Just left the father of my child and now everyone hates me.
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only you will know if its really the right thing, but if your not happy and tried to make it work and it hasn't then I think its the right decision
nobody should stay to together just for a child as that may cause more harm than good in the long run
your other half may also not be happy, time apart could do the world of good, and will leave you both free to find the right person
just make sure your child doesn't ever feel torn and you get along with ur ex
my friend broke up with his ex and there are 2 kids, the only reason they stayed together was for the kids sake, and it was a disruptive home because they didn't love each other, they are apart now and the kids have adapted well and are happy.
spending time to work out what you both want separately is also good - its better this way than staying and then potentially causing a uncomfortable living space for a child or either of you cheating and causing pain to each other.
nobody should stay to together just for a child as that may cause more harm than good in the long run
your other half may also not be happy, time apart could do the world of good, and will leave you both free to find the right person
just make sure your child doesn't ever feel torn and you get along with ur ex
my friend broke up with his ex and there are 2 kids, the only reason they stayed together was for the kids sake, and it was a disruptive home because they didn't love each other, they are apart now and the kids have adapted well and are happy.
spending time to work out what you both want separately is also good - its better this way than staying and then potentially causing a uncomfortable living space for a child or either of you cheating and causing pain to each other.
Original post by Anonymous
I have been with this guy if three years and we have a 16 month old. I knew there was no spark early on but at the time was very lonely and got with him for all the wrong reasons. I wanted the company mostly. I soon realised that I could be with him as more than a friend as romantics,my there wasn't anything more. Then I found out I was pregnant. I tried and tried to make things work. But in the end there really is no spark there and I am not attracted to him sexually. Not only that, while he works full-time he hates working and had little motivation to better himself and do something he enjoys. He does little house work and is generally lazy. He has personal attributes that are not compatible to mine. He's not a bad guy but not for me.
I left him last week and now everyone is having a go at me. It was a hard decision to leave and I feel guilty myself for splitting up my family. But it wasn't s decision I took lightly. Am I really a bad person for doing this? Would you exoect someone in my position to stay with the father of theirs hike for the sake of the children? I feel so sad right now.
I left him last week and now everyone is having a go at me. It was a hard decision to leave and I feel guilty myself for splitting up my family. But it wasn't s decision I took lightly. Am I really a bad person for doing this? Would you exoect someone in my position to stay with the father of theirs hike for the sake of the children? I feel so sad right now.
I think you should allow your child to still see their father and maybe you two can still be friends-ish ?
Original post by poohat
This non-judgementalism is stupid. If this thread had been started by a guy saying that he had walked out on his child because he no longer felt he was sexually attracted to the mother, then he would be slaughtered and rightly so - literally 100% of posts would tell him to put the child's welfare first, and do absolutely everything possible to save the relationship for the sake of the kid.
What she is doing is incredibly selfish and damaging to the child (not to mention the father). She absolutely deserves the criticism and hostility.
What she is doing is incredibly selfish and damaging to the child (not to mention the father). She absolutely deserves the criticism and hostility.
I don't think she left the baby with the father? If she didn't like him, she didn't like him. There are lots of single mothers out there who have done well with their child(ren).... It's like you think if (a) child(ren) it only raised by one parent their life is over..........
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by poohat
This non-judgementalism is stupid. If this thread had been started by a guy saying that he had walked out on his child because he no longer felt he was sexually attracted to the mother, then he would be slaughtered and rightly so - literally 100% of posts would tell him to put the child's welfare first, and do absolutely everything possible to save the relationship for the sake of the kid.
What she is doing is incredibly selfish and damaging to the child (not to mention the father). She absolutely deserves the criticism and hostility.
What she is doing is incredibly selfish and damaging to the child (not to mention the father). She absolutely deserves the criticism and hostility.
But she didn't leave the child.....
Original post by Hicko
You shouldn't have had the kid in the first place but you've done the right thing leaving
This.
You should be more appalled at your behavior towards the father than towards the child.
I think you were right to leave the guy, but I have no real sympathy for you either.
Your life is the product of the choices you have made and this situation is completely the result of your own stupidity and selfishness, I would never even be friends with a person like you.
Your life is the product of the choices you have made and this situation is completely the result of your own stupidity and selfishness, I would never even be friends with a person like you.
Original post by donutaud15
Yes but that will be way harder because she lives somewhere else.
You're not a bad person, it's your decision and your life!
Original post by German123
Yes but that will be way harder because she lives somewhere else.
Single mothers cope all the time. I don't know what point you're trying to make.
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The Nuclear family is the best family to bring up a child, those that deviate should be fully confident they can equally provide the level of socialisation needed for academic success
Original post by donutaud15
Single mothers cope all the time. I don't know what point you're trying to make.
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Fair enough but babies need support from both the father and the mother, not just one.
It seems to be the case that every time a woman leaves her child with her husband people look down on her, but every time a bloke would walk out on his girlfriend and his baby people seem to think that this is ok because women are expected to look after children.
Well, just because traditionally mothers are seen as the house wife's that does not mean things should be the way they were back in them days.
So....
All in all the mother should return and nurture her baby as the baby needs support from both of his/her parents.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by German123
Fair enough but babies need support from both the father and the mother, not just one.
It seems to be the case that every time a woman leaves her child with her husband people look down on her, but every time a bloke would walk out on his girlfriend and his baby people seem to think that this is ok because women are expected to look after children.
Well, just because traditionally mothers are seen as the house wife's that does not mean things should be the way they were back in them days.
So....
All in all the mother should return and nurture her baby as the baby needs support from both of his/her parents.
It seems to be the case that every time a woman leaves her child with her husband people look down on her, but every time a bloke would walk out on his girlfriend and his baby people seem to think that this is ok because women are expected to look after children.
Well, just because traditionally mothers are seen as the house wife's that does not mean things should be the way they were back in them days.
So....
All in all the mother should return and nurture her baby as the baby needs support from both of his/her parents.
No. The father can have access and help out with childcare but forcing the mother and father to stay together when they don't want to is not right. They are people too and they are entitled to have lives after a relationship ends. Besides what sort of childhood would the child have if he or she knows her parents don't really want to be together and are constantly at each other's throats?
Posted from TSR Mobile
There is no point debating whether this woman should have got in this relationship or had the baby or not because SHE IS AT THIS POINT NOW AND THIS IS THE SITUATION SHE MUST DEAL WITH.
Personally I have the utmost respect for single mothers.
The people around you are going to act strangely, you have made a drastic change to you life and that of your child and ex-partner, it is going to take some time for the people around you to get there heads around it.
But relationships break down, its a fact of life and you shouldn't be expected to stay, because some people think that Mummy and Daddy living together in a loveless relationship is somehow better than a slightly more complex set up where everyone is happy and makes it work. (this is not the 1950s ffc)
Keep things civil between you and the baby's Dad and things will get better.
All the best xx
Personally I have the utmost respect for single mothers.
The people around you are going to act strangely, you have made a drastic change to you life and that of your child and ex-partner, it is going to take some time for the people around you to get there heads around it.
But relationships break down, its a fact of life and you shouldn't be expected to stay, because some people think that Mummy and Daddy living together in a loveless relationship is somehow better than a slightly more complex set up where everyone is happy and makes it work. (this is not the 1950s ffc)
Keep things civil between you and the baby's Dad and things will get better.
All the best xx
Original post by donutaud15
No. The father can have access and help out with childcare but forcing the mother and father to stay together when they don't want to is not right. They are people too and they are entitled to have lives after a relationship ends. Besides what sort of childhood would the child have if he or she knows her parents don't really want to be together and are constantly at each other's throats?
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Agreed with all your posts 100%
Original post by German123
Fair enough but babies need support from both the father and the mother, not just one.
It seems to be the case that every time a woman leaves her child with her husband people look down on her, but every time a bloke would walk out on his girlfriend and his baby people seem to think that this is ok because women are expected to look after children.
Well, just because traditionally mothers are seen as the house wife's that does not mean things should be the way they were back in them days.
So....
All in all the mother should return and nurture her baby as the baby needs support from both of his/her parents.
It seems to be the case that every time a woman leaves her child with her husband people look down on her, but every time a bloke would walk out on his girlfriend and his baby people seem to think that this is ok because women are expected to look after children.
Well, just because traditionally mothers are seen as the house wife's that does not mean things should be the way they were back in them days.
So....
All in all the mother should return and nurture her baby as the baby needs support from both of his/her parents.
Seriously, the dad can go to court and get right to see the child, a solicitor said to my mum that dads will win every time in court because the court also thinks two parents should be together.
End of day, the relationship wasn't working and that's that. some Single mothers have done brilliant with their child. Fathers can still be in their life too while being raised by the mother okay it happens all the time.
Original post by poohat
You have basically screwed your kid over due to selfishness, its hardly surprising that people aren't happy with youIf you weren't serious about the father then you shouldn't have had the child
Plenty of people I know have came from single parent homes and none of them are 'screwed over'. It's not selfish to leave someone you don't have romantic feelings for- as it has been said before, it's better the child grows up in a happy atmosphere. Just because they have split up doesn't mean the child won't see or have suport from the father.
Original post by elmosandy
Agreed with all your posts 100%
Seriously, the dad can go to court and get right to see the child, a solicitor said to my mum that dads will win every time in court because the court also thinks two parents should be together.
End of day, the relationship wasn't working and that's that. some Single mothers have done brilliant with their child. Fathers can still be in their life too while being raised by the mother okay it happens all the time.
Seriously, the dad can go to court and get right to see the child, a solicitor said to my mum that dads will win every time in court because the court also thinks two parents should be together.
End of day, the relationship wasn't working and that's that. some Single mothers have done brilliant with their child. Fathers can still be in their life too while being raised by the mother okay it happens all the time.
Original post by German123
Yes it does happen all the time but it spoils the relationships.
They can have weekends with the parent they're not living with.
It happens all the time, the child gets to see both parents every week, it's fine
Original post by donutaud15
No. The father can have access and help out with childcare but forcing the mother and father to stay together when they don't want to is not right. They are people too and they are entitled to have lives after a relationship ends. Besides what sort of childhood would the child have if he or she knows her parents don't really want to be together and are constantly at each other's throats?
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Posted from TSR Mobile
Yes but the parents don't have to do anything together. The mother can just be there ans support her baby.
All in all i think the baby needs support from both his/her parents and the easiest way is for the mother to move back in and see what happens.
Original post by elmosandy
Agreed with all your posts 100%
Original post by German123
Yes it does happen all the time but it spoils the relationships.
And I suppose it's better if the child sees constant fighting between parents? It doesn't ruin relationship with parents?
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Original post by donutaud15
and i suppose it's better if the child sees constant fighting between parents? It doesn't ruin relationship with parents?
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thankyou!!!
Original post by elmosandy
They can have weekends with the parent they're not living with.
It happens all the time, the child gets to see both parents every week, it's fine
It happens all the time, the child gets to see both parents every week, it's fine
Yes of course, but that will be a life of hardship. It is always better to stay in one place rather than moving back and forth.
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