Just left the father of my child and now everyone hates me.

I have been with this guy if three years and we have a 16 month old. I knew there was no spark early on but at the time was very lonely and got with him for all the wrong reasons. I wanted the company mostly. I soon realised that I could be with him as more than a friend as romantics,my there wasn't anything more. Then I found out I was pregnant. I tried and tried to make things work. But in the end there really is no spark there and I am not attracted to him sexually. Not only that, while he works full-time he hates working and had little motivation to better himself and do something he enjoys. He does little house work and is generally lazy. He has personal attributes that are not compatible to mine. He's not a bad guy but not for me.

I left him last week and now everyone is having a go at me. It was a hard decision to leave and I feel guilty myself for splitting up my family. But it wasn't s decision I took lightly. Am I really a bad person for doing this? Would you exoect someone in my position to stay with the father of theirs hike for the sake of the children? I feel so sad right now.

Reply 1

Zarek

21

It's a tough situation. I think you still have the right to end a relationship with someone you have a child with if you are not happy, but it certainly ups the angst and backlash. Only time can heal the situation I guess..

Reply 2

keladry

6

To be honest the child would have eventually sensed you were unhappy with him anyway. Better to split up now before the child gets used to and remembers a family dynamic of having both parents in the house.

Reply 3

German123

21

Original post by Anonymous

I have been with this guy if three years and we have a 16 month old. I knew there was no spark early on but at the time was very lonely and got with him for all the wrong reasons. I wanted the company mostly. I soon realised that I could be with him as more than a friend as romantics,my there wasn't anything more. Then I found out I was pregnant. I tried and tried to make things work. But in the end there really is no spark there and I am not attracted to him sexually. Not only that, while he works full-time he hates working and had little motivation to better himself and do something he enjoys. He does little house work and is generally lazy. He has personal attributes that are not compatible to mine. He's not a bad guy but not for me.

I left him last week and now everyone is having a go at me. It was a hard decision to leave and I feel guilty myself for splitting up my family. But it wasn't s decision I took lightly. Am I really a bad person for doing this? Would you exoect someone in my position to stay with the father of theirs hike for the sake of the children? I feel so sad right now.

For the sake of the baby, you should return ans take care of it.

Babies need their mum to take care of them and make them feel safe.

Felling guilty is a good thing as it means you have a conscience which is telling you to return and nurture that baby.

Reply 4

sunnydespair

15

I think you can be a good mother and be single.

Just put all your attentions towards your child.

All the best x

Reply 5

TotalScrotal

Original post by Anonymous

I have been with this guy if three years and we have a 16 month old. I knew there was no spark early on but at the time was very lonely and got with him for all the wrong reasons. I wanted the company mostly. I soon realised that I could be with him as more than a friend as romantics,my there wasn't anything more. Then I found out I was pregnant. I tried and tried to make things work. But in the end there really is no spark there and I am not attracted to him sexually. Not only that, while he works full-time he hates working and had little motivation to better himself and do something he enjoys. He does little house work and is generally lazy. He has personal attributes that are not compatible to mine. He's not a bad guy but not for me.

I left him last week and now everyone is having a go at me. It was a hard decision to leave and I feel guilty myself for splitting up my family. But it wasn't s decision I took lightly. Am I really a bad person for doing this? Would you exoect someone in my position to stay with the father of theirs hike for the sake of the children? I feel so sad right now.

this is not an opinion on your child and how much you lover her/him but it may have been much to early to have had the child in saying that tho it may have been an accident ect. but i dont think you should beat yourself up about it more just give it time your real friends should understand explain to your family and try to get help from them

Reply 6

keladry

6

Original post by German123

For the sake of the baby, you should return ans take care of it.

Babies need their mum to take care of them and make them feel safe.

Felling guilty is a good thing as it means you have a conscience which is telling you to return and nurture that baby.

....read the post properly. She didn't leave the baby.

Reply 7

Kvothe the Arcane

20

No, you're not a bad person. Staying in an unhappy household would not be healthy for the child. You did the right thing for both of you.

Reply 8

poohat

18

You have basically screwed your kid over due to selfishness, its hardly surprising that people aren't happy with you

If you weren't serious about the father then you shouldn't have had the child

Reply 9

BreakingRise

2

Think whatever people say it's down to your mind and heart. So maybe a few questions can help.

Do you think you can do better?
Is it that want feel powerful emotions?
What do you want from life? I know its quite a big question but writing it down might help. Don't have to answer though. Some ideas are: To find a man that sweeps you off your feet, one who with life would always seem worth it. A happy family where everyone is happy including yourself. Your children happy no matter what. A life which you find testing in every way but have someone who you can fall on. [Not mutually exclusive]

By the way just because people feel a spark doesn't mean it works out. The problems in the relationship don't disappear.

Reply 10

username1837067

17

Original post by Anonymous

I have been with this guy if three years and we have a 16 month old. I knew there was no spark early on but at the time was very lonely and got with him for all the wrong reasons. I wanted the company mostly. I soon realised that I could be with him as more than a friend as romantics,my there wasn't anything more. Then I found out I was pregnant. I tried and tried to make things work. But in the end there really is no spark there and I am not attracted to him sexually. Not only that, while he works full-time he hates working and had little motivation to better himself and do something he enjoys. He does little house work and is generally lazy. He has personal attributes that are not compatible to mine. He's not a bad guy but not for me.

I left him last week and now everyone is having a go at me. It was a hard decision to leave and I feel guilty myself for splitting up my family. But it wasn't s decision I took lightly. Am I really a bad person for doing this? Would you exoect someone in my position to stay with the father of theirs hike for the sake of the children? I feel so sad right now.

Quite honestly all you can do now is make sure you do not mess with your child's head. ever. Never make him/her feel resentment to their father or tell lies or use your child as a trophy or something to compete over. Never ever lie to your child about anything, seriously, they need to feel they can trust their mum. Never make up any b.s. to get one over on their dad and make sure he doesn't either. Too many parents do this after separation, I mean lie to their kids and try to score popularity points with their kids, just so they can feel they have one the affection from someone, if you see what I mean. Kids deserve to be valued for who they are so always do that. Always create a loving home, be firm but fair. If you do this and don't mess with your child's head and always protect them from anyone you have any reason to mistrust, then your child will be fine. The moment you start messing with your kids head, don't forget it will ccomeback to haunt you. im just saying this cause parents with relationship issues always like to gang up against each other. If you're taking a break it needs to be for good, none of this back and forthing. bottom line kids need stability. always put them first in future. Your kids always comes first the day they enter your lives. That's the way it should be but too many parents forget this

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 11

German123

21

Original post by keladry

....read the post properly. She didn't leave the baby.

She left her husband and what difference does that make?

The baby needs help what so ever

Reply 12

voiceofreason234

3

If he's working full time (and you're not? Presuming you were the one staying home and looking after the kid) then he shouldn't be expected to do any housework - that's your job.

Reply 13

Emily.97

21

It wouldn't be healthy for a child to be surrounded by an unhealthy relationship anyway. As long as you maintain contact with your child then there isn't anything for anybody to be annoyed about.

Reply 14

SaucissonSecCy

16

Your not a bad person. At least you're being honest with your partner and kid. I justw wonder how you manage it alone?

Reply 15

NetherZoner

You shouldn't feel bad for what people think of you due to a decision such as this. The thing is, you were honest with yourself and you were honest with the father and that's the best thing you could do since your child deserves more than that. People don't like the truth, you have delivered it and now they're angry, you did the right thing and people who say otherwise should try to be less judgmental.

Reply 16

poohat

18

Original post by NetherZoner

You shouldn't feel bad for what people think of you due to a decision such as this. The thing is, you were honest with yourself and you were honest with the father and that's the best thing you could do since your child deserves more than that. People don't like the truth, you have delivered it and now they're angry, you did the right thing and people who say otherwise should try to be less judgmental.

This non-judgementalism is stupid. If this thread had been started by a guy saying that he had walked out on his child because he no longer felt he was sexually attracted to the mother, then he would be slaughtered and rightly so - literally 100% of posts would tell him to put the child's welfare first, and do absolutely everything possible to save the relationship for the sake of the kid.

What she is doing is incredibly selfish and damaging to the child (not to mention the father). She absolutely deserves the criticism and hostility.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 17

NetherZoner

Original post by poohat

This non-judgementalism is stupid. If this thread had been started by a guy saying that he had walked out on his child because he no longer felt he was sexually attracted to the mother, then he would be slaughtered and rightly so - literally 100% of posts would tell him to put the child's welfare first, and do absolutely everything possible to save the relationship for the sake of the kid.

What she is doing is incredibly selfish and damaging to the child (not to mention the father). She absolutely deserves the criticism and hostility.

Totally wrong, I myself am a guy and maybe my word doesn't mean much to you, but I would honestly say the same thing to the father if he were to leave the mother. I talked about honesty which believe it or not both genders are capable of displaying. So get your ''sexist double standards hurr durr'' **** out of my face, because I hate sexism as much as the next person.

Damaging to the kid? Give me a bloody break. Damaging to the father? You are acting as though a woman who is honest about her emotions is some kind of personal attack on your macho ego. As Emily.97 already rightly said ''It wouldn't be healthy for a child to be surrounded by an unhealthy relationship anyway. As long as you maintain contact with your child then there isn't anything for anybody to be annoyed about.''. Get over yourself mate.

Reply 18

James Milibanter

17

Original post by NetherZoner

Totally wrong, I myself am a guy and maybe my word doesn't mean much to you, but I would honestly say the same thing to the father if he were to leave the mother. I talked about honesty which believe it or not both genders are capable of displaying. So get your ''sexist double standards hurr durr'' **** out of my face, because I hate sexism as much as the next person.

Damaging to the kid? Give me a bloody break. Damaging to the father? You are acting as though a woman who is honest about her emotions is some kind of personal attack on your macho ego. As Emily.97 already rightly said ''It wouldn't be healthy for a child to be surrounded by an unhealthy relationship anyway. As long as you maintain contact with your child then there isn't anything for anybody to be annoyed about.''. Get over yourself mate.

Time to whip out my mantra, it seems. "Whatever gets you off", now Nether is right here, she wasn't getting off. A lifetime not getting off? Pffft. She did the right thing.