The Student Room Group

21, female, pretty - single for over a year, cannot get a boyfriend

So I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t even know what sort of advice I’m looking for but I’m totally lost as to what I’m doing wrong really. Bit of background, I broke up with my last and only boyfriend in March 2013, .. fast forward 2 years.. I’ve been single that whole time. I have had a couple guys like me in that way but I haven’t had those feelings for them because there just wasn’t the attraction there. The guys I have liked and wanted to date don’t reciprocate those feelings ever. I’m told I’m pretty and hot and great body, (I’m blonde green eyed 5,4) .. I do pole fitness so I’m pretty slim too.. I’m always friendly, up for a laugh, optimistic. I’m a good friend, good listener, I do my best to help anyone that needs it. So what the hell is up with me? I’m trying not to get bitter but I really, truly am starting to now. At first it was like, well, it’s nice being single, discovering who I am as a person etc etc and then after a while it just hurts because I’m craving that affection and intimacy and I feel as though it’s really lacking in my life. I tried OKcupid but it just felt artificial and forced and I couldn’t see me getting any real feeling/attraction through that sort of medium and that goes for all those sorts of dating platforms. I mean I’m at uni, I know a wide variety of people, you’d think at least one I’d have clicked with right? :/

What could it be? :frown:

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Being single for a year isn't that long. Keep your head up. Don't go around looking for companionship. Let it happen naturally.
I'm in the same position as you tbh, it's starting to get me down. In some ways I put it down to me being too picky, i never like the guys that like me... I've been single for a year and a half, although i was seeing a guy on and off for a while but I never felt a connection. Don't really have any advice sorry:frown: I'd be interested to hear other people's opinions too.
You're 21, relax. You're about to leave uni, not a great time to get into a relationship as you face uncertainty as to where you'll live etc.

When the old body clock starts ticking in 5 years you can do the desperate thing, for now, chill.
Reply 4
Original post by Le Nombre
You're 21, relax. You're about to leave uni, not a great time to get into a relationship as you face uncertainty as to where you'll live etc.

When the old body clock starts ticking in 5 years you can do the desperate thing, for now, chill.


Not about to leave uni - I had a gap year.
^I wouldn't necessarily say let it happen naturally. I mean, don't go out of your way just solely to find a partner, but if you find yourself interested in someone why wouldn't you approach / go for it, and or move on to someone else if you find them attractive and the previous person wasn't interested.
Original post by Anonymous
Not about to leave uni - I had a gap year.


Well in that case, fair play, throw yourself at every guy you meet...*sarcasm*

The basic point still stands, if you're keen for a bf maybe see if your friends have anyone they could set you up with, but guys at uni generally aren't that enthusiastic about it.
Reply 7
Original post by Le Nombre
Well in that case, fair play, throw yourself at every guy you meet...*sarcasm*

The basic point still stands, if you're keen for a bf maybe see if your friends have anyone they could set you up with, but guys at uni generally aren't that enthusiastic about it.


Yeah just wanted to say that since part of your advice was based on the assumption that I was about to graduate lol
Tbh you don't need a partner to be happy!

What will happen will happen naturally. If you force it, it is most likely increasing the chance you get stuck with a tosser.
Reply 9
A piece of advice I've seen online many times, you don't go out looking for a partner, you go out looking for a friend and then if something develops from that, then good. But don't expect to just find the perfect guy for you and fall in love instantly. Become friends with someone first and take it from there.


And from personal experience, you're most likely looking at the wrong guys. I'm sure there's plenty of guys that you're friends with and who want to date you but they're too intimidated because of your looks etc.
I will never understand anyone who uses the term "I can't get a boyfriend/girlfriend". At the end of the day you're only 21, it may feel like time is getting on for you but you've still got your whole life to find the right person for you! Love doesn't appear when you go looking for it, it happens when you least expect it. If you're actively looking for a boyfriend, you probably won't find the guy right for you, it sucks but that's the way it goes.

In all honesty you've not been single that long, there's definitely someone out there for you and you'll probably meet him when you least expect it. Just don't get bitter about it, you're still really young with so much time on your side. Things will work out in the end, just be patient :u:
Try joining uni societies where you get to meet lots of new people!
Reply 12
Original post by Anonymous
So I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t even know what sort of advice I’m looking for but I’m totally lost as to what I’m doing wrong really. Bit of background, I broke up with my last and only boyfriend in March 2013, .. fast forward 2 years.. I’ve been single that whole time. I have had a couple guys like me in that way but I haven’t had those feelings for them because there just wasn’t the attraction there. The guys I have liked and wanted to date don’t reciprocate those feelings ever. I’m told I’m pretty and hot and great body, (I’m blonde green eyed 5,4) .. I do pole fitness so I’m pretty slim too.. I’m always friendly, up for a laugh, optimistic. I’m a good friend, good listener, I do my best to help anyone that needs it. So what the hell is up with me? I’m trying not to get bitter but I really, truly am starting to now. At first it was like, well, it’s nice being single, discovering who I am as a person etc etc and then after a while it just hurts because I’m craving that affection and intimacy and I feel as though it’s really lacking in my life. I tried OKcupid but it just felt artificial and forced and I couldn’t see me getting any real feeling/attraction through that sort of medium and that goes for all those sorts of dating platforms. I mean I’m at uni, I know a wide variety of people, you’d think at least one I’d have clicked with right? :/

What could it be? :frown:


from the way you describe yourself and the confidence you hold in your physical appearance and personality, i would expect you to be a very sought after girl.
my only explanation for the somewhat lack of interest in you would be that you want something serious but most others simply don't at this stage.

let's be honest, many guys at uni (even girls too) are just wanting a bit of casual fun and aren't gonna bother putting effort in to chasing somebody who wants something more serious like yourself :smile:
it's an odd truth that many university relationships actually develop between people who were originally ONSs or FWBs - people don't begin looking for something serious, but then a deeper attraction develops and a relationship forms.

with respect, your problem seems to be that you're too picky.
perhaps you have a right to be picky - you know that you'd be a good girlfriend and you don't want to settle with just anybody.
the issue you have is that you've had a (presumably) serious relationship already; it made you feel comfortable and secure - you wish to find it again but you want to find it instantly.

this kind of thing isn't an instant and rapid process.
sometimes you meet somebody and "click" instantaneously, however very often attraction is something that develops gradually.

my only advice (if you could even call it that) would to be a little more open and less restrictive.
if a guy asks you out and he isn't half bad, at least give him a chance perhaps?
let him take you on one date; if there's nothing there, what's the harm?

i'm not saying give every single guy who approaches you a chance, but it would be beneficial to consider that just because you don't feel attraction to a guy now, that doesn't mean you may not find him attractive in the future if you got to know him better.
Reply 13
Original post by jordanhenderson.
I will never understand anyone who uses the term "I can't get a boyfriend/girlfriend". At the end of the day you're only 21, it may feel like time is getting on for you but you've still got your whole life to find the right person for you! Love doesn't appear when you go looking for it, it happens when you least expect it. If you're actively looking for a boyfriend, you probably won't find the guy right for you, it sucks but that's the way it goes.

In all honesty you've not been single that long, there's definitely someone out there for you and you'll probably meet him when you least expect it. Just don't get bitter about it, you're still really young with so much time on your side. Things will work out in the end, just be patient :u:


look who it is; fancy seeing our lord and savior here! :awesome:
It's not possible. Females have it easy because it's always men chasing after women and never the other way around. Especially for an attractive woman. Good looking women are propositioned on a daily basis, it's impossible for an attractive female to go a day without several men flirting and asking you out. Next time you're walking along, may I suggest you turn your head and quickly look behind you, you will find a long queue of men following you with their mouths hanging open and saliva dripping down (if you are as pretty as you say, that is).

Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Lúcio
from the way you describe yourself and the confidence you hold in your physical appearance and personality, i would expect you to be a very sought after girl.
my only explanation for the somewhat lack of interest in you would be that you want something serious but most others simply don't at this stage.

let's be honest, many guys at uni (even girls too) are just wanting a bit of casual fun and aren't gonna bother putting effort in to chasing somebody who wants something more serious like yourself :smile:
it's an odd truth that many university relationships actually develop between people who were originally ONSs or FWBs - people don't begin looking for something serious, but then a deeper attraction develops and a relationship forms.

with respect, your problem seems to be that you're too picky.
perhaps you have a right to be picky - you know that you'd be a good girlfriend and you don't want to settle with just anybody.
the issue you have is that you've had a (presumably) serious relationship already; it made you feel comfortable and secure - you wish to find it again but you want to find it instantly.

this kind of thing isn't an instant and rapid process.
sometimes you meet somebody and "click" instantaneously, however very often attraction is something that develops gradually.

my only advice (if you could even call it that) would to be a little more open and less restrictive.
if a guy asks you out and he isn't half bad, at least give him a chance perhaps?
let him take you on one date; if there's nothing there, what's the harm?

i'm not saying give every single guy who approaches you a chance, but it would be beneficial to consider that just because you don't feel attraction to a guy now, that doesn't mean you may not find him attractive in the future if you got to know him better.


thanks.. that's actually really good advice xx
Original post by Lúcio
look who it is; fancy seeing our lord and savior here! :awesome:


It took me ages to go through my notifications last night thanks to you and your friends! :u:
Reply 17
Original post by Anonymous
thanks.. that's actually really good advice xx


Well I have almost completed my Psychology degree - would you expect anything less? :wink:
Reply 18
Original post by jordanhenderson.
It took me ages to go through my notifications last night thanks to you and your friends! :u:


I'm on your side!
An opposing fan decided it would be funny to berate you for saving our skins, but then your fellow supporters rallied in support of Lord Henderson :wink:
Reply 19
26
Never had a date,
Never had a gf

Relax.

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