want to do, and I guess keep in mind that every girl is different, so your gf might feel differently to myself
In my opinion, I don't think her kissing or doing stuff with girls will make her "like girls more". Some bisexuals prefer men, some prefer women, some like both equally. Personally, I'm more sexually attracted to girls, and I don't feel as though sleeping with a guy will change that. However, that doesn't mean I can't maintain a strong emotional (and sexual) relationship with a guy. Being more attracted to one sex doesn't mean you can't maintain a great relationship with the other sex. The feelings she has for you won't disappear if she decides she feels more attracted to girls.
I'm struggling to put this in a clear way so you understand my point of view, so bear with me xD If you don't let her experiment and further down the line she starts to fancy a girl, ends it with you and starts a new relationship with a girl, then that's the same as her seeing another boy that she likes, ending it with you, and getting with him. Whilst men and women have some stereotypical emotional differences, the only real difference is their genitalia. If you make her happy and she makes you happy, she shouldn't really be falling for anyone else at all in the future. Whilst her curiosity is understandable (I've felt the same) she should still be committed to your relationship and should respect your view on this.
I think you should question why she would like to experiment. Does she feel she isn't getting the sexual attention she needs (because you're in an LDR perhaps)? Is she wanting to know if she is definitely bisexual so she can officially 'label' herself? Or is she just wanting a bit of fun with a girl?
Personally, if I was in a relationship with a boy, I wouldn't feel the need for a sexual relationship with a girl and vice versa.
Best of luck. I can see this must be really difficult
Posted from TSR Mobile
In my opinion, I don't think her kissing or doing stuff with girls will make her "like girls more". Some bisexuals prefer men, some prefer women, some like both equally. Personally, I'm more sexually attracted to girls, and I don't feel as though sleeping with a guy will change that. However, that doesn't mean I can't maintain a strong emotional (and sexual) relationship with a guy. Being more attracted to one sex doesn't mean you can't maintain a great relationship with the other sex. The feelings she has for you won't disappear if she decides she feels more attracted to girls.
I'm struggling to put this in a clear way so you understand my point of view, so bear with me xD If you don't let her experiment and further down the line she starts to fancy a girl, ends it with you and starts a new relationship with a girl, then that's the same as her seeing another boy that she likes, ending it with you, and getting with him. Whilst men and women have some stereotypical emotional differences, the only real difference is their genitalia. If you make her happy and she makes you happy, she shouldn't really be falling for anyone else at all in the future. Whilst her curiosity is understandable (I've felt the same) she should still be committed to your relationship and should respect your view on this.
I think you should question why she would like to experiment. Does she feel she isn't getting the sexual attention she needs (because you're in an LDR perhaps)? Is she wanting to know if she is definitely bisexual so she can officially 'label' herself? Or is she just wanting a bit of fun with a girl?
Personally, if I was in a relationship with a boy, I wouldn't feel the need for a sexual relationship with a girl and vice versa.
Best of luck. I can see this must be really difficult
Posted from TSR Mobile
So you've only had sexual relations with a girl?
If you have, have you had sexual relations with a guy? If not are you curious about having it?
To the bit in bold what about if you got into a relationship with a guy first and had no sexual relationships with girls but you knew you were attracted to girls and wanted to experiment what would you do?
Sorry for all the questions but your help is really appreciated
Original post by battycatlady
Threesome.
Legit.
That way, she gets to experiment and you won't get jealous.
Either that or a) break up with her b) try polyamory/an open relationship and see how it works out. If you don't like it you can always return to monogamy.
I recently had a foursome with a female friend experiencing the same problem, with her, her bf and another girl, and things have calmed down since with her and her bf.
Legit.
That way, she gets to experiment and you won't get jealous.
Either that or a) break up with her b) try polyamory/an open relationship and see how it works out. If you don't like it you can always return to monogamy.
I recently had a foursome with a female friend experiencing the same problem, with her, her bf and another girl, and things have calmed down since with her and her bf.
Wait you're a girl? That is one lucky guy
Original post by Anonymous
Wait you're a girl? That is one lucky guy
Bahahaha never thought of it like that, but I guess :P
I considered myself the lucky one because the other girl was someone I'd waned to do things with for a while and is hella sexy :')
Original post by Anonymous
Hi all,
Some background info first;
I'm in my first year of university and my girlfriend is also in her first year but at a different university. We're in an LDR.
We've been going out for about 6 months now and she mentioned she was bisexual at the start of the relationship, I was a bit shocked at first but soon didn't mind and I've been happy with her ever since.
We've been discussing her sexuality recently and she says she wonders about being with other girls, here's where my problem is.
I'm really not sure how comfortable I am with her having sex or getting off with other women. I don't want to restrict her from experimenting with girls but I'm worried if she did experiment she might change her mind about me because I'm a guy.
I'm worried mainly about her and other girls and not men because (this is going to sound stupid) they can give her what I can't.
I reaaaaaly like this girl but this is really bothering me..... can someone help me put my mind at ease?
It would be really helpful if other bisexual girls could comment on this thanks
Some background info first;
I'm in my first year of university and my girlfriend is also in her first year but at a different university. We're in an LDR.
We've been going out for about 6 months now and she mentioned she was bisexual at the start of the relationship, I was a bit shocked at first but soon didn't mind and I've been happy with her ever since.
We've been discussing her sexuality recently and she says she wonders about being with other girls, here's where my problem is.
I'm really not sure how comfortable I am with her having sex or getting off with other women. I don't want to restrict her from experimenting with girls but I'm worried if she did experiment she might change her mind about me because I'm a guy.
I'm worried mainly about her and other girls and not men because (this is going to sound stupid) they can give her what I can't.
I reaaaaaly like this girl but this is really bothering me..... can someone help me put my mind at ease?
It would be really helpful if other bisexual girls could comment on this thanks
She shouldn't get special treatment because she is bisexual. The same rules still apply. If she experiments with other girls, she's cheating on you, why would you be okay with that?
If your relationship unfortunately doesn't work out in the end, that's when she has the opportunity to see what it's like being with a member of the same sex. She chose to be with you and if I were in your shoes I would be severely pissed off that she's even thinking about being with someone else other than me.
Original post by Pogostick8
Don't let the poly freaks here you say that, they'll be out in force labelling you "close minded" or a "misogonist". 
Granted, I couldn't be assed to read 4 pages worth of comments so I have no idea if the OP is willing to try an open relationship. However, if he's not - I honestly don't see how what I said could be seen as closed-minded. But each to their own I guess
I definitely am not a misogynist though, I'm proud to be female
Original post by battycatlady
Bahahaha never thought of it like that, but I guess :P
I considered myself the lucky one because the other girl was someone I'd waned to do things with for a while and is hella sexy :')
I considered myself the lucky one because the other girl was someone I'd waned to do things with for a while and is hella sexy :')
Fair enough aha, are you bisexual or just a lesbian?
Original post by Anonymous
Fair enough aha, are you bisexual or just a lesbian?
Lesbian.
I'm a part of the kink scene and will play with guys (.e.g let them tie me up, beat me or whatever), but only in a strictly non-sexual sense :-)
Original post by battycatlady
Lesbian.
I'm a part of the kink scene and will play with guys (.e.g let them tie me up, beat me or whatever), but only in a strictly non-sexual sense :-)
I'm a part of the kink scene and will play with guys (.e.g let them tie me up, beat me or whatever), but only in a strictly non-sexual sense :-)
Ok interesting to know
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